Critique the above person's latest comic page

[darkenergy]

Went with KatraN....

Great art, there's no doubt you know how to tone and set up action. Your foreshortening may need work but I'm bad at it so can't tell properly.

The speech bubbles are what really need work, the text needs to fit better inside them. if they're taking up too much space consider using a different font. also, way too many ellipses. I'm still trying to figure what would be said out loud in the first panel.

The current effect looks sloppy to me, which is a shame because the art is great.

[kabutoottonin]

A pity the page doesn't fit to the frame for me at least...

Otherwise, I had a little trouble figuring out what happened, but that had partly to do with part of the text missing
Your drawing style seems simple and relaxed, I like it.

[mitchellbravo]

I feel that in the panels where we see the characters' full bodies (or most of them), their heads seem too small. I know that realistic proportions call for a body that is about seven or eight heads tall IIRC, but I feel like the comic's style don't really benefit from those proportions. I also feel that the lettering is too difficult to read because it's written in almost a cursive-style where the letters tend to creep up on each other.

I like the varied perspectives though, the variety makes the page visually interesting. I like the varied body language.

[repsychus]

First thing's first, your style is really fantastic. It's American cartoon at its best; expressive but also simple. It delivers a punchline clearly with the swift brevity of wit that I've come to expect of you (the last panel is sublime!).

As for the areas of improvement, you have a tendency to make your characters too stiff. That may come from just the length of their faces or their position on the couch. I'm not sure. Yet, while the second panel accurately depicts the weight and form of the characters at that distance from the viewer, the shading from that point forward doesn't really convey the same presence of their bodies as they lounge upon the couch. Consider making sharper contrasts, especially with what I assume is such low lighting.

Your backgrounds are also a little too non-descriptive. I can't imagine a wall looking quite so bland in many homes, especially one that looks like a comfy, straight-from-the-20's parlor. Then again, perhaps that's just my love of backgrounds talking...The last crit that I have to give (beyond the stiffness of the characters, the lighting, and the background) would be the lack of form in the bottle and glasses in the first panel. It doesn't feel very reflective or shapely.

Alright, that's all for my crits. I adore your story. I'm glad I got to check out the latest page. XD

[VanSavesLives]

Does critique mean I have to find a problem with it somewhere because I can't find anything wrong. The art is strong, and oozes style. The lines are clean as hell. I absolutely adore how you use color. I REFUSE TO SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT THIS!

[Lapsang]

Does critique mean I have to find a problem with it somewhere because I can't find anything wrong. The art is strong, and oozes style. The lines are clean as hell. I absolutely adore how you use color. I REFUSE TO SAY ANYTHING BAD ABOUT THIS!

Yes, had exactly the same reaction! I came on here yesterday and then just left as I could think of literally nothing to crit about Communitas.

@repsychus - Your work is amazing. However, on second look I do have one thought which is that your panelling is very static, especially for a page with quite a lot of drama and movement. Now, this isn't really a crit so much as a suggestion as paneling style is often a personal preference issue rather than being right or wrong. I will freely admit that I have a weird aversion to straight lines which may bias me on this, but I would consider loosening up that tight grid a bit when you draw high drama/action pages.

@VanSavesLives - Oh, for gods sake! Another practically perfect, un-crit-able page! I don't think I can manege two in a row, I'll let someone else try to find something to say about your wonderful comic.

[repsychus]

@Lapsang: Thanks so much for your awesome crit! I will agree that my paneling is probably the weakest part of my artwork. I just don't know how to get my panels to match the illustration. I suppose this is the point where I go back to reading more shonen manga to see what the paneling is like.

Now for your crit!

The thing I like most about Hurricane City is the gritty nature of your style. I've always been a fan of traditional media (really, there is nothing harder to get right, in my opinion. You don't have an undo button!) and the mysteries of "how did they do that?!" You've got some pretty advanced techniques here with pen work, which blend nicely with the chaotic atmosphere of this page. Your perspective is very true, especially on the buildings. I can feel space as well as motion, which is definitely hard to do.

