Giant life sum-up rant

[Mr.Zobe]

Well, let me start by saying, I really never tend to rant about my personal life on the internet, because well...they're my problems. Though I saw this thread thinking "I need to post in Smackjeeves more, since there's a larger amount of sane people" and..well, this caught my eye.

Now, I live in a small countryside town in the middle of nowhere, slap bang in rainy sheep "country" Wales, UK. The good part of the town is that it's low in crime and it has a quaint friendly atmosphere. The worst part is, everyone knows you and everything about you, and rumours can spread across the whole town in a few minutes... I'm sort of sick of my life and I'm really needing a change, and it's good because I'm going to university in September in a town far enough away.

Due to the people there being so closed up and word going around, when you're friends with someone, you're forced to be connected to their family and friends, which will connect you to the whole town, and you end up having to put up with a lot of people who can be a royal pain, just so you don't upset the balance and cause impending shit storm. I have this problem as my town is full of hippies, chavs and general annoying bimbos, and I'm really not over exadurating.

I get on with my friends really well, and I'm not perfect by any means, my friends have to put up with my over talkative ways and how I'm so incredibly bad at doing anything on time (I am the worst kind of procrastinator) but they always let me down. I forgive and look after them because they are true friends and they mean well. It's just because I'm the rock of the group that seems to fix and sort everything out, whenever I'm away everything falls to bits and they panic and shout for me. Though when I'm there and sort it out, the amount of work I put in for them is never recognised (This can be anything from searching for a lost friend in the middle of the night down empty pitch black roads or taking the shirt off my back to give to a freezing drunk friend or just sitting in the rain with a friend waiting for them to get a bus)
I'm never given credit and friends just take me for granted.

The Bus is a problem of it's own, my town feels like it's held together by tape, it's old fashioned and everything is closed by 6pm. Also, the buses only come once every 2 hours. Only to the next 3 towns too. The drivers are always crabby and people in town generally can be rude and annoying and rowdy.

I'm a homosexual, I'm in an amazing relationship with the love of my life, Mike. Who you all may know as Tezzle. He's amazing and really helps me cope with the bullcrap I have to put through. I get people really digging into me for being gay, to the point of blocking me inside a local kebab house and shoving me and grabbing my ass, the people behind the counter even joining in with the laughter. I know I'm too small to fight back, but sometimes I do get close to pushing my luck.

My father is completely unaccepting of my homosexuality and is the owner of a company that employs a lot of the town's teens. All he does is rant about how lazy I am and how I do nothing around the house, whilst in the house the only conversation we make is usually a command for me to do something, in a specific dragged out condescending list, as if he doesn't make me do these things every day. My mother is a kind woman with an amazing sense of humour, though her organising skills are worse than mine and she's a local barber (also scottish). She tells everyone about me and my artwork so the whole town knows my business. She has an issue with listening to my requests so lately I've had to not tell her about what's going on in my life which makes me feel horrible. She's loving and caring and her hearts always in the right place. She can just be a lazy drunk a lot of the time. The two keep a very untidy household and blame it on me as they expect they dont have to clean when they work all day. My parents both do a lot for me and try their best to get me through life, but where my father has logic, he never gives loving advice, and my mother can be condescending and hippieish. eg "Believe in yourself and god will make your lifes wishes come true". Thanks Mum, it really helps.

Because I am a 5'4 small gay 19 year old, a lot of people condescend me and treat me like the gay nerd. I'm perfectly social and have lots of friends. A lot of people just don't give me a chance.

Through my entire life all my teachers in school to college have told me to drop cartooning, because in high school it was distracting me from my studies, and as for college. The tutors were bias as they went in 3 different directions with their lives. Fashion design, photography and 3D modeling. They never liked my cartoons. I was easily distracted and socialised a bit too often in college, but a lot of times they were far too bias marking my work. In my final extra year of college, I was behind on the previous project. I spoke to my tutor and he gave me a deadline to give it in or I was out, then we'd talk from there. I thanked him and brought it in on the given date. He ended up screaming at me for an entire day saying I was a waste of space and such. I broke down that day but tried to hold my own, but with the group of girls class I'd been in all year, the whole year had just been a mega self-confidence dropping bitch fest. I ended up quitting on condition I get the grades I'd got so far in certificates. Though they agreed. I never received them.

