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R.U. Screwed

R.U. Screwed

by Kimmikala
Howie and Sooch are friends and floormates at Raisley University. Howie secretly has a thing for Sooch. Sooch just wants to make it through the semester. Will they lose their minds?!?!?!?!

WARNING contains swearing, frequent alcohol and drug use, mature/sexual situations

Read from right to left!! Updates 1 or 2 pages every 6-7 days or so.

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R.U. Screwed

Howie and Sooch are friends and floormates at Raisley University. Howie secretly has a thing for Sooch. Sooch just wants to make it through the semester. Will they lose their minds?!?!?!?!

WARNING contains swearing, frequent alcohol and drug use, mature/sexual situations

Read from right to left!! Updates 1 or 2 pages every 6-7 days or so.



Recent Comments

54 minutes ago
Sooch spoke my words there...
2 hours ago
@SoulRaider116: Or...maybe I just made an error since it was late at night. People tend to make mistakes. Shame on me.

Yes, good day, madam. Hope you one day learn to chill out and not think that everyone is out to get you and slowly acclimate yourself to triggering situations to help yourself, because obviously therapy and meds aren't working for you. Just because you have a pretty degree doesn't mean you're an expert. There are crappy doctors out there too.

The world isn't out to get you, I promise, but at the same time, not everything's about you. Trust me, most of the time I bet you are just thinking people are out to get you due to your panic attacks anyways (it happens to the best of us). But trust me, 99% of the time, people aren't. It's mindfucking, but trust me, things WILL get better. You just have to try and take small steps and leave each day as it comes. If you are feeling suicidal, please get help! Trust me, I'm sure you just had bad therapists!

Call (1800-273-8255) if you live in the US! Panic attacks suck, but they are never worth dying over, even if they are due to horrible phobias you can't escape from! Trust me, I have BEEN there. You need help, and you will find it one day!

Never said you were being ignorant. Said you were treating me like I'm ignorant. But if you read it the other way, maybe that's some subconscious stuff right there.

Anyway, conversation is over. Clearly you are way to smart to listen and the universe centers on your issues. Clearly I'm afraid of trains and that's why I panic about inevitably committing suicide and not the train itself every time I hear one. Couldn't have anything to do with nineteen years of depression tying itself to my cousins dying when he was hit by a train when I was six, which I much later learned was suicide, and how everything all tied together in my mind.

And clearly being jumpy at loud noises is the exact same as reverting to a timid 3 year old child whenever there is a shouting match going on. I certainly don't have migraines triggered by noise or any reference of noise sensitivity to compare the reactions to. I'm talking out my ass. I've never studied psychology, my degree (associate's though it may be) popped up out of thin air. I never went through any years of various kinds of therapy, including EMDR (a therapy that is most often used for PTSD but can also be used for other disorders) and we never went through my triggers in that therapy. BTW, the specially trained EMDR therapist is the one who would apply that term. Y'know, if it happened. Which it must not have, since clearly I'm an ignorant boob.

Yeah, I'm done. Your opinion is noted. Good day. Read a psychology book.
13 hours ago
@SoulRaider116: How am I being ignorant...? You have an irrational fear of trains and loud sounds in general. My autistic brother is also afraid of loud sounds, but not to that amount. It's common in autistic people in general, who develop irrational fears over many things because so many things go through their heads at once.

I hate to say this, but that is a phobia even if you have an all new mental disorder (which I doubt you do and you have something that just makes you very anxious). You didn't get hit by a train, so you don't have PTSD (which also leads to phobias of whatever triggers you). You're afraid of loud sounds and trains in general.

The best way to cope is slowly exposing yourself, like through films. A train won't hurt you, even in real life. But try muting a movie like Polar Express and watch it.

And yes, real phobias make you panic. There is a huge difference between a mild and rational fear of spiders and bees, which are venomous, to you panicking over a train to the point where you're a threat to others and yourself. THAT is a phobia.