Now, for the parts that need improvement. I think that one of the downfalls of your crosshatch shading is a loss of texture. You employ the same crosshatch to the side of the buildings as you do to the individual's facial close up. It makes you wonder if they are made of the same material - consider using a different kind of shading for soft things, like skin.

Your buildings are also very uniform. While I know that can sometimes happen in cities, especially those that were built all at once, I tend to believe that there would be a little more architectural differentiation in the siding of the buildings. It'd be nice to see brick work, wood, or something other than slate or concrete.

For your grey shading, I see that you've used copics. The problem with copics or other markers is that they have this tendency to overbleed into the next set of strokes, making kind of a wave-like effect in your shading. My best suggestion is to look into ink washes or watercolors. While they are harder to handle and more permanent, you are going to get a clean wash 7 times out of 10. I think those are pretty good odds for someone who is already so skilled with ink work.

Love Hurricane City. I'm glad I got to look at the latest page. It's a real treat!

@VanSavesLives:

Wow, thank you for the sincere compliment! Coming from a digital artist of your calibur, it really means a lot to hear such encouragement. Even so, allow me to disagree with your assessment. I still have a LONG way to go. lol

Now for your crit!

Your digital artwork is flawless. There is space, there is light, there is perspective, there are smart color choices. I have to agree with Lapsang in that I can find hardly anything wrong with this. Your paneling reads well, your speech bubbles do not get in the way, and your typography is clear, crisp, and pleasant to look at.

Perhaps the ONLY thing I could crit you on is the fact your characters seem to have large heads. THEN AGAIN, this may be a stylistic choice. I also notice that your face shapes can sometimes be a little similar depending on gender. Of course, you make up for that by changing other facial features to make sure your characters are different.

Other than that, I'm wowed. Great story. Great art. Thumbs up on you!

[Lapsang]

@repsychus Oh WOW, thank you so much, that was seriously amazing!

You're completely right about the cross hatching, I have a tendency (particularly when I'm being lazy, HA) to treat it a bit like a tone, just doing a flat area of indiscriminate texture on everything. Your comment reminded my why I started doing cross hatching in the first place, I was hugely inspired by 19th century book illustrations and their ability to convey so much, texture, light, mass, everything just using lines. It's something I'm not really taking full advantage of at the moment and I really should.

You know, the thing about the buildings hadn't even occurred to me! That's the absolute BEST kind of crit, when it alerts you to something you didn't even realise you were doing! Perticularly as I really don't want the city to look like it was all built at the same time. It should have a much more eclectic, built up and added to over centuries look and varying the look of buildings more would be a fantastic way to get that across, thank you!

The thing about ink/water colour washes is also a great suggestion, the stroke waves were starting to bother me to. It also might work out cheaper, Copics make my wallet cry...

About your panelling, I know how you feel so much it hurts. I'm having that problem with speech bubbles and text at the moment, trying to fluidly meld your artwork with these weird artificial elements can be a nightmare!

Personally, I only started liking my panels when I stopped using a ruler (or a digitally controlled straight line). I'm not saying you should do that necessarily but it helped me and might be worth experimenting with. Drawing them free hand can help make them look more in keeping with the line work inside them.

Another thing you could try is allowing the image to dictate the shape of the panel more, at the moment it looks like you're giving your self a box and working inside it. The panel should be there to follow and enhance the picture not constrain it.

This is a more personal thing but your scenes are so beautifully drawn I'd like to see more bleeds. Try doing away with the panels all together now and then and just let the reader bask in a beautiful setting. Provided it's not over done (as I've been know to do, whoops) this can really give the feeling of being there.

[repsychus]

@repsychus

You know, the thing about the buildings hadn't even occurred to me! That's the absolute BEST kind of crit, when it alerts you to something you didn't even realise you were doing! Perticularly as I really don't want the city to look like it was all built at the same time. It should have a much more eclectic, built up and added to over centuries look and varying the look of buildings more would be a fantastic way to get that across, thank you!