I feel my artwork is depleting since I have spent years working on a spin off comic series around a show. I've become the single most popular artist in that shows fanbase, and gained attention and praise from the creators, which has changed my life and I'm so grateful for everyday. Though I'm being praised for selling out typically. They aren't praising my artwork, they're praising copying skill, and I hate it. With fans literally worshipping me each day.

I'm often friendly and the voice of reason of my friend group. I have issues with letting out all my problems, though I'm not a recluse. I'll let people know when somethings wrong, I just hate to let everything out as I feel I'm just making myself a burden on everyone. I always open up to Mike as he is the nicest person to me and completely understands

I can understand that this post makes me sound like a complete problem child, but trust me, I'm very happy in my dat to day life. I go out for drinks and I socialise lots. I went to a theme park with Mike and a friend not long ago and I get a lot of love from my family and friends making it worth it, and praise from townspeople for my artwork along with web popularity over on DeviantART. It's just the other stuff always gets in the way and really upsets me.

I know no-one can give much advice more than "oh shit" but ranting really helps me let it out, and I know all I have to do is grit my teeth and bare it for a few more months until I leave. I know I can do it, I've survived this long. It's just really hard to cope sometimes. :/


[I backspaced this but did copy it incase..I had a talk with Tezzle in bed and he said I seemed to want to submit it, Im just afraid of coming off as an emo shit, he said this forum is full of understanding honest people]

So...yeah, it just helps that other people can understand...thanks for reading the wall ^^;

[Ddraigeneth]

-hug-
Rant away. A lot of us end up with similar issues. As you said, just a few more months and you can get away from it.

And I wouldn't worry about the comic. Being able to mimic other styles can be very marketable, and some people seem to have a surprising amount of trouble with it. As long as you're not trapping yourself into only being able to draw that way, mimicry can be an interesting way to bring new elements into your own style, as you figure out what that is.

[H0lyhandgrenade]

It does help sometimes to just get these things written down and out there. We all gotta rant sometimes. Here's hoping for the best for you.

[Reigan]

Agreeing with everyone (especially on Ddraigeneth's points!), it does help to just let it all out sometimes.

I do wish the best for you, though!

[Pinali]

From one Welshman to another, everything gets better when you go to uni. It's another world. Nobody will care about your personal life anymore. Nobody will give a shit you're gay because there'll be loads of gay people at uni.

Regarding your cartooning, I had the same problem for years, so I know that feel. I used to imitate styles very well, and all I ever drew was fanart in their original styles. At some point... you have to throw your hands up, say, "screw this," stop imitating and do your own thing. You'll lose fans by the bucketload, but it's worth it in order to become your own artist, producing your own shit. I hardly do any fanart anymore... I don't fancy becoming known as "that X fanartist" again. You seem to know how that feels. :p

As Ddraigeneth said though, mimicing styles is a good skill for getting industry work. A lot of my work involves someone saying "I have this picture another artist did, I need some more of the same character for new products, and if you can keep the style the same that'd be cool" and being able to do it is great. So it's not all bad.

[SuperBiasedMan]

As Ddraigeneth said though, mimicing styles is a good skill for getting industry work. A lot of my work involves someone saying "I have this picture another artist did, I need some more of the same character for new products, and if you can keep the style the same that'd be cool" and being able to do it is great. So it's not all bad.

More on this, the key is that you show how you can mimic styles, but that you're not a one trick pony. Show them some life drawing or a bit of variety in styles so that they know you're not just relying on the one style because it's all you can do.