Trust me, I do the same due to my fear of shots and getting my blood drawn. My brother panics when in a tall-roofed building. Seriously, there's no grand unique diagnoses for you. Maybe you have an anxiety disorder which may worsen the phobia, but it's still a phobia. Sorry for my "ignorance", but dealing with people with all kinds of mental disorders all of my life, you clearly don't seem to have psychosis or anything like that. You don't need a special diagnoses to be special, and mental disorders should not be used to be a part of your identity. Labeling yourself through mental disorders only cripples you until you're nothing more than a husk. Trust me. The best thing for you to do is seek help, and not expect miracles that occur right away. You need to be slowly exposed to whatever frightens you. That's all.
I think liam likes him
@Blah2989: yup, I'm prepared to all kinds of drama now, but I saw earlier that kind-of-looking-down-sad-cause-they-have-something-I-don't-and-I-might-like-dudes Liam.
I hope that's a thing.
20 hours ago

I know what a phobia is. I have a phobia of bees, and a phobia of heights and planes.

This is not the same.

I've been through multiple psychiatrists and psychologists over more than half my life. I have an associate's in psychology as well, not much but it's something. So don't talk to me like I'm ignorant on the matter and don't know the difference between my acrophobia and what even the sound of a train across town can do to me.

Fear isn't what drives my train panic. It's far, far deeper than that. It's a sharp mix of despair, history, inevitably, and hopelessness. The train is a reminder that I have suicidal ideation, and fills me with a panicked sense that suicide is my inevitable fate. That's why I'm more prone to be triggered by it when in a active depressive spiral. And I don't have any thoughts of dying by train...there is a family history event where that happened though.

As for reacting to fights and shouting...that's not a phobia either. It's called a programmed response. Over years and years of dealing with a very loud household, and being a in a depressive state from a very young age, I became very timid and withdrawn when my folks would yell. No abuse, mind you. Just shouting and lecturing.

A programmed response needs a specific stimulus to set it off...a trigger. And the programmed response in this case is so deeply ingrained that anyone arguing around me or shouting at me can set it off. Especially if it's a couple feuding. Or an older male shouting. And almost unavoidably if it's family.

My reactions tend to be aimed inward is all, not outward. Except with the train...I get unpredictable with trains when they set me off. Screaming, crying, cursing (which I rarely do in daily life), shaking and tremors, clawing myself....if my boyfriend wasn't there the pastime I had a major meltdown I probably would have punched the guy next to me, because the idiot was being an as s about it.
@SoulRaider116: Generalized anxiety disorder doesn't mean you have phobias. And that doesn't sound like GAD at all. My autistic brother has odd phobias, too, and that could possibly be why you're so terrified and meds don't work. But, I am no doctor. Get yourself diagnosed by multiple doctors. Depression and GAD are the laziest diagnosis out there. Trust me, I was diagnosed with both before we properly diagnosed it with PTSD.

Regardless, the term triggered is mainly about PTSD because people with PTSD actually get dangerous if they cannot control their panic attacks soon enough, which is also why they are used for emotional radicals that cannot control their tempers. And, most people associate "triggered" with both groups because those are the most common groups to have.

Yeah, therapy and meds don't work for me either. I cope with my imagination, as I frequently play fantasy games like the Elder Scrolls series. Find your happy place, and dream away during a panic attack. You'll look shell shocked, but it's better than panicking outwardly and having people going over to you. If complete strangers are going over to you, tell them to go away as politely as you can. They aren't your parents.

What you're going through is called a phobia, which could be caused by many things and I don't recommend letting pillpushers solve your problems for you. Slowly introduce yourself to things. That's what we do with my autistic brother, and he's now okay with feeding mealworms to our pet hedgehog even though he was terrified of bugs once before. If he can do it, so can you. Don't give into your fears!

Trains. Anything to do with trains. Whistles, seeing the train. A train in the movie. A train track in the movie, if I am in a vulnerable mind set that's gonna set me off.

It's specific things. Nineteen years of therapy, including talk therapy, medications, and EMDR have taught me coping mechanisms to keep my mind from being triggered.

Shouting and arguments still set me off, I can't seem to shake that one. I shrink into myself.

Men (typically with grey hair shouting near or at me is another one. I just tremble, cower, hide, can start a spiral into depression.

Those are the top three.

Loud chaotic noise in general gets me panicky, but that's more because I get overwhelmed. It's totally separate from the triggers I'm talking about.

A gradual build-up of stressors isn't what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about a single, specific and routine triggering incident that people then add too by their reactions to my reactions.
@SoulRaider116: Having a panic attack, and having a panic attack due to something triggering you are two different things. I do fully understand where you are coming from and I sympathize with you, but to be triggered, you have to act in an extreme way with a clear cause. Yes, your panic attacks do matter and are very effective in hurting you, but that's not what "triggered" is.

I have PTSD, and to be triggered is to be set off by a clear, well, triggering, event, like fireworks, or small reminders of that event or even events that lead to you to get PTSD. Words, unfortunately, do not have strict meanings, and triggered can and does also mean that the person acts outrageously due to offense, and not just because they have PTSD.

Now again, I am not at all saying that your panic attacks aren't valid. I am just saying the word triggered isn't to be used in that example, as you do not have specific triggers that cause the event, and not just the effect of piling on stressors. The reason why radicals get the term slapped on them is because they are triggered, and someone says something slightly left or right of their beliefs and they go off on you. THAT is an extreme way of reacting to a clear trigger, and thus is being triggered.

With people that have PTSD or extremist views (not the same thing, but the word triggered is used in those cases, JUST MAKING THAT CLEAR), emotional triggers can also be a thing, but they also have a clear trigger, such as a flashback (and most flashbacks I get I cannot see).

Doesn't have to be a PTSD thing...mood disorders and anxiety disorders have triggers too, just saying.

And the words not offensive as long as it doesn't lead to desensitization of people when someone does have an actual episode.

Which is what happens to me all the time. I don't have PTSD, so my anxiety attacks apparently don't count. And people just roll their eyes and make fun of triggers that they think are ridiculous for a 30 something to have.

But I have generalized anxiety disorder and a history of major depression. There is a long list of things that can send me into an anxiety attack if I'm not able to use my coping techniques...

And people don't like to just let you use your coping skills, they like to get in your face and demand to know what's wrong, are you okay? Let me help! But that's a damn trigger, and if I try to tell them that, that's ridiculous, because I haven't got PTSD! So now they lecture me (if they didn't skip the worrying and go straight to lecturing me for overreacting in the first place), and the panic is getting worse and worse, and I friggin scream at them because I feel like if I can't make it all stop I'm just going to die...And they label me as having a temper tantrum and acting like a child.

Meanwhile, I'm still so triggered I feel like I could both implode and explode in the most literal of senses at any moment. As soon as I'm alone, I have to put all my effort into fighting the urge to let that tension free in the most easy way...but I'm so...there really is no word to describe the physical sensation....that none of my healthy comping skills are working...I just have to suffer until it's over.

So, it's not the word triggered I have an issue with, use it all you want in whatever manner you want...but don't let it make you insensitive to real the triggers of all those with mental health conditions.
@SoulRaider116: LMAOOOO omg that's even better

I've never seen Kill Bill, and so don't get the reference....

So, what I got from what you said was the Bill Nye the Science Guy theme...but instead of "BILL BILL BILL" it's "KILL KILL KILL"
@Blah2989: Either way, murder.
@Blah2989: Either way, murder.
2 days ago
Oh Sooch is gonna kill him. Or liam,is gonna try to hurt Sooch and Howies gonna jump right in. Or Liams gonna try to hurt Howie (emotionally) and Sooch is gonna kill him. Either way, the drama!
June 23rd, 2018
@gamerkatie: A ton of people love to get offended for others, especially over the word "triggered" because it's somehow "offensive" to them because some people have PTSD, but people who actually have PTSD are almost never offended by the term.
June 23rd, 2018
@Metric_muse: I'm was more of a "joke" towards those who would get offended, because I felt there would be at least one person who would be. There always is.
A Very Serious Question
Okay, serious question though. If Sooch is Mew Strawberry (re: your icon), which mew do you think Howie would be?
I personally think Mew Zakuro would be fitting, and tbh Sooch probably fits better as Mew Pudding. Author Thoughts?
June 23rd, 2018
@Evilsnail11: are you triggered by the use of the word "triggered?" O.o