The thing about ink/water colour washes is also a great suggestion, the stroke waves were starting to bother me to. It also might work out cheaper, Copics make my wallet cry...

The type of watercolor I suggest that is cheap but not TOO cheap would be Grumbacher: Academy Student Edition. These watercolors have a nice pigment flow and are very responsive to water. They may require a sturdier paper, but I've been working with them on papers as smooth as bristol with only minimal wrinkling. It depends on how thickly you lay on the paint and how much water you use. Less water = less loss of sizing. I've even managed to use them on copy paper without totally destroying the paper, though the wrinkling was terrible.

The colors I suggest for you that make the best grays are lamp black, indigo, sepia (though only touched with other blacks, to warm up a grey), ivory black, and Davy's grey to start with. At around $2.99 for a smaller tube, they're really good and last a long while. Jerry's Artarama is the cheapest.

Also, here is a good reference for different architectural designs: Tumbler, my friend. It's a godsend.

Personally, I only started liking my panels when I stopped using a ruler (or a digitally controlled straight line). I'm not saying you should do that necessarily but it helped me and might be worth experimenting with. Drawing them free hand can help make them look more in keeping with the line work inside them.

Another thing you could try is allowing the image to dictate the shape of the panel more, at the moment it looks like you're giving your self a box and working inside it. The panel should be there to follow and enhance the picture not constrain it.

This is a more personal thing but your scenes are so beautifully drawn I'd like to see more bleeds. Try doing away with the panels all together now and then and just let the reader bask in a beautiful setting.

I do think that no longer using lines might be the best way to go for my next post (believe it or now, but Communitas is an visual RP-style comic!). I've seen many other digital comic artists use it successfully, and it's certainly something to try.

The box thing comes from thinking a little too cinematically. I have a tendency to lay down a box and work as if I were working inside a camera, with a limited field of vision. It shows most here and here. The second page I hate so much, I'm seriously considering redoing it after I finish my posting as scheduled.

So, yes, sorry for the long exposition and derailing the thread. Thank you very much for your kind critique.

[uglyfun]

Communitas: I actually looked at all your pages so far to get a better scope! It seems to me that your environments, hands, and faces are very lovingly drawn. That's great, because those three elements are notorious for being difficult to draw for many comic artists. It's clear that you have put forward a lot of effort to become skilled at them. On the flipside, I think bodies and gestures become your weak point. I find that your anatomy is generally well-proportioned and consistent, but can be stiff and could benefit from more effective posing. I also have a small issue with the composition & flow of your panels, which I'll use your latest page as an example for. I hope you don't mind that I have sketched a (very horribly drawn) thumbnail page over top of yours-- sorry for the messiness :')

Spoiler! :

Here are my thoughts on the page you've drawn, and notes on what I'd change.

The top half of the page I like very much. The four panels get progressively smaller, which causes the viewer to read them as a quickening of time, giving the audience a sense of urgency as we perceive that time is running out. However, I am hungry for diagonals up here-- I want to see the characters' bodies reflecting that urgency. You could even give a slant to the panels themselves, as I've done, though it's a bit dramatic and the panel shapes you've used are also effective. Straight lines are static and diagonals are dynamic, as you undoubtedly know. Giving the panel borders a slant that "falls" forward like a stack of dominoes towards the rightmost edge of the page can enhance the oppressive feeling of time running out.

I have also modified some of the poses slightly. I wasn't sure exactly what the body language of the healer is meant to express in the first panel. One hand appears to be pushing the knight away, but the hand isn't touching the knight nor does the knight's pose suggest that he is falling towards the healer. It's also a pretty unnatural position for a hand to be in, albeit a very well-drawn hand From the context, I'm assuming that the healer is concerned and trying to catch or help the knight, who is falling over from his injuries. I don't think my solution here is the best one, and I'm sure you could find a better one if you sketched ideas out for a little while.

