Critique the above person's latest comic page

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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Froken Keke » August 21st, 2012, 8:23 pm

This is about page 40.

First of, I like the design of the rock monster version of the black hole kid(Did he have a name? I've forgotten.), with the twirly eyes and the arms and the sort of backpack of smaller rocks for throwing. I also like how it has a sort of yellow glow, while the robot emits blue lights, it makes it immediately clear which one is which, something I usually have a problem with in the fight scenes in many comics.

However, I found the layout of this page really confusing. Instinctively, I read the panels like the red line shows, which didn't make much sense. After looking through the panels a bit, I figured that the green line is how it's meant to flow.

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Generally, comics are read from left to right, and thus is how the page layouts should flow. You can go upwards and down in pages, but it has to be very clear, most comic artists can't get the flow of such layouts to work without adding arrows to show the way. The fact that the top three panels look around almost the same size, and are placed right beside each other, encourages the viewer to read them in that order.

I also think the sense of motion is a bit unclear. From what I gather, in the second panel the rock creature forces itself downwards to shoot up in the air like a spring in the third page. The only clear indication of this is because of the result in panel three, and how the open space in its body in panel one is now closed. Taken out of context, it just looks like the creature is shaking. You could have made it more clear by slightly exaggerating the pose and having a sort of downwards motion. Have him really go down and compress his body as much as he can, it would be much more clear.
You got the upwards motion in panel three really good, but in the following panel, the creature has suddenly landed, with no downwards movement. It's just a collision that contradicts the action of the previous panel. You need to have a panel inbetween which shows a reversal in direction, or perhaps have the direction of the jump be more clear in panel three. Like perhaps have the creature jump towards the robot, as it is, it's jumping really high up in the sky, which just makes the following action just as more contradicting.

That aside, I do like the last panel. Since nothing really happens, it does create a break in the action, and it does set a certain sort of mood, it looks almost a bit regretful, though I don't think that's what you were going for. None the less, it's a nice addition.

On a final note, the SCHWOOP in panel three does look a bit jarring. The sound effects in panel one and four fit in with no problem, but I feel this one just sticks out too much. I think it might be because of the text being half transparent, instead of it having a solid color. It sort of makes it pop out more than the other texts and attract more attention than necessary.

(I somehow find myself talking a lot about your webcomic in these threads... Strange.)
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby BonesMcKay » September 20th, 2012, 11:12 am

Spoiler! :
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Alright, I like that the comic and that it has a pretty nice flow from panel to panel. However the high contrast is actually hard on the eyes. It makes it difficult to focus on. Part of this may be coming from your panels, especially the top ones, being claustrophobic. I suggest show a bit more open space in mid-shots. You don't want you panels to look super busy.

Also make sure to consider gestalt, or parts to whole. Each panel should be composed to your best ability, while, at the same time, contribute to the whole page. It'll make it a lot easier to read.

I hope this helps. Keep at it and think about composition.
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Molly-sama » September 20th, 2012, 7:15 pm

Spoiler! :
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I like the coloring here. It's not overly saturated and dark (like where they are is dimly lit perhaps) and it's not muddy. In the top panel, the expressions are done nicely.

Though the bottom panel threw me off at first. The blobs in front of her seem a little too washed out to be the crowd (unless that's not the crowd... O_o). And I don't quite see the point of the second to last panel after the first one because the reaction seems similar to the above expressions. It seems to me it should be after the final panel, but that might just be me.

My page:
Spoiler! :
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Hatianidiot » October 15th, 2012, 9:31 pm

I like the style your comic has and will definitely give it a more complete look-through later on.

I like your coloring and shading, you really have a grasp on colors and how the mood of each panel is informed by the levels of shade.

Your line art however is a bit stiff, especially in the bottom panel, her whole body is a bit small for the action that is taking place and the image feels unfocused.

That being said this is a good comic page, I especially love the blood stains from the scythe, and the action is clear and readable.

My only critique is to make it more poppy, otherwise, this is a solid job with wonderful coloring and shading. Keep it up!
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Molly-sama » October 16th, 2012, 12:08 am

Please critique Hatianidiot's page! I'm just asking a question!

