You're still relying too much on thin strokes in your new shading approach and letting details overpower the form, I think. Try not to let detail shadows break up the lit parts, like how you currently have the dark shadows on her shorts all across the lit part of them. You're also putting highlights, midtones, and shadows everywhere, even though some parts should be entirely in shadow, and some parts shouldn't be getting highlights. In addition, highlights don't have to be white! By using white highlights, you make everything look really shiny, like everything is metal or PVC clothing. Some things should have duller highlights.
Also, you don't seem to be thinking a lot about your light source and the body's forms. Why are there highlights on the outlines of her breasts, even though the shadows suggest the light is coming from above? Why do the shadows underneath her breasts just make a dark halo around them, even though breasts are half-spheres rather than discs?
Explaining this stuff in text is hard, so here's a quick sketch-over:
I removed a lot of the highlights, and I prioritized form-shadows. The various folds on the shorts are suggested by the highlights and the shadow/light boundary, rather than drawn out in full. This makes the shorts easier to understand as shorts, because they're not buried in detail.
I also changed her breasts significantly. Clothes don't shrink-wrap to breasts! Even tight clothing doesn't stick to the inside of the cleavage, it covers it. Note where I put the highlight - it's not around the outlight, it's where the most light hits the breasts
I didn't do anything with the hair, but the same ideas apply to the hair. Don't draw every strand, focus on the form of the hair.
If you struggle with light and shadow, and with understanding the human form in 3D, I highly recommend taking the time to do some studies. Life drawing is ideal, but drawing from photos or videos is a decent alternative if life drawing isn't an option. If even that gives you trouble, step back and practice seeing forms by drawing simple objects like coffee cups and tennis balls from life. Complex forms like the human body are made up from simpler forms, so if you learn to understand simple 3D forms, you'll have a much easier time thinking about 3D bodies and how to shade them.
As for your comic lineart, I think the main thing you should focus on is using line weight. As I mentioned earlier, use thinner lines for things far away, and thicker lines for things up close. You can also suggest forms by using thinner lines on the lit sides and thicker lines on the shadowed sides of objects:
You can tell where the sphere is lit from even though it's only lineart. The thickest lines on the pyramid are thinner than the thickest lines on the sphere, so it looks further away (and of course, the overlap also helps a lot!).
You're currently using your full range of line weight on everything no matter where it is or how important it is, which isn't helping things at all. In fact, sometimes your line weight actively works against you. You use very thin lines on chins compared to everything else, even though chins usually have shadows under them. This makes them not really read like chins, but like shirt collars or something. Light and shadow matter even at the lineart stage, so you need to learn to think in terms of light and shadow instead of leaving them for last.