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Recent Comments

Guest
August 27th, 2010
fucking terrible...
Saya-Aria
August 17th, 2010
Depth would help Also
Right now everything seems just flat, flat flat. Aside from perspective shots, that has been touched upon already, I think a lot of depth is needed in the characters themselves. Shading and highlights will greatly improve on them visually.

An example that makes me think of this is the way the characters are standing in the first panel. The blue-haired girl is in front of the two characters surrounding, and therefore the shadows from her neighbors would be seen on her hair. Establishing lighting and lighting cues would also make the scene more dramatic, maybe even more intense, which some of the readers may feel robbed of at the current state.

Now, in terms of perspective, be really careful with cases like the last panel. It looks like there's a green wall behind them. The window in the first panel needs the outside lowered to properly adjust the perspective between the room and outside.

My last nitpick is in the character interaction in the middle. Again, their posing seems very flat, as in the only things that seems to move is slight variation in the facial expressions. An example I can think of is maybe having one of the characters move back and cross their arms, or have one of them tilt their head to the side as if they're examining the other person.

That's really all I can think of right now. Try going outside at least twice a week, or setting up for a few hours at a mall or a building you can spend a long time in without being disturbed, and practice drawing what you see in front of you, blue-lining all the perspective lines first. This will help you improve not only being able to draw what's in front of you, but transition it into projects you draw for later.
Guest
August 15th, 2010
still doing a shit job i see...and not taking any advice from apples...good job, i guess you just want to roll with shit.
apples
August 13th, 2010
It looks a little off, with the text aligned to the right instead of the usual left, especially since you switch between the two seemingly randomly. Text is easiest read through a left or centered alignment, which I suggest you do.

Also, to avoid large awkward gaps in the bubbles but still make the text fit, don't be afraid to break up words, such as in the third panel you could've done this:
"Seeing as you're
the only one
with documen
-ted experience
with your local"

Be sure to study other comics to learn and better understand how to construct yours
http://img693.imageshack.us/img693/9094/greatandsecretshow.jpg

Here's a page, you can see the author using the left alignment in his narrative boxes and central for his speech bubbles (not saying you necessarily have to follow exactly this, but you can see how much more readable it is).

Exploring more dynamic paneling is also something you might want to consider, although a great many comics are able to get by without fancy paneling, you still may want to think about it. See how in the example, the panels aren't set up so linearly, they overlap allowing the artist to bring in a greater sense of space than the page would normally allow. Despite so much of the panel being obscured, our minds sill fill in the blanks.

And to rattle on some more, you might also want to experiment with line weight variation, selectively making some lines thicker, tapered, or thinner. It can be used to make a drawing more dynamic and even suggest light and shadow.

Again in the example you can see this utilized. In the first panel looking at Randolph's shirt, we can see that the outline is much thicker than the detail lines, and in the wrinkles, the lines become much thicker where the crease gets deeper, more wedged into shadow. Also the outline around this fore-figure is much heavier than the one that is receding into the background, giving an even greater illusion of depth. You can also see this in the last panel, comparing his head with the boxes behind him

This page is better in terms of space and environment compared to your previous ones.

I hope you keep pushing yourself.
Guest
August 13th, 2010
nah, just stop...trying to improve at this point would only be wasting your time.
Anpan
August 13th, 2010
I'm so glad! Your first attempt is a lot better than my first attempt XD Props to you for powering through the trolls! c:
JillianCorvus
August 13th, 2010
Thanks Anpan. I have been working on improving. This is (obviously) my first attempt at a webcomic, so I am learning as I go. I'm hardly about to stop just because some people got bored and felt like trolling me <3
Anpan
August 13th, 2010
wow, did you ask somewhere for people to critique/insult your comic? :C never have I seen so much negativity in the comments section. I'm so sorry for that! D:

At least drawing comics does give a person great opportunities to improve--so keep at it! And even if some critique may seem cruel, listen to it carefully and think about what people say. (Unless it's downright rude. Don't stop your comic in favor of a bagging job)

Keep at it! Even though this comic isn't really my cup of tea (I was just curiously browsing), I hope you do more pages and don't get discouraged.
Guest
August 12th, 2010
wow
Maybe you should just stop all together and get a job bagging groceries.
Guest
August 12th, 2010
>.>
Newfag
wat
wat
Anon101 (Guest)
August 12th, 2010
Mediocre at best.
Not particularly good, why do you even try at creating comics?
apples
August 11th, 2010
Stuck still in those same face positions every damn panel.