Spoiler! :
Hatianidiot wrote:I like the style your comic has and will definitely give it a more complete look-through later on.

I like your coloring and shading, you really have a grasp on colors and how the mood of each panel is informed by the levels of shade.

Your line art however is a bit stiff, especially in the bottom panel, her whole body is a bit small for the action that is taking place and the image feels unfocused.

That being said this is a good comic page, I especially love the blood stains from the scythe, and the action is clear and readable.

My only critique is to make it more poppy, otherwise, this is a solid job with wonderful coloring and shading. Keep it up!


Did you critique the If Angels Prevailed page instead of the Among the Ashes one I put on the thread? I'm just asking because I am confused with the blood and whatnot. Thank you by the way! ^///^


Please critique Hatianidiot's page! I'm just asking a question!
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby melaredblu » October 16th, 2012, 12:49 am

Spoiler! :
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@ Hatianidiot:
This page is pretty funny, that's for sure! The simple background works well enough for me, though it's hard to tell what he's crawling under in the last panel.
The way you drew the girl's head in profile looks weird. She's got a mouth pasted on the side of her face, no ear details, and her nose is snout-like. Her arms are also noodley. I'm not sure if that's a style thing or not, but giving her some joints might be a good idea.
She looks a bit better facing the camera, but her head looks out of line with where her neck should be.
The kid looks fine. I have no problems with him, except for maybe giving him some ear details. The foreshortening on her hand in the last panel is also pretty good.

Here's my latest page.
Spoiler! :
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Hardly ideal, I know. By all means, be brutal.
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Spoiler! :
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby repsychus » October 16th, 2012, 11:15 am

melaredblu wrote:Here's my latest page.
Spoiler! :
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Hardly ideal, I know. By all means, be brutal.


ALRIGHT. First and foremost, the good things. Your usage of flat greyscale is appreciated. I think tones would drown out your very solid style of line art and muddle the imagery. It also helps ground the lighting, especially with the dramatic final panel. Good choice, I commend you. I also love your choice of having a lady of color in this. It makes me very happy to see different races in a comic, especially when they have speaking parts. Your panelling is also not overwhelming. You have white gutters, which lets us read the action easily enough (I think black gutters would make this page far too dark). Your bubbles are also nicely placed.

Now for the harsher part of this - you really need to look into anatomy. I'm not saying this like "OMGAWDS, YOU SUK," but I think it would help any artist at your level to rethink the way they draw figures. Your girls here are far too static, their necks are too thick and their heads are very small, squat ovals perched atop them. I do think that the background gestures in panel two are a good attempt at dynamic poses - not to mention the hilariously cute little girl smushed up against the glass in the foreground -, but you might want to look into looser wire frames. Here are some references: Basic female frame, lots of interesting references images, lots of tutorials, and an actual blog dedicated to this. These are only a few references. Feel free to search for yourself. I think it will help you with your no-chin, thick-neck issues.

Next, your typography. This irks me as someone who really loves words and how they are read. You need to choose a different font, in my opinion. Please pick something in all caps that is not handwriting, but not strictly sans serif business font. You can find a number of these online for free - my suggestion is one of the newer versions based off Comic Sans. And you also need to look into the leading, which is the space between the first and second line of text. Here, your leading is probably on auto, right? Well, it's such a great distance from the previous line that the reader could almost skip into the next bubble without noticing there is more text within the first. This is an easy fix, especially if you're using photoshop. Be careful of how you place your lettering within your bubbles. I said that I liked the placement of your bubbles, but the text within seems to just be floating aimlessly. I know there is that massive temptation to just center everything and forget it, but you really need a breathing space around your text. It is almost a visual unto itself, and if the lines of your bubbles come too close to your text, the wording can appear crowded and unpleasant to read.

