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Abysmal

by Monkipi
In a world where monsters walk the streets, avoiding the eyes of man, and the Cold War was not named for its lack of actual warfare, but instead for the cold Russian tundra on which it was fought, one company arose out of the Cold War conflict and now sits at the top of the food chain, Yggdrasil Inc.

One night, three young men begin to stumble upon secrets that should have been left well enough alone. This is their story.
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Pages
102
Updates
On Hiatus
Last Update
9 Years Ago
Fans
11
Readers
0
In a world where monsters walk the streets, avoiding the eyes of man, and the Cold War was not named for its lack of actual warfare, but instead for the cold Russian tundra on which it was fought, one company arose out of the Cold War conflict and now sits at the top of the food chain, Yggdrasil Inc.

One night, three young men begin to stumble upon secrets that should have been left well enough alone. This is their story.

Authors

Recent Comments

Monkipi
June 1st, 2010
No, the hiatus is not over, I just had a chance to upload. Groggy Athos is groggy.
I regret to inform you that Abysmal will be on hiatus the next couple of months. Today is my last day of college for the year, and I've been doing my uploads in town. I live far out where the internet sucks and I can make no guarantees about my ability to upload on a weekly basis.

Mind you, this does not mean I am done with Abysmal, I will be working diligently on chapter 5 for when I go back online. I will also likely have several short stories on a separate comic that will go online at some point.

Hopefully, I will be able to make uploads fortnightly, though even if it's just a page or two as I work on other projects and sort out how best to go about making Abysmal the best it can be. If luck is with me, see you in two weeks, no promises, though.


I'll keep around the forums,

Quinn

Pictured: Athos if he was a badass bishounen and a smoker.
Monkipi
May 17th, 2010
Eishiya: That's more or less why I opted to go with tones. I could add more black, but it could make it look over-crowded, if not unbalanced. But in straight B&W, as you say, could make it hard to convey darkness. Thus, my confusion.

Is the scream better now?
eishiya
May 17th, 2010
I like the moody B&W look better, but it might be difficult to convey the darkness without tones...

I didn't notice the scream at all until you mentioned it. It's an awfully quiet scream, given how
1. small it is compared to the regular speech (I assume "oh god" is normal tone or even lower)
2. unnoticeable it is.
Monkipi
May 13th, 2010
So, are the tones here working for you guys? Or should I go back and make it black and white with heavy blacks for shading?

Not sure about the scream either... if it's too much tell me, and I'll take it out.

Holy snap! 101 pages in less than a year. Heck yeah!
Monkipi
May 13th, 2010
As of 3/13/10 major changes have taken place in the dialogue of chapters one and two.

As of 3/18/10, the same could be said of chapters three and four.

If you spot any more errors, feel free to tell me!

I can't give enough thanks to Eishiya for giving me the feedback necessary to make these changes.
If you'd like, I can go through all the pages again and just type up fixes as I see them. Or, I can go through the pages and make a big comment here or PM you the stuff, if you want to reduce the number of comments.
@Kid: Thanks!

@eishiya: Wow, thanks for taking the time to do that for me. I really love critique as I am seeking to improve.

After finishing chapter 4, I picked up Making Comics by Scott McCloud and that made me realize how off my paneling was. I’ll take a look at the tutorials you put up there. I’ll scale back on the wonky panels for sure.

While I do make the panels digitally, I do all my line art traditionally, and so I think often misalignments occur when there is dissonance between what is on the page (though I have a drafting table it was poorly constructed and leans at a funny angle) I am glad, though, that it’s gotten better.

I have been using text for SFX because I’m scared my handwriting will be illegible, but I’ll give it a try, if you think it will benefit the comic :). I’ll work on giving my text room to breathe in their bubbles.
Perspective has been my number one concern lately! There were, in fact a couple of places in chapter 1 where I tried to go for a surreal BG, but for the most part, you are absolutely correct. I have just been coming at backgrounds from a place of ignorance. I will endeavor to draw more from life, and work harder on my backgrounds.
I’m glad I’m at least getting proportions right XD! Sometimes I don’t know what happens to my faces, but I’ll make sure I get facial anatomy down as well, the last thing I want is an unintentionally wonky face!

