mockingbirdflyaway
I like birds and work nights.

Lots of drawing gets done.
  • Real Name
    J.L.
  • Gender
    Female
Send Message
@Kelisi: Welll, here's the link to the info page: http://www.smackjeeves.com/comicprofile.php?id=111232
:P I know the fav link is there! Thanks so much for reading.
We'll replace this with page 4 next week :)
You need to add some trashy romances onto that shelf :P
@Stig Hemmer: :P He is a lot of fun to write. Thanks for both your comments! :D
hey! This is Mockingbird from FCP.

Gotta say I LOVE your panels and line art, very skilled.

Only complaints are is that sometimes the dialogue seems a bit stilted and formal - I would recommend reading it all out loud to see if there's bits that can be smoothed out. :)
Constable Jemayr "Jem" Alteni. Speaker, magician and eternal optimist.

And yes, he is missing a finger on that hand.
AWWWWWW GRANDPA.

I was half committed until I saw the second to last panel. Now I'm reading the whole thing through.
The sad thing is that Mendel really does think he's putting on a sexually suggestive expression in the fourth panel.

Colouring by Celadon :)
oh god, call signs.

I ended up with "Tweety" for mine at my LEO training group, though I should probably count my blessings. :P
Rule of thumb - never have a character say the same thing twice on a page unless it is explicitly for comedic effect. A lot of this dialogue crowds in the characters and heck, the background crowds the characters as well.

Read this tutorial and the other ones by the same writer. They helped me out a lot.

http://telophase.livejournal.com/90546.html
The black and white drawings are more emotive and relatable than the CG. I like it better.
TYPOS "league" "believe"

The "shock" panel would have been way more effective if it did a close up of their faces as they reacted. The more intense the emotion, usually the closer in you want to go.
Here's an example of telling vs. showing.

"I'm surprised. He doesn't usually do these types of shows" sounds robotic and has a "I'm just saying this to inform the audience" feel. Never just state an emotion in the dialogue. SHOW IT! :D

More effective: "Really?! He wants to do a chick flick?"

Or
(disbelief/sarcasm)
"Cameron DAWSON. Wants to do a CHICK FLICK. Get out of here."


And then the director says something like "Hey, he wanted to work with you." or "He's tired of doing [previous type of films]"

Or makes some sort of humourous sarcastic comment "I think he got jealous of Pattinson getting all the fangirls"
If you want it to show that she's being spazzy, you'll have to really overdo the expressions and add 2-3 extra panels covering the minutiae of her movements. Like a panel of her slamming the door behind her, a beat panel of her looking at him, then a panel of her looking left with a tweaked expression, then a panel of her looking right with a tweaked expression, and THEN she moves on to whatever action the scenes call for.
Spiffy new comic page :D Enjoy

Pencils + Ink = Mockingbirdflyaway
Colour = Celadon
So, who IS speaking in the last panel? :P
@avian-reader: =Thanks AR :)

It's OK, life happens. It's the thought that counts ;) The fun thing about Celadon, is that she lives a couple km away from me, so I'll be taking her out for coffee at some point, lol.
The bit with the old man and the obscure composer a couple pages previously was one of the better dialogue bits you've done so far.
Does he have a name for it?

A friend of mine has a tenor sax named Tess and a clarinet named Bennie. I could never quite bring myself to name my saxophone.