Now for your panelling. While I said earlier that I enjoyed the white gutters and that the panelling could be easily read, I'm questioning your choices in terms of how this page is set up. You have what looks like the end point of a segment where the girls are deciding to go and do something. That's all well and good, I don't even mind that it's smaller panels, but you need to consider why you just suddenly smacked the last panel onto this page. I feel like you could have made more room for backgrounds and little, intimate gestures if you had ended this page with the girls leaving, instead of cramming everything at the top and then BAM! Doomtreeevillair panel. You could have effectively introduced this last panel on the next page, either by doing a succession of thin panel lead offs to suggest time, or just putting in a little note "meanwhile, in spider tree of death and destruction..." It would have made me focus more on what the girls were saying, where they were going, and their interactions than just having an abrupt scene change. While something like this can work in, say, animation or a cartoon, it becomes jarring when it happens in a comic. Or sometimes just plain confusing.

So, yes, that is my critique. If you would like me to look into any further pages, you can PM me. If you have anything to discuss regarding my opinions, you can also PM me.

NOW FOR MY PAGE, WHICH IS KIND OF NSFW (butts n' stuff) - WARNINGS: YAOI AND MENTIONING OF DOUCHING AND SEX (YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED):
Spoiler! :
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby mossi-mo » October 16th, 2012, 7:39 pm

Oh goodness, I needed this thread. My latest page is not my favorite, and a good critique would help me a bunch ;~;.

NOW FOR MY PAGE, WHICH IS KIND OF NSFW (butts n' stuff) - WARNINGS: YAOI AND MENTIONING OF DOUCHING AND SEX (YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED):
Spoiler! :
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I suppose I should have a look at the entire comic or at least the chapter to actually understand what's going on, but as I'm in public, and not particularly inclined to take such a risk, we'll have a short looksie. We'll go panel by panel after I give first impressions. I'll refer to your gentlemen as cBlonde and cBrunette.

Here comes the crit!
Spoiler! :
[DISCLAIMER]You've got a higher level of art,It also means I've got a lot to say because I know you can do it.If you think I'm too hard on this page, just remember I'm only suggesting small changes you can do right now. If you really want me to take the proverbial cigarette to your proverbial hand, PM me.

Overall impression:
Overall, you can do a higher level of variation with perspective, zoom, etc.There's not a lot of that here. If this comic has one bed scene (and the after bed scene) try to give some variety to the shots in the conversation. It's ok to switch the angle up to 180degrees in any particular direction within a scene (not more!!!!) The more directions you switch, the more chaos you'll create, so don't get too fancy just to get fancy.

Panel 1: It's not obvious that they're bathed in light until Panel 3, but I'll address it here. I assume there's no flourescent lighting in their canopy, so even if the morning sun is bright, some harsher shadows would heighten the ambiance.Now, I'm not talking chiaroscuro here, just a deeper greytone at key areas to soften the general light from industrial to bedroom. Right now, a lot of the shades float right into the white, and its a little too hard to see if it's shaded at all. It may be the brightness of my screen, but you do well enough with it on cBrunette's hair, I expect it to be a simple change for you.

Panel 2:
Aw look at him, his ego is big enough to pop him out of the panel. Good job.

But only after zooming in do I see, oh! you've put in the background curtain. Darken that (just a little so we can see your hard work)! It's good information, and adds more ambiance.

Panel 3:
The depth of frame is good. I would imagine there'd be some latticework in the window, and that would be a nice detail to add if you aren't about to throw in a scenic outdoor background. As it is, it's a massive whitespace with a pale figure against it. Though it could be good in some scenes, it detracts from his throwing arm, which is the point of this panel.

As an aside, the tossing of the pillow switches the line of action from L->R to R->L, which can be dangerous if you don't notice it. If you end up with a page that packs in a lot of panels and not a lot of dialogue and do an action switch, it can get a little confusing for the camera. In this case, it's fine, just bringing it to your attention.
Some action lines between the arm and the pillow would do nicely as well, even one may be enough, it'll emphasize that cBlonde launched it. Alternatively, bringing cBlonde a bit "forward" by darkening his lines more would also have the same effect.

As we move to the foreground I wonder HOW BIG IS THE BED? At this range, either the men are quite tiny, or this is a double california king. Is the bed attached to the wall (from which we are the flies gazing in), and how close is it to the window? At the moment, the placement of the foreground pillows and the lack of difference between the edge of the bed and the start of the window imply that the bed IS the room. I haven't read so Idk if that's true, if it's not, a little more detail on the fore-foreground and back-background will remedy that.