And again with the environment, looks exactly the same as the bar. No telling details to suggest anything besides "here they are in yet another empty bland room with the same table and an extra chair"

And now that what happened in the last panel of the previous page is explained, having the word "teleport" stamped across it seems a bit redundant now.
apples
August 11th, 2010
You need more spacing between your panels, and lolwat everything is leaning to the left on the fourth panel. The last panel was just a copout. It would've been far more effective for you to just draw the figures broken up and distorted rather than loosely scribble over them and slap the smudge tool everywhere.

Second to last panel, it would've been great for Adrian to drop into a more crouched, defensive stance, instead stiff stiff stiff. I had to flip a few pages back to find out his name, you only said them once and already a few pages on I've forgotten them. Just having them address each other by their names every now and then would fix this, nothing helps something stick to memory like repetition.
apples
August 11th, 2010
Usual problems here. Font, perspective, figures empty environments (they might as well be floating in hammerspace for all the good those backgrounds do)

And speaking of shadows, the lack thereof on your figures and environments is made only more noticeable by your character's interplay with her own. Dynamic value-play can be a great tool for your to use here, especially considering your character's abilities. Even some simple cell shading would give everything more dynamic and have more depth
apples
August 11th, 2010
Again with the font! And the shoddy, empty environment! That is one stiff jelly-bean head. Loosen his stance, he looks like he's constipated, standing stiff as a board, hands balled and arms pressed pin-straight against his sides. he also like he's grabbing her butt in the third panel.
apples
August 11th, 2010
Again with the font.

Also that is one big, empty space, like most of your environments. I'm guessing you haven't done to many interior room studies? Look at the second panel, the room is ridiculously wide and nothing in it but what's relevant to your scene. There's no character to it, it isn't telling. You have a great opportunity to tell us more about where we are with this nice big wide establishing shot and nada. nothing. No other tables, nothing on the walls nary a texture to tell us what anything is made out of. Is it a bar? A restaurant? Is it a shady establishment? Is this happening soon after or much later than the last page? What time period are we dealing with?

Also work on your pacing.
apples
August 11th, 2010
Choose a better font. There are many free fonts for comics you can get online, just go and google them. Try to keep the size more consistent and give the text better spacing from the edge of the bubbles.

Be more aware of perspective. Look at that last panel, the figures are horribly out of perspective compared to the building behind them. Going off the size of the door as a point of reference, they are about two feet taller than the creatures intended to use that door. Figures obey the lines of perspective as would any other object. Try reading some books by Andrew Loomis, he covers perspective most extensively. Also with the horizon line so damn high, we shouldn't be viewing the figures on such a flat plane, we should be seeing them from a higher viewpoint, ie seeing more of the top of their heads, shoulders and whatnot.
apples
August 11th, 2010
Again with the bland backgrounds. I had to do a double take to see that in the third panel, that is in fact supposed to be a window instead of a very odd abstract painting. You also need to be less selective about how you apply your lighting, you're missing out on some really great opportunity for value play. There could've been light streaming out of that door and from the window onto the dark street, you could have your figures cast shadows and become part of their environment. Intelligent application of values can carve a path through the panels and the scene for the eye to follow.
apples
August 11th, 2010
Oh christ, look at the guy's neck and shoulders in the third panel. You need to spend more time and attention to your backgrounds, they are bland, communicate very little, and feel like you slapped them together at the last minute.