Well, let me start by saying, I really never tend to rant about my personal life on the internet, because well...they're my problems. Though I saw this thread thinking "I need to post in Smackjeeves more, since there's a larger amount of sane people" and..well, this caught my eye.
Now, I live in a small countryside town in the middle of nowhere, slap bang in rainy sheep "country" Wales, UK. The good part of the town is that it's low in crime and it has a quaint friendly atmosphere. The worst part is, everyone knows you and everything about you, and rumours can spread across the whole town in a few minutes... I'm sort of sick of my life and I'm really needing a change, and it's good because I'm going to university in September in a town far enough away.
Due to the people there being so closed up and word going around, when you're friends with someone, you're forced to be connected to their family and friends, which will connect you to the whole town, and you end up having to put up with a lot of people who can be a royal pain, just so you don't upset the balance and cause impending shit storm. I have this problem as my town is full of hippies, chavs and general annoying bimbos, and I'm really not over exadurating.
I get on with my friends really well, and I'm not perfect by any means, my friends have to put up with my over talkative ways and how I'm so incredibly bad at doing anything on time (I am the worst kind of procrastinator) but they always let me down. I forgive and look after them because they are true friends and they mean well. It's just because I'm the rock of the group that seems to fix and sort everything out, whenever I'm away everything falls to bits and they panic and shout for me. Though when I'm there and sort it out, the amount of work I put in for them is never recognised (This can be anything from searching for a lost friend in the middle of the night down empty pitch black roads or taking the shirt off my back to give to a freezing drunk friend or just sitting in the rain with a friend waiting for them to get a bus)
I'm never given credit and friends just take me for granted.
The Bus is a problem of it's own, my town feels like it's held together by tape, it's old fashioned and everything is closed by 6pm. Also, the buses only come once every 2 hours. Only to the next 3 towns too. The drivers are always crabby and people in town generally can be rude and annoying and rowdy.
I'm a homosexual, I'm in an amazing relationship with the love of my life, Mike. Who you all may know as Tezzle. He's amazing and really helps me cope with the bullcrap I have to put through. I get people really digging into me for being gay, to the point of blocking me inside a local kebab house and shoving me and grabbing my ass, the people behind the counter even joining in with the laughter. I know I'm too small to fight back, but sometimes I do get close to pushing my luck.
My father is completely unaccepting of my homosexuality and is the owner of a company that employs a lot of the town's teens. All he does is rant about how lazy I am and how I do nothing around the house, whilst in the house the only conversation we make is usually a command for me to do something, in a specific dragged out condescending list, as if he doesn't make me do these things every day. My mother is a kind woman with an amazing sense of humour, though her organising skills are worse than mine and she's a local barber (also scottish). She tells everyone about me and my artwork so the whole town knows my business. She has an issue with listening to my requests so lately I've had to not tell her about what's going on in my life which makes me feel horrible. She's loving and caring and her hearts always in the right place. She can just be a lazy drunk a lot of the time. The two keep a very untidy household and blame it on me as they expect they dont have to clean when they work all day. My parents both do a lot for me and try their best to get me through life, but where my father has logic, he never gives loving advice, and my mother can be condescending and hippieish. eg "Believe in yourself and god will make your lifes wishes come true". Thanks Mum, it really helps.
Because I am a 5'4 small gay 19 year old, a lot of people condescend me and treat me like the gay nerd. I'm perfectly social and have lots of friends. A lot of people just don't give me a chance.
Through my entire life all my teachers in school to college have told me to drop cartooning, because in high school it was distracting me from my studies, and as for college. The tutors were bias as they went in 3 different directions with their lives. Fashion design, photography and 3D modeling. They never liked my cartoons. I was easily distracted and socialised a bit too often in college, but a lot of times they were far too bias marking my work. In my final extra year of college, I was behind on the previous project. I spoke to my tutor and he gave me a deadline to give it in or I was out, then we'd talk from there. I thanked him and brought it in on the given date. He ended up screaming at me for an entire day saying I was a waste of space and such. I broke down that day but tried to hold my own, but with the group of girls class I'd been in all year, the whole year had just been a mega self-confidence dropping bitch fest. I ended up quitting on condition I get the grades I'd got so far in certificates. Though they agreed. I never received them.
I feel my artwork is depleting since I have spent years working on a spin off comic series around a show. I've become the single most popular artist in that shows fanbase, and gained attention and praise from the creators, which has changed my life and I'm so grateful for everyday. Though I'm being praised for selling out typically. They aren't praising my artwork, they're praising copying skill, and I hate it. With fans literally worshipping me each day.
I'm often friendly and the voice of reason of my friend group. I have issues with letting out all my problems, though I'm not a recluse. I'll let people know when somethings wrong, I just hate to let everything out as I feel I'm just making myself a burden on everyone. I always open up to Mike as he is the nicest person to me and completely understands
I can understand that this post makes me sound like a complete problem child, but trust me, I'm very happy in my dat to day life. I go out for drinks and I socialise lots. I went to a theme park with Mike and a friend not long ago and I get a lot of love from my family and friends making it worth it, and praise from townspeople for my artwork along with web popularity over on DeviantART. It's just the other stuff always gets in the way and really upsets me.
I know no-one can give much advice more than "oh shit" but ranting really helps me let it out, and I know all I have to do is grit my teeth and bare it for a few more months until I leave. I know I can do it, I've survived this long. It's just really hard to cope sometimes. :/
[I backspaced this but did copy it incase..I had a talk with Tezzle in bed and he said I seemed to want to submit it, Im just afraid of coming off as an emo shit, he said this forum is full of understanding honest people]
So...yeah, it just helps that other people can understand...thanks for reading the wall ^^;