Lastly, and this is my biggest suggestion, because I spend a lot of time looking at manbutts: cBrunette's butt is too clenched for that position. It's ok to enhance his err...assets, but at that particular angle of the legs and back, the glutes are actually a bit more "relaxed". Even on someone with maximum booty, it wouldn't look quite like that. Smooth the connecting lines and soften that muscle a bit to blend it more.

Panel 4:
You don't have to draw out each individual frill on the pillow, there are ways to suggest the form of the frills without having to do all of that work. It will look more natural and save you less time.

cBrunette's smarmy face is great.

Now, let's talk about hands, the thing about these things is that line weight and shadows basically MAKE the hand. You use a lot of blurred-smoky effect to denote shadow, but when it comes to hands, you've got to make some stronger deliniations. If I look closely, the actual linework is just fine, but the thickness is a little too uniform, and creates confusion.

Oh hey look the background curtain is there too. You can darken it a little or just leave it out, cBrunette is so big it isnt terribly needed.

Panel 5:
More smarm, good on you for showing the same emotion with different faces!Give that left brow some love too, it's been in the same position while righty gets all the fun.

Now, about the anatomy. It's pretty unlikely that cBrunette's mussed hair would lie that straight across his face. In reality it should dangle from his nasal bridge or just behind the button of his nose.

Though cBrunette is a big strapping boy, his deltoids are too puffed in this position. He's holding the pillow a little forward and his elbows should be near his waist, therefore his deltoids would be smoothed out. No worries, he'll still look like a big fella, because his triceps and biceps will be about the same.

Your shading on the hands is much more definite in this frame, but the right hand seems to have doubled in size.

Panel 6:
I assume you're going for Hmmm, but it's coming out as a "how do I fix this??What to dooooo??". cBlonde looks, well... worried! Is he worried? If he's not worried, it's ok to make him look a little more vengeful or cutely sinister.


Now, here's my page, have at it
Spoiler! :
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby JoKeR » November 14th, 2012, 4:34 pm

I don't know but I like your last page ...it tells everything what is necessary to understand the situation. even without reading the previous pages. But what I would change is the paneling and add some content.

-too much close ups from his feet. One closeup where he lose his weight and start to float is enough. And the feet are too calm for someone who doesn't like zero gravity.
-The Hand grabbing for support is not dramatically enough ...but ok. Maybe add a little panel where the protagonist try to reach for the holding and miss the first time.
-not enough face acting ...well the face can tell a story on its own without any speech bubbles ...one shot with his face telling us "I don't like whats happening here" is enough.


I hope this was somehow useful for you.

My last pages is actually the last of a three page sequence ...but... what ever.
Here it is.
Spoiler! :
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Black Collar » March 31st, 2013, 2:02 am

Alright, it was suggested I start this thread up again which I think is a great idea!
-You're first panel was nice, A bit empty, but that was okay with what was happening. For the angle it was at, I would of at least put some line detail in for the walls or roof.
-It took me a while to understand what you were doing with the second panel. after a few secants it made sense. A little to much black makes things a bit hard to understand. I would of mixed some darker gray in there with the black, just to give things a bit more definition. Especially outlining the character.
-I loved the movement in the third panel! It had a lot of life to it! The lines were perfect in showing movement! My only complaint again is to put a background in there. I believe in every page you should show at least one panel of where your character is. If you don't, no matter how good the art is, it makes the world seem empty or bland.
Overall, I thought the page was great! I loved the more subtle angles you used! And the movement was in my opinion excellent.

Alright. I'll use a cover page for mine.
Spoiler! :
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby MannyKat8x » April 3rd, 2013, 10:51 am

Black Collar wrote: Alright. I'll use a cover page for mine.
Spoiler! :
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Ooooh! Lovely job with the cover! The layout and composition are pretty well done too.

The only thing I would suggest changing (other than the anatomy on the face being a bit off since that angle is tricky for me too) is that the background and foreground almost melt together, especially the sword on the rock, I can barely see it. Maybe brighten/pale out the background a bit more so you can tell the difference between foreground and background a little better. That's how atmospheric perspective works, since as something gets further away it'll get lest detailed and a bit paler.