The two bottom-left panels are jarring to me in their placement. I'm not confused about what is happening-- that much is very clear. The wonky thing is that you have a knife being held at the healer's throat, but the knife panel is above the panel with the healer's eyes. Spatially on the page, the knife is above the healer, even though we know from the following panel that the knife is below the healer in the scene. Furthermore, the healer is looking down at the knife at his throat, but away from the knife that we see on the page. I know why you arranged the panels like that, and it makes sense: the knife is brandished, and the healer reacts-- it's an issue of sequential timing. But it does feel visually awkward. Again, I've used diagonal panels-- they allow me to "cheat" past that particular compositional bramble.

The final panel is a good strong note to end this page on. You do a lot of things well here: you pull back the scene enough that we can see what has happened in the previous two panels, while remaining close enough to feel the healer's terror. You give us a much-needed resting place where we can gather our thoughts from the frenzied action of the previous panels/pages. You use verticals to express the stillness and stress of that moment. And you leave us on a good cliffhanger for the next page. The only thing I would change is, again, posing. The way you have him, the healer appears to be leaning into the knife, or stretching his neck forward towards his attacker. I've changed his pose to one that leans back away from the source of his fear. I've changed the angle just slightly to an up-shot to drive it home. (I have a hand in there too but I'm not sure I like it. It may be more effective to leave it out, as you have.)

I've mainly focused in this critique on what could be done better, rather than what's already working. That's because I can tell that you are very skilled. I could easily have talked just as much about all the strengths of your comic, but I hope this has been more helpful. :'D

[JoKeRcologne]

Well your style is totally wobbly ...I mean this is not a bad thing it is ...your style and makes you comic stand out.
But what bothers me are the speed lines they are very confusing and don't help your action scene.

For example the first big panel here...

Spoiler! :

The Wooosh implements a big sidewise movement but I can only see a static character and many wobbly speed lines ...I know what's going on but it is irritating.
Maybe you should try to cut this scene in two or three smaller panels where you show the entire action with ...starting the evasion ...got nearly hit by a hair's breadth ...stopping the evasion with too much drive and almost fall...
This way the scene would be much more dramatical and you would avoid to make much speed lines ...especially the curved one.

The third panel is the worst with those off-centred lines ...they going everywhere but not really to the centre, therefore is the impact of this panel cancelled.
I see you use a paint-brush for inking this mean you can't really use a ruler.
But with a little trick you will be able to draw "straight" lines.
Take a conventional ruler (wood) and two cheap eraser (take the cheapest eraser you can find) two of the same kind and as thick as your brush tip is long.
Glue the eraser to both ends under your ruler... ready ...Now you get a ruler for brushes.

Keep it up ...your comic is fun.

[walkin_talkin_apocolyps]

oh yay i like this game! tis so helpful! im happy it got brought back C: im kinda terrible attit tho

Spoiler! :

ok FIRST off i like the drawings and all the hatches and shtuff you got! :3 yur really good at that and keepin it clean. if i had all those hatches it'd probably get all scrapped up when its scanned so im impressed/jealous :3 i also really like the panel layout! using the same kinda panel for each thing sorta makes each one stand out a wee bit. well for me at least so im payin way more attention to whats happenin in them then i would anyway. and the last panel is a liiiittle bit bigger so it makes it seem really important and cliffhangery about whats goin on.
the second panel ish my favorite tho i think. i like the way you did the swoosh lines and made whats behind it look sorta fuzzy without usin some kinda photoshop effect. and i like the hatches you have in the corner. they just look snazzy C: and i reeeeeally like how you did the lighting around the lamp thing on the last panel.
a few things do kinda bother me just a itsy bit tho. you got most of yur solid blacks on the left side of the page and it makes it seem sorta unbalanced and its kinda confusin cuz most of yur action ish goin on in the right side of yur page. also the backround in the 3rd panel seems a little out of place. the rest of the page is all inked lines and black and white but the backround there is blurred out and gray...

i cant tell whuts going on in this page. i probably would be able to if i read more pages but i dont wanna cheat >.,< it looks like those two people are tryin to sneak into or out of somethin while that other person is gettin attacked by rocks and whatnot. so if that IS whats going on then nevermind. :3 everythings savvy. but i cant tell if those people are in the same room or not o,.O
the first line is kinda funny tho. it makes me really want to meet their momma. or not meet her. probably not meet her.

