Please review Pokeman!

Nominate a webcomic for review here. You may suggest your own comic.

Please review Pokeman!

Postby Trance87 » January 20th, 2012, 11:20 pm

Hello everyone!

I have started a yaoi comic called pokeman, loosely based on the popular pokemon franchise. However, all of my characters are original.
I have just completed the first chapter and would like some feedback. This can include the comics strengths, and also things to work on in the future.
This comic does have a mature content warning, so make sure you are the appropriate age.
If you are not a yaoi reader, please to do not give a hate review, keep it constructive! :)

I thank you for taking the time to look over my work. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed creating it!

POKEMAN
Image
User avatar
Trance87
 
Posts: 36
Joined: September 6th, 2009, 12:08 am

Re: Please review Pokeman!

Postby blankd » January 20th, 2012, 11:58 pm

Informal review:

The anatomy need a lot of work, I understand this is supposed to be a parody/satire/jab but even the non-satirical parts of the art are off. I recommend doing some life drawing so that you'll improve over time- do not go back to redo the old pages, focus on overhauling the art for the future pages. (If you're curious as to what, it's practically everything.)

You also seem to use "chibi" and other overused elements from anime such as the sweatdrop- try to avoid doing this or using it more tastefully. Personally I would axe the sweat drops, vein throbs, etc. because of how overused they are.

Another is that the color feels really... off, some of the choices are kind of painful, such as Ruby's shirt. For that I recommend some basic understanding of color theory. You can keep it that idea of color but tone it down a little since it's practically neon. (Other colors also feel too saturated, try toning them down a little.)

The backgrounds are also extremely simple, you don't have to to have complex ones but as it stands they are currently only showing off how weak your grasp of backgrounds is. Learn some perspective and try to reference some locations to get a better understanding of it. The only other part that sticks out about them is how rigid everything looks, almost everything is perfectly vertical or horizontal.

There are parts of your humor that could be good and some of them slapped on too hard, like simply putting phalluses on everything- it's okay for a quick joke but when all your elements are dick-themed, there's a problem. The weakness chart was one of your better jokes since it's actually tying in the game mechanics with your satire. Basically try to figure out when you're beaning your audience over the head with a joke and when a joke is placed appropriately. (Another example of laying it on too thick is when Prof Wood flashes them and Ruby and Rain ask why he's naked- the the joke is too blunt and indirectly assumes the audience can't figure out the punchline- if you have to explain the punchline you are being heavy handed.)

Some nitpicky things would be that you seem to lack line variation and that your speech bubbles are obviously created with whatever program you're using (for a comic that is more organic looking this sticks out a lot).

Anyway hope that helps, if you have any questions feel free to ask.
SuperBiasedMan wrote:Just because you've proven something blankd doesn't mean I have to believe it.

Image
my Tumblr! and my Sketchdump! (Most recent post in the SJ Sketchdump - 11-21-13)
User avatar
blankd
 
Posts: 3760
Joined: January 28th, 2010, 12:43 am
Location: screen

Re: Please review Pokeman!

Postby Trance87 » January 21st, 2012, 7:00 pm

Thank you very much for your review. Although I was already aware that my art still needs work, I will make sure to consider all of your suggestions while I continue my comic.
Image
User avatar
Trance87
 
Posts: 36
Joined: September 6th, 2009, 12:08 am

Re: Please review Pokeman!

Postby blankd » January 21st, 2012, 7:16 pm

Oh and one last thing, your banner is really boring. Try to put something besides the logo! Put some characters on it!
SuperBiasedMan wrote:Just because you've proven something blankd doesn't mean I have to believe it.

Image
my Tumblr! and my Sketchdump! (Most recent post in the SJ Sketchdump - 11-21-13)
User avatar
blankd
 
Posts: 3760
Joined: January 28th, 2010, 12:43 am
Location: screen


Return to Nominations for Review

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest