Requesting a review for my comic

Nominate a webcomic for review here. You may suggest your own comic.

Requesting a review for my comic

Postby Pidgeot Slayer » January 20th, 2019, 7:04 am

I saw that people requesting for reviews
Please do one for http://www.smackjeeves.com/comicprofile.php?id=179267?
User avatar
Pidgeot Slayer
 
Posts: 47
Joined: January 6th, 2019, 6:36 pm

Re: Requesting a review for my comic

Postby eishiya » January 20th, 2019, 9:41 am

Five pages aren't enough for people to write an actual review since there's not enough material yet to know what the comic's consistent strengths and weaknesses are or where it's going. But, if you're just looking for quick impressions and feedback, people can provide that.

To be honest, I can't tell what's happening in your comic. It took me two reads to understand that the rabbit got dirty from the yellow sand, and that not even the bird knows why the rabbit blames it for that, and that the dolphin washed it off. The actual art shows this stuff fine, the problem's your page layouts - they make it hard to focus on anything, nothing seems important and worth thinking about because everything's the same size, the panels have very similar compositions. The important/dramatic/surprising panels should generally be larger, while the transition/less-dramatic panels should be smaller. You do play with size and shape already, but you don't go far enough. Page layouts are a critical component of comics, they influence how readers understand the art.

Although it's mostly your layouts that make the comic hard to read, the art does carry some of the blame. For example, on page 1 the bird sees the rabbit's ears sticking out of a hole, and on page 2 the rabbit's just standing there... somewhere. Where is the hole relative to the bird? Where is the rabbit in relation to the bird and to the hole? Is it the same rabbit (there's no indication that it emerged from the hole)? As a result, while the reader can guess that it's the rabbit from the hole and it came out of the whole, it's too much of a conscious guess and feels like the reader is making up for the writing rather than following it. I think the easiest way to solve this particular example would've been to have a wide shot showing the bird and the hole in the environment instead of just the hole (perhaps an over-the-shoulder shot of the bird, so that the focus could be on the hole), and then to have the first panel on page 2 have the rabbit emerging from the hole rather than already out and away from the hole.

Some of your panels blend together, consider using panel gutters between them (white/blank space in addition to panel borders, rather than having just a panel border separating them). Sometimes you have "gutter crash", where corners of multiple panels align, this is a problem because it's a distracting tangent, and it can cause ambiguity in reading direction (do we read down and then right, or right and then down?).
Image
(Panels that almost align but not quite are just as bad as, or even worse than, panels that align perfectly. Make sure there's plenty of room between nearby panel gutters!)
It's much easier to avoid gutter crash when you use a variety of panel sizes, so that's yet another reason to vary them up!

Lastly, I think the rabbit's drawn way better than the bird! And it's due to one thing, really: you're freehanding the rabbit, but using the circle tool for the bird's head, which looks very artificial and out of place. (You also change the size of the bird's head constantly.) The pages where you freehanded the bird's head looked better, although the head still felt a little separate from the body, compared to how well you draw the rabbit's head. Birds usually don't have a distinct chin or separation between the head and neck, their (usually small) head flows into the neck smoothy, which then widens out into the body. A large head is good for a comic since it lets you make the bird more expressive, but you can still have those smooth transitions into the neck/body to help the bird look more bird-like.

Although I've critiqued your pages a lot here, I think it's important to note that these issues are all fairly easy to fix once you know what to do (and hopefully I've given you an idea of that!), and that you've avoided many other common beginner pitfalls on your own. You're well on your way to making good stuff, and I'm excited to see where you'll be with another year of experience.
Image
User avatar
eishiya
 
Posts: 9729
Joined: December 5th, 2009, 11:17 am


Return to Nominations for Review

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests