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necronomicon jones

necronomicon jones

by necronomicon jones
There's a "Hell Gate" in the garden, "Ghouls" are eating your Granny and something with tentacles has taken over the toilet. Time to call the professionals.
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6 Days Ago

necronomicon jones

There's a "Hell Gate" in the garden, "Ghouls" are eating your Granny and something with tentacles has taken over the toilet. Time to call the professionals.

Recent Comments

A brief little interlude to give you an insight into our mighty heroes. Make the most of it because next week we continue to plunge deep into the horror infested bowels of the “underhive.” Do you dare to follow us? Mwahaha etc.
You Know
I know that you know that we know that they know that we know .... ummm you know .... yeah
I have no idea where she got the glass of wine. She has a strange talent for locating Merlot. There are several cults in Eastern Europe who worship her as a goddess because of this.
Blame Big Tony
Actually the rectal polyps were cooked to perfection with garlic and cream. We had seconds.
Come to Momma
We don’t think she ever really put a hedgehog in a blender. She may be thinking of that unpleasant and messy incident in 2004 which involved three ninja nuns, a baseball bat and a cheese grater.
Free at last
She has a point. Her “Secret Santa” last year was a bottle of holy water and a voucher for the local sunbed salon.
Dress Dribbling
I hate it when dudes dribble on my dress. And its never on the skanky, poo coloured dress with ketchup stains down the front … it’s always on the red chiffon number that I reserve for Weddings and Bar Mitzvahs. Bast**ds.
It’s amazing the sheer power you can generate by simply flexing your buttocks.
Special Sauce
If you put that “rectal flump wotsit” anywhere near my “musty wang flaps” and I swear to god I will end you.
It is perfectly possible that, in some corners of the world, “scabby phlegm encrusted maggot” is a term of endearment.
Pop, Crunch, Aaaargh!
Shatnoddling  - "When you lie on the ground in a twisted heap and realise you hadn't really thought the plan out properly."
Can I get fries with that?
The best thing about cooking vampires is you don’t need a BBQ. All you need is some thick iron chains and a sunny day. Get some marshmallows on sticks, grab some potatoes and wrap them in foil, make a day of it, bring the kids.
Goat Lips
Dearest reader,let me assure you that no goat was harmed during the making of this page. The juicy dutch farmhand was not so lucky ..... but as we like to say in Wales, "dance with the devil and you will end up a squishy mess."
Really big things.
She means those giant toblerones you can buy at Christmas. The ones as big as your arm.
Ring Ring?
Hello, my name is Jeremy, how can I help you today? Hell, my name is Jeremy? Can I hep, Hello my name? Brains?mmmmmm brainzzzzzzz ……… kill the phone, kill it, make it bleed hahahahahahaha. Hello, my name is Jeremy.
It's not a proper cunning plan unless you dislocate a limb and lick a mobile phone.
Vampires are just so good at making people feel special ....
Author note - Cannibalism is generally frowned upon so please don't try this at home. I don't care if you are really hungry and your flat mate does resemble a potato, it is still not a good thing (nuff said).
Can I see the menu?
The trouble with visiting vast underground hives of flesh eating mutants is that you just know there isn't going to a vegetarian option.
More facts!
Every one loves a fun fact. For example, did you know that “Vlad the Impaler” was a talented clog dancer or “Countess Vera the Unclean” had a priceless collection of jewel encrusted sex aids?