Lovely job on the tree though, I'm a huge fan of trees and you did a great job on it :D

And now here's a page for someone to critique, lucky for you guys it sort of works out of context. (I think the fact that he passed out in a previous page is pretty obvious).
Spoiler! :
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It's also one of my better ones since the page coming up for Thursday's update is kinda bad looking outside of a panel or two.
Image <-- My main webcomic
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Image <-- And my new one
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Crimson Chains » April 3rd, 2013, 1:29 pm

Wow, this is a really cool thread!
Such a shame it went dead for awhile.

Ah, I'm not very good at reviews so feel free to take whatever I say with infinite grains of salt! O_O

I like the colors that you have, they work well together and aren't overly bright like some color webcomics. It also makes the bright orange guy in the last panel stick out well and make that "surprise" moment even more effective.

I also like the expressions that your chracters have, they are very good at conveying the emotions and never leave us wondering what a character might be thinking.
Your paneling is also pretty interesting, it's good that we get different camera angles for each panel but they aren't so vastly different as to be disrtracting. The spacing of the panels is also nice, they don't feel too crowded and the flow is good.

I think that the black fade that acts as the division between the first and second panel could be either longer or shorter but more jagged. It looks like he's just woken up from a dream but if you want it to be a sudden jolt I think it would be more effective to make that black border shorter and more jagged to imitate a jolt. If He's gently waking up then it should be longer to create the feeling of a longer time, the way it is right now it's kinda in the middle and not very clear as to the feeling of that realization.

Considering how surprised the brow- haired guy is to see the ghost I think it would be better for that panel to a little bigger and have some impact lines (or whatever you call them XD)
The shock he's received seems to be quite big so the panel should probably reflect that. Currently it gives a feeling of slight surprise instead of the immense shock I think you meant for him to have.

Overall I really like the layout and think that it makes an interesting page, especially with all that ominous laughing! Good job!

Ah, my page reads right to left, btw! :P
Yeah, yeah, i know, "weeb" XD

Spoiler! :
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Eh, not a very impressive page but I like it so would like some feedback! XD
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby ursulaoctopus » April 5th, 2013, 9:18 pm

Hey there. <: This thread is pretty cool.

I like the contrast in your page, especially in the later panels. The dark sky and the character dressed in black against the smaller amounts of white looks good. It draws attention to the sky and the character. However, the first panel kind of falls flat because it's mostly white--the character gets lost in the whiteness. I also find that the first panel is very distracting because it's so big. It has the least amount of action, while the other panels (especially the last panel) are squished off to the sides despite that they have more action. However, like I said, the contrast in those panels is great and the overall flow of the page is nice. <: The action looks great, and I like the perspective in the background, and would love to see more of it. And don't be afraid to use darker tones for the background.

Anyways, hope that helped. ;w; Here's my latest page:

Spoiler! :
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby JoKeR » April 6th, 2013, 6:06 pm

ursulaoctopus wrote:
Spoiler! :
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I really like the characters, and the paneling is plausible.
The Colors are sometimes a little bit grey-like ...it's more realistic, but keep in mind in comics is contrast a must to improve visibility.
In your last page is the contrast much better now, because the whole scenery is brighten up. But now do the Background come to light ...and we see now a lack of stability.
Those wobbly lines and the low details are no benefit for the scenery.

My suggestion ...reduce the details even more or increase them. This middle way is neither fish nor fowl.

AND I don't appreciate the lack of Zoltar in your last page ... :mrgreen:


So... my last page:
Spoiler! :
Image
Image

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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby The Dewd » April 8th, 2013, 4:14 pm

JoKeRcologne wrote:So... my last page:
Spoiler! :
Image


Well overall the page is good, and the positions are very fun to look at, the only thing i noticed is that the eyepatch guy's arm in the last pannel looks a little to short.

Here's mine! Also a quick note, I don't usually do these kinds of anime styles, I'm just trying something new with this webcomic.

Spoiler! :
Image


Also, again, I know the size is a little too big, I'll fix this in the future.
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