On proofreading, I agree. I myself, am not bad with grammar, not excellent, but not bad, although, I do have a tendency to type as fast as I can and not look back at what I wrote. I absolutely will not be doing that again. You probably have also noticed that I favor commas to periods. If you could point me in the direction of any pages where that is heavily detrimental to your understanding of the story, I would be eternally grateful.

I definitely see where you are coming from on the melodrama front, this is the first story I’ve written that has gone longer than 8 or so pages, and I haven’t quite figured out how to get the drama down yet. It helps to know that it clashes with my tone, and I’ll try and tone it down in future chapters. I do read a lot of shounen stuff, and it’s good to know that my story and shounen melodrama don’t mesh too well.

I really feel that I butchered some of the most important story elements when I presented them in the mishmash of Chapter 1, almost to the point where I can do little to fix it, and it helps to know that it’s left readers confused. I’ll be taking a look back at some older stuff to see if I can make it more clear, and of course, if there was anything in chapter four that made little sense, please tell me so I can make things make sense! I am happy that I was able to get a good atmosphere, though.

Thank you so so so so so much!


@eishiya again: PMing me the stuff would be fantastic. I really appreciate that you're willing to do this.
I've seen you around on the forums and finally got around to reading your comic. It seems pretty interesting so far, and I think I'll keep reading.

But first I'd like to share my thoughts on what I've read so far.

I don't know how you are with crit, so don't read everything after this sentence if you don't think you can take critique well.

The layouts/panelling are really bad. I see places where you tried to experiment and that's good, but I think it's too early for you to try to make wild layouts, as you haven't even gotten the hand of simple ones. It took me until page 29 of Chapter 1 to realize that the previous pages should have been read right to left, and in a well-done layout, it would have been obvious from the start.
I recommend checking out these articles on paneling:
http://innerspace.notonigon.com/?p=8
http://lilrivkah.livejournal.com/168859.html (there are two parts, follow the link at the bottom)

You should put more effort into the presentation. Align your panels better. They look like they're done digitally, so there's really no excuse for misalignments. The more recent pages have gotten better at this, I'm not seeing any more stray scan marks, etc. Good :D

Be careful about how you fit text into bubbles. It gets very hard to read in some places where the text runs into the edges of the speech bubbles. I recommend hand-drawing your SFX too, the typed ones have no impact to them.

The perspective is really bad D: It's great that you're not shying away from drawing the scenery, but I think you should really do some drawing from life and reference. There are many good tutorials on perspective, look around for some. The important thing with perspective that seems to be skipped in many tutorials is that the apparently distance between things and the horizon line depends on the focal distance of the lens. And the eye is a lens too xP This is why drawing from life is so important. If you learn only from tutorials and photos, you won't get a good sense of how to draw things so that they look "right."
Some of the backgrounds look pretty surreal and almost like they could be intentional, but mostly they look like you were trying to do perspective without really understanding anything but the fact that there's something called a vanishing point ):

The character art can use work as well, but it's much better than everything else in the comic. Proportions are for the most part consistent, but the faces are not and look really off in some of the pages.

There is a large amount of typos and many grammatical mistakes that make understanding the story difficult. You should have someone who is good at that sort of thing proofread your pages for you before you post them.

And the last thing, which is more of an observation than a crit, is that some parts are just too dramatic. I almost expect to hear melodramatic music to start playing during some of the realizations and reveals. This seems like a serious story, and some parts are just ridiculous... I don't really think they fit.
It looks like you drew a lot of inspiration from Bleach or other shounen manga for some of those parts and the fights. That is not bad in itself, but just doesn't mesh with your story as well as it does with a typical shounen story.

Because I've had a difficult time piecing the story together from the art and mistake-ridden dialogue, I can't really offer critiques on that. It's very promising, and I think if you tone down the melodrama it can be something really good.
You've established a nice, bleak atmosphere that reminds me of the anime Gilgamesh, and I hope you'll do more with that :D
Cool Cool cant wait.
Sakurasaki: I'm glad you like my humor.
LOL XD
My lovingly crafted cover for issue 2.
So, here it is, the end of chapter 4.
Thanks, again, I'm sure you'll find that in the later chapters my writing has gotten tighter. I'm glad you like it!
Thanks, Yuki!
Kid Garra
May 1st, 2010
Looks kick ass.
A bit confusing...but the art is so good! And the story seems good so far...
Wow...this is really cool! I can't draw clothes doing that!
I love how you color and the expression...