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Hey, everyone.

I’m sorry I've updated so rarely the past couple months. This baby is driving me crazy, I didn’t want to adopt a baby, remember? But I love this kid to bits.

It’s been tough. Bernard’s been coming over every day and the emotional toll has been tough on him but, overall, I’d say we’re slowly all getting better. I don’t know how Mai is doing but… we’ve all been getting along ok.

Life’s weird. I don’t know if I want to adopt, I still want to, but it looks like I’ll have to put that all on hold.

Anyways, I came by to tell you guys

I can’t keep this up anymore.

I just don’t have the time. I thought after college, I had left behind the drama filled days of my youth. It’s not so bad, since I’ve been through it, I know I can get through this again and this time I can be there for Bernard, to make up for our childhood.

I think I’m just going to end the comic forever now. I know some people cope with adulthood by drawing about parenthood but, I dunno. I guess to be respectful I’m gonna end it? Some reader asked a while back when I’d end the comic. I guess now’s the time.

And I want to thank you all for reading my comic.

I just drew it on a whim, I never really got famous but that’s the way I like it. I got to know some of you individually, you told me your dreams, your fears over your past, some of you have made me cry telling your stories or just complimenting me. I never expected this silly little diary comic to have such an impact on people.

It had a huge impact on me too.

I managed to grow a bit.

Before this comic, I would have never thought of telling our mom or anyone about what happened, but drawing this all out and seeing you guys grow as well as supporting me through the tumultuous times, made me come to terms even more with my past. I sent her a long email detailing everything that Bernard and I went through that she didn’t know.

It’s nice knowing that my past wasn’t all for naught because I could help you guys as well.

I’m not Catholic anymore, I don’t believe in everything happening for a reason, I believe we make and find the reasons for the events in our lives. We dictate what is important and what isn’t important.

I feel like that’s important for your personal growth.

You can run and try to forget about the shitty things that happened to you. Or you can get rid of that “shitty” label, label it “mysteriously important” and examine it and help others.

I love helping people more than I thought. I’m still a selfish individual, I’m not like Connor where I’m going to explore the world and help as many people as I possibly can. I want to help only those selected few I’ve cared about, I want to help them even if I could die.

I want you guys to find something important to you as well.

I know a lot of the art majors/creative people I’m around scoff at the idea of a normal, suburban life. It seems to lack glory but I goddamn love it. I goddamn love that I’ve made work I’m proud of and I goddamn love that I come home every night and try to calm this crying baby.

If there’s one thing I want you to get from this comic, a point that I constantly try to make, it’s this.

You go through life seeing only one point of view.


Physically, emotionally, mentally, all you see is yours.

What does this mean?

You can understand this limitation and put forth extra effort to understand people. Understand that my stepmom, flawed as she was, was a fragile, tiny person with a broken heart and no stable way of expressing that.

Understand that everyone has a reason for staying alive, even if it’s impossible to see.

You can also use it as a way to understand that shows how important your life is because your life, your unique life, only you experienced. Only you saw what you saw and thought what you thought and that’s why you have to make time for yourself. Sure, you’re one of a million kids in the suburb, you had the same boring life as everyone, you had a mom and a dad, a sibling, you went to school, cried in a school play.

But that’s not it.

Everyone is everyone else, you are the only you. Only you can decide what to do next, assuredly. Even if it’s scary, even if you’re unsure.

So the fact that you only see life through yourself, that means you have to learn to be both completely selfless and completely selfish.

I was raised Catholic, but I liked Buddhism. I like the idea of balance.

I don’t believe there’s any one philosophy that fits everyone’s life. I don’t believe that anything I’ve said here is right for everyone or even anyone. It’s up to you to figure it out.

You guys made me feel like I had a purpose when you would come forth with your stories and tell me about your lives.

You guys gave me purpose.

You guys did.

And that’s pretty impressive.

All you did was read a stupid online comic written by an asexual, Vietnamese man. You’d comment occasionally, or send me an email, or never talk, but you gave me purpose.

I guess my purpose now is this baby.

I’m sorry that we have to part ways. I’m on the internet but I’d rather keep my personal life separate from this comic I made.

So now that this comic is over, the time you spent reading this you can now use to do anything you want. That’s amazing.

So thank you guys for supporting me, for talking to me, for reading, for everything.

I’m going to miss this comic a lot and I wish you the best of luck in whatever you choose to do.


One last thing.

The concept of forgiveness.

That was my most popular comic and the one that brought out the most emotions so I want to talk about it some more.

Forgiving is hard as FUCK.

Forgiving is taught by all religions but they never talk about how fucking hard it is or why it’s necessary. Mostly, it just makes it seem like the whole purpose is to let you get pushed around a lot but still feel superior.

If you ask me forgiving is the most selfish thing you can do.