[xkrazydog]

You really just have to take hold of your life, It's true that you do come off as you say "Emo shit" because it sounds like you take your problems like a sack of potatoes. You whine about your small town, if your town's so small and so close minded then the simple answer is leave (or plan to). If you have problems with your dad, talk to him about it, do something. You cant really complain about the cleaning around the house bit, because if you stay home while both parents are working it's the least you can do to help out. If your friends are being complete waifs tell them to get their act together and grow up, you can't babysit them forever. They may not be aware of what they're doing so you just have to tell it to them straight. And if mimicing a style is the only recognition you get with your work then for fuck's sake do something about it. Experiment on your art, show your little following you can do more than just draw in an already existing style, introduce it to them slowly or try to kill 2 birds with one stone.

Cartoons in general is a low brow art we all get slack for it in the art world. It hurts but if that's what you want to do then do it.
Because the future is just that much harder but it can only get better if you make it so. You have the support, you just have to move with it.

(I'm being blunt but you need more than just a shoulder pat, you need direction and plans)

[Mr.Zobe]

Thanks for the bluntness, I really do appreciate blunt honesty. Unfortunately, these answers are all pretty obvious. I am moving away soon, it's just a total pain waiting until then and as for the father. Talking is very hard with him. As I mentioned in the rant, telling my friends to grow up isn't really the best option as it would really bite me in the ass, as they are great friends, it's just letting me down a lot.

As for the art thing, that I have done, and it's working. I have been uploading much more me art and getting a lot of good recognition for it. Plus hahahaha, are you KIDDING me? Cartoonists are getting WAY more praise than other types of artists nowadays. People are used to seeing photos and landscape art etc, cartoons are very upcoming in common view as a true art style and people respect it a whole lot more.

Thanks for the comments guys C:

[Extreme5000]

I know one song to sum it all up.

ANARCHY IN THE UK. Even though there's no anarchy.

[NoDanico]

David Hyde Pierce is gay and he was great on Fraiser. So you should own the whole nerdy gay dude thing, start wearing tailored Italian suits, make snide remarks and jokes about Immanuel Kant. Then move to Seattle to play squash with your brother and marry a british housekeeper.

I think I'm out of my depth here, that was ment to sound supportive but now I just want to watch Fraiser re-runs.

And as far as copying other people's art style?

"What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun."

I think it applied to style too. I can't remember the quote but I think Mark Twain said something about it's when you stop trying to make something new, trying hard not to be like others is when you create your own.

...I am not good with people.

[avian-reader]

Nothing I can say that others more qualified haven't, just saying I pray things get better for you. By the way, I knew Tezzle visited you, and I know he has a boyfriend over here, but I never guessed you were his boyfriend! :O

All the best, anyways.

I know one song to sum it all up.

ANARCHY IN THE UK. Even though there's no anarchy.

You had to jinx it, didn't you?

[PerfectSephiroth]

All I can say is, it sounds like you've got the right idea. Just hang on until September, get to uni, keep doing what you're doing, and have fun with it.

I can't really speak on the subject with much authority, what with being five years younger than you, but it sounds like you're going to be doing fine. Everyone needs to get things off their chests occasionally.

Good luck, man.

Out of curiosity, where are you going to uni, in Wales or outside it?

[Ddraigeneth]

So you should own the whole nerdy gay dude thing, start wearing tailored Italian suits, make snide remarks and jokes about Immanuel Kant. Then move to Seattle.

I approve of this message.

[tezzle]

Out of curiosity, where are you going to uni, in Wales or outside it?

He's going to Uni in Wrexham.

Sorry to speak for him, but since this is still getting responses, which the both of us are touched by since he was a little bit curious if people on here would be so eagerly friendly (I totally assured him we're the friendliest friends on the interfriendnet) I just figured I'd let you guys know he's feeling much better about everything. About a week ago he got a brand new laptop which he loves to bits and he met with one of his old friends who'd been attending Wrexham also majoring in animation, and she really painted an awesome picture of the school for him. He can't wait!

This summer's been really awesome for the both of us and we both feel like we've helped each other out and changed for the better in some ways. Also thank you guys for proving me right about how amazing this community is!