OVER ALL the drawings are pretty good and all the motion is done super snazzy! ya dont over-do sound effects which is good and i like the way yuu use motion lines o_o yur line weights are also pretty good! im not that into the way you do faces but thats just my taste or somethin i bet. i cant say that much about the writing tho cuz there isnt that much writing on this page XP

i think i covered everythin. i hope this isnt too confusing to read with all my ramblin and typos. i should probably read over it before i press submit. i should do that. im not doing it.

[MadameEvelyn]

Not sure if I'm doing this right, so I apologize in advance.

For Page 38:

Off the bat, your top panel is the first thing catching my eye. Which, of course, is the intent, but it's a clear shift from the otherwise square/rectangular panels on the rest of the page. It also draws a lot of attention to your crumpled robot figure, which is executed really nicely.

The best thing about this page is the use of texture, as everything has its own sheen and polish from benefit of the color usage. The orange panel closer to the bottom is a bit of a shock in your color palate, especially since the dominant scheme of the page thus far has been cool colors (blue, purple, green). Speaking of that panel, the action is extremely zoomed out for such a small panel, which makes it a bit less effective in my opinion. Whereas the robot's comeback in panel 3 is a rather static shot, and you use a very large panel to frame it. Also, I didn't catch on that the golem was moving until I really thought about it. Though in Panel 3 it allows for a wide view of both the golem and the robot, the real action in the punch in Panel 4 is very much diluted by the much larger panels surrounding it.

Overall, though it's an interesting fight sequence, your paneling frames it in a very static manner, and I think some variation in the panel shapes and perspectives within the panels would better show the movement apparent in the page. It would also let us see a different facet to the golem, as on this page we only get his back in two panels. It just doesn't feel as action packed as it should be, because a lot of the focus is on static moments instead of the action.

I like how Panel 5 stretches out to the border of the page, and it really gives us a great view of the robot wreckage, which as I mentioned above is a real draw in your style. I'm also a big fan of the SFX on this page, as they don't interfere with the action but add to the cheesy goodness of a classic battle setup.

I also enjoy the consistency of your crater placement, and the placement of Parsnip in perspective. However, I feel that something's a bit off in that second panel, as it feels more like the robot has suddenly doubled in size rather than moved into the foreground. It's a minor issue, but I still noticed it.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________
>> I haven't posted this page yet, so I'm leaving a link here for the person kindly enough to help me figure out this page! I would really appreciate a good and long critique on this page, especially in the fields of perspective and anatomy. I know something's horribly off with this picture, but I don't know exactly where to start to fix it. Any and all advice would be very helpful.

http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b208/ ... h1p1-1.jpg

[eishiya]

I haven't posted this page yet, so I'm leaving a link here for the person kindly enough to help me figure out this page! I would really appreciate a good and long critique on this page, especially in the fields of perspective and anatomy. I know something's horribly off with this picture, but I don't know exactly where to start to fix it. Any and all advice would be very helpful.

I like the top panel. However, the bubble covering the faces feels wrong to me. I think I realize what you're trying to do, and I think you should distort or darken (or lighten with more reflective highlights) the faces in the lens more, so that they don't draw so much attention to themselves.

From now on, just panel 2 stuff:
Perspective:
Are they inside or outside?
If inside: The room they're in has no sense of being a room. Even though the stage is probably set up so that it looks like they're outside on camera, in this shot, you should break the illusion. Show some shadow where the background curves from the wall to the floor, show some visible spotlight edges, etc.
If outside: The horizon line is too low. Going by the relative positions of the characters and the perspectives on the characters, the viewer/"camera" is positioned above eye level, so the horizon should be above the characters' eye level.

The camera seems seems to be a straight-on view, while everything else is in perspective. Looks off.
The raised platform's bottom is below the horizon while the upper part is above (or right on it, maybe), but both have the same perspective going on.
My recommendation for both of these: Actually draw our your horizon line (it probably won't match the "fake" horizon drawn on the studio scenery), and put down a vanishing point, and redraw the camera rails and platform based on that.

In short, the issue with your perspective seems to be that you simply didn't actually plan it out. You have different horizons and vanishing points for every major element of the image (the scenery, the camera structure, the platform, the dudes in the background, Laura, and the director). As a result, they all appear to stand on different planes, rather than on the same flat floor.
Remember, characters follow perspective too, they're shouldn't be somehow isolated from the perspective of their environment. By having Laura's front feet lower in the image than her hind feet, you're hinting at perspective, which is great, but what about everyone else?

Lettering: When showing back-and-forth dialogue (How did I do? / Quite well [...] / Thanks! / [...]), the bubbles need to be in clear succession. Right now, the dialogue order reads to me as How did I do? / Thanks! / Quite well [...], which is clearly wrong. I would place the "How did I do?" bubble lower, roughly where the camera in the background is now, move the "Quite well" bubble more to the left, and put "Thanks!" under it. The other bubbles would also need to be repositioned to keep a comfortable reading "arc" in the bubbles.
I think the text is too small, some letters get smooshed together.


Nitpicks:
Why is the camera pointed at her and the director? If she was in that position while shooting, then the director would have been in the shot. If she walked to where she is now after they cut, then why is the camera pointing where it is? I think you should just have the camera point off-screen to avoid this confusion.

The "tree" thing is too obvious. I think it would be best if you took the writing off, and instead added the support structure that holds it up. Readers will instantly read it as "scenery prop" and won't need to worry about the fact that it's a tree (and those that do will be able to guess from the shape). If you do want writing on there, then at least make it follow the perspective of the object.

I don't think the rigid, perfect lines on the camera rail and raised flatform mesh with the lines on your characters. Using those lines as a guide, maybe redraw/trace it by hand? Or, at least, make the lines thinner so that their straightness isn't so apparent. Besides, objects in the background should have thinner lines anyway xP Thinner lines help push them back.

If the grass isn't drawn on the floor but actually sticks up, it should overlap the bottom edges of whatever stands in it, like her hooves, the platforms/railing, etc. Because there aren't any blades of grass sticking up/overlapping objects, the grass looks like a flat carpet with a pattern on it.

The director's chair doesn't look like it curves to fit around his back (even rigidly-built chairs are usually built with curved backs, and fabric chairs curve on their own). The curviature that is there makes it look like he's sitting crooked on it.

I did a red/blueline:

Spoiler! :

Nitpicks in red, a possible alternative bubble set-up in green, one perspective suggestion in blue. These are sketchy and lazy and not exactly spot on, but I hope they'll help illustrate my critique a little better.
An important thing to note on the perspective: I arbitrarily chose the horizon based on Laura and where I think an average person standing would see the horizon. I assume she's a little taller than most people (I could be way off), so I put the horizon line a little lower than her eye level.
The dudes in the background got shrunk so that their eye level matches to the horizon line (keeping their feet at the same level you drew them places them pretty far into the distance, I don't know if that's what you want. The camera guy is sitting on a pretty high seat, so his eyes are above the horizon.
I also sketched in some of the more important lines on that platform based on this new horizon line (and forgot to sketch the guy on the platform, but I hope you can figure things out from here).
Also, I made the background dudes smaller, but the nitpicks were drawn first, so the camera is still huge. Sorry about that xP

Again, the perspective I sketched is just one way to do it, you should decide for yourself what sort of perspective you want. You can place the horizon line higher or lower, you can put the different characters closer or farther away by changing their size, etc. You can even move the position of the vanishing point depending on how you want objects positioned or where you want to guide the eye.

One last note: Background dudes! I sketched them in more balanced poses.
The boom operator in particular looked off-balance because his head was too far out. In a balanced pose where both feet are supporting the person's weight, if you drop a line from the head to the ground, it should end somewhere between the person's feet. (the closer to the middle it is, the more balanced the pose, barring counterweights or something).
The guy in the hardhat also looked a bit unbalanced and I didn't get him quite right either, but I think he looks more balanced now. Because he's putting all his weight on one leg, his head should be roughly above that leg. The other leg doesn't support much weight, but it counterbalances his hip, which should be jutting out a bit in that pose.


Whew! I hope that helps! Sorry that it took so long for anyone to respond to this!



My own latest page is a two-page spread, I hope that's okay. The two pages are meant to work together, but if that's too much, feel free to crit just page 5 (on the right).
Also, this is a sketch comic, so I'm not really inking it/making it neat.

Edit: I've since updated the comic, so feel free to choose either the linked spread or whatever the current newest page is.

[walkin_talkin_apocolyps]

THANKSH madamevelyn! that was mega helpful! and you rock socks and stuff so i like readin yur stuff :3

but aaaah i really didnt wanna go after eishiya cuz you just made such a huuuuge critique and mines probably not gunna be as ginormous >.,<

SHO ok heres for page this
i like how ya get the scene all set up at the beginnin of the page. it seems like it could be a real place. it doesnt seem like just a backround. its a pretty mood setting scene too instead of just showin where they are. well i dont know what the moods suppose to be actually but it seems quiet and peaceful but also a little eerie. probably because it looks sunny, theres a church, and happy lookin grass and trees. but also the fallen mcdonalds sign (that what that is?) and the graffiti that says "pray" makes it look a little less safe.
then the last panel makes it go way eerier. the shadows are spooky. they kinda seem like fingers. and sayin "be careful" at the top with spooky at the bottom is a good cliffhanger.

the talk bubbles confuse me though. i cant tell whos talkin. if it's just one person or two people. in the first panel it sounds like just one person except the last line "we'll find something" throws me off. it seems like that should be another bubble because it doesnt match what the persons sayin in the bubble its attached to.
i do like where the bubbles are put mostly though. they're good sizes and they go across the page in a good way so you hafta look at the whole page read the bubbles. it's also good that they dont cover anything important. the last bubble though seems hard to find. the other ones are pretty in the open but the last bubble is right over a sketchy lookin tree. so the words and stuff get a little lost over all those lines

for the art i know ya already said that its a sketch comic and all but idont really like the idea that its a sketch comic... sorry. it makes it kinda hard to read thru when the it seems like the artist isnt workin that hard on it. it kind of makes it seem like i shouldnt care as much either...
BUT i can tell that if it wasnt sketchy that it'd probably be good art! you dont get lazy with the backrounds. even tho they're sketchy, theres lots of detail. i can also tell what mostly everything is which is good! so they arent really sloppy sketches. the only thing im confused about is in the second panel. i can tell theres a hand holdin a gas container. and then the persons legs behind that. but i cant tell whats to the right of them or what that pole lookin thing is on the left.
i also think there should be more solid black spots. solid blacks are really good in black and white comics because they make it look more interestin and balance the page a lot. they're also the first thing people usually notice. so it kinda also throws it off that the only solid black you have is at the bottom because then thats the first place i look even though i figure it should be the last place i look...

hm. ok. that was pretty long actually! C: i didnt think i'd be able to critique this much! im happy

i feel kinda weird goin again so soon tho. so if someone else wants teh get critqued next instead thats ok! i just didnt want this place to die XP