When I forgave, it was the letting go of anger, not so much that I told my stepmom it was ok, which I didn’t. Because you know what?

What she did was fucking shit.

It was absolutely shitty that she beat two 5 year old around and kicked him in the stomach.

It was absolutely shitty she constantly told those kids that they were worthless, that no one loved them, that they would amount to nothing.

It was fucking shit she tore my comic books up and manipulated everyone in the family to turn against me, have them all think I was some monster child that just cried all the time for attention.

She was a shitty, shitty person.

But I had spent so much of my life hating her, plotting ways to get back at her, thinking about what I’d say to her when the moment came and

it was a huge fucking waste of my time.

My life meant more than that. It meant more than just constantly focusing on her. I had so much other things to do. I had my siblings, I wanted a family, I wanted to do art, I wanted to hang out with Brad, I wanted to stay up late and play video games or watch the stars or just about anything else.

So I forgave her.

Because she is just one person and my life was bigger than hers.

That’s not to say forgiveness isn’t also completely selfless.

I never got to live out those revenge schemes of my youth, but I got to see her point of view AFTER I forgave her. I saw what our dad did to her, to make her act the way she did.

She never got in trouble, she became a lot happier living in California. She’ll never know how much I hated her.

I moved on and did all the other things I wanted to do. She also got to live the life she wanted.

Forgiving sucks, it’s a pain in the ass, but it frees you from the emotional burden you’ve carried with you. Even if it was completely justified anger and sorrow, you’re free from that now. You can focus on enjoying yourself.

And to end, of course, I’m not saying everyone should forgive. Brad never forgave his parents, and I don’t blame him. His parents are shitheads that drove his brother to suicide and neglected him. I’ll be his emotional support for when he just wants to spend a night hating them because it’s fine.

From looking at other’s points of view, I’ve learned that all feelings are justified. I’m not saying actions, I’m not saying opinions, I’m saying feelings. You can’t help what you feel, you feel what you do and it’s cool.

Forgiving is great but it’s hard as shit and if you don’t want to go through that struggle then I’ll listen to you and help you shoulder the burden.

Best of luck with your life, do whatever you want in the most equally selfish and selfless way possible.

I’m going to miss all of you a lot and I love you a lot so take care. I’ve had an amazing four years with all of you.
Hey, it’s been a while. I’ve been busy.

How’ve you been doing? I’m still busy.

Also, look at this picture of Joshua and tell me I wasn’t right. n-busy-howve
@Popculturejesus: Holy shit, you're amazing, thank you. Holy shit!
It's been fun talking to Brad again and hanging out with Joshua and Bernard.

I'm extremely tired and I have a lot to do this week. Also, Joshua and his ear infection is acting the exact same way Connor did where I had to carry him around to get him to stop crying, if I stopped or sat down he'd pick it up again.

Babies. Why.
I'm eternally thankful for all the people I know.

Since I don't have as much time to reply to comments as I used to, I think I'll take this time to reply to what people have been saying about Mai.

I'm not going to at all equate that month long experience of raising Connor as an angry 13 year old to anything close to what mothers must feel, but it did give me a brief peek into how raising a child can take up so much of your time and how depressing it can get. I loved Connor but that alone isn't enough.

In media and stories, we tend to equate a mother's love as something that unrequited and boundless, something that everyone should just receive with no price. That's quite a thing to ask of a human being, to be able to shell out unconditional love and ask nothing in return forever.

In America, and in media, there's that idiom of not getting enough love from their mom as a shortcut to growing up to be a shitty person. That's quite a lot of pressure.

I don't know what Mai's going through, I'm not going to even ask, I'm sure she gets it enough from my family, but I also do not understand shoving motherhood on her. I understand, she willingly gave birth but at the same time I don't really condone the idea of having any sort of idea or at all fathoming whatever emotions she must be feeling. If she feels that much duress from being around Joshua, I doubt suddenly forcing her and Joshua to be together would do either party any good.

I have one friend who is about my age and still dating, so it's not uncommon for him to date people with children, and he understands unless he's willing to love the person's children, he doesn't really have any business dating them, it's a package deal. That's his opinion on the matter, yours might be different. Our stepmom really didn't give a shit about us, the thought of letting Joshua have to live with a mother that doesn't want him is not something I want him to feel.

At the same time, I understood our stepmom was 22 and was just into some guy and suddenly found herself spending all her time at home raising his kids.

It's complicated, I don't really know if there's a right solution, you're free to have whatever opinion you want but in my case I understand that there are complicated feelings from all sides and this is the best solution I can find right now, which is I'm pretty ok raising Joshua, despite all my trepidation, I have people supporting me and I think he's cute as hell. Even if it's not the ideal family situation, I think I can raise him in a happy environment.

Rather than condemn Mai, I would hope that you guys could wish me luck and hope Mai and Bernard manage to find happiness in their lives down their line.

As to the couple of readers asking me where Brad is, he'll show up next comic.
I've accepted that Mai will never want to see Joshua. It makes it easier, in a way, I think. I'm not sure but I have.
Hey, so first of, I want to thank everyone that sent me an encouraging message or a nice thought. It really meant a lot to me. I'm way too tired to reply but I will soon.

Just thanks for being so supportive and with all the parenting sites and the like, I've been reading them and they've been comforting.
@Cureal: No, thanks. It really does mean a lot to me. I feel like I'm trying to get attention online almost with all the sympathy I'm getting, haha. Maybe I am, I dunno. I just feel tired and incapable and... I honestly don't know anymore.

I don't know. I'm so tired and I just want to have a breakdown and cry or some fucking shit, I don't know.
@Reealt: Haha, thanks. Yeah, it's fucked up that a lack of romantic attraction is equated to being cold, as if platonic, familial love is relegated to the back seat. Eugh.

@Dumah: What the fuck! I hate that shit, after clearly stating how being friends is all you want and they keep pushing that shit as if you're playing hard to get, it's fucking awful fucking bullshit.

Haha. I can feel that doormat thing, I get that mentality where I know I'm the odd one out so I try to be accommodate everyone else at the price of my discomfort but I've been learning to put my food down about that shit.

Man. That guy, at least he apologized, I suppose.

@pohjoiseen: Hahahaha. That's unbelievable but at the same time, yup. I've heard all that shit too. And yes, it's just when they refuse to listen. I still have our mom telling me that I just haven't met the right person to experience true love.

When I tell people I'm perfectly happy with platonic and familial love, they tend to get weirded out or think I'm just lying to cover up my loneliness.
@Reealt: Thank you. Yeah he didn't have a crib at first 'cause we thought his stay at my place was more temporary than what it is now. I have to thank you and a lot of other people for baby advice, I didn't get to reply until not but I read it a while ago and it's been helping me be less nervous.

I enjoy lying with him in my bed though as we watch tv.

@yaoi4evandnevayuri: Haha. That's as much as I knew too, and thanks.

@lurker: Yeah, there's a crib now. Didn't put one in earlier 'cause we thought his stay was going to be shorter. Thank you though. If you have any more advice I'd actually really appreciate it.

Yeah. I've been putting him on his stomach more, I was really scared at first at accidentally suffocating him but he keeps his face free so I can rub his back. It's soothing for the both of us.

@Gore-chan: Haha, holy shit, I'm not that amazing, I honestly just feel like it's the least I could do after all Bernard's done for me, y'know? He's my brother and it's my nephew, I wish I could do more, honestly.

@roxjey: Hahaha. Thank you, again, not amazing, just doing my best but thank you, regardless. I'm still scared to be alone with Joshua but that makes me feel better.
@Draven22: Can I do that? I'll be honest, I'm afraid of hurting him. I'll try it next time.

@oldmoon: He is, isn't he?

@Cureal: Haha, he still looks serious often, I'm waiting for him to smile more.

@Reealt: Thanks! And he is really cute.

@cstar: Haha, if you ever come visit I'll let you hold Joshua. You'd probably do a better job than I would. Holding babies is nice though.

@Loserx0rz: I don't like babies, what are you talking about?! I'm a gruff, manly man that... that thinks babies are adorable, yes.

Thank you, I needed to hear that. Haha, and he is cute. I didn't notice he had a small mouth until you said so but he does here.
I'm extremely tired, I'll go into more details next comic. I miss everyone, I'm anxious being home alone all the time with Joshua, I feel like I'm doing nothing right and my ankle is still busted.
There’s a lot of shit going on but I think it’s finally settling down and I’m hoping I can draw a comic this week.

Joshua is what’s keeping me going now. He’s essentially living with me, I’ll tell you guys more in the comic.

I also am bed ridden due to an ankle injury so it’s been me and Joshua lying in bed all day watching Let’s Plays. It’s pretty fun.

Holy shit, I have so many baby pictures and videos.
I'm pretty fucking tired all the fucking time now.

I don't want to talk too much about it just yet but taking a baby is nerve wracking, especially when you weren't expecting to do so. Bernard's read all the books and done his research, I haven't.

I do like having Joshua next to me at night. He's taken Connor's spot but I worry about rolling over and killing him. I worry about killing him all the time.

I'm so scared all the time now and tired.
@Errored: Yeah, even for normal people having basic human decency and being nice get interpreted as expressing interest in starting a relationship is frustrating.

Haha, I've heard all that.

@roxjey: Yeah. She told him that she wasn't interested in romance, she explained to him about what she was and he still didn't listen. It was pretty goddamn amazing.

@Reealt: Yeah. I tried to explain to the guy that since she probably didn't interpret anything as romantic or asexual so if it did seem like she, she probably didn't mean it.

Haha, people have called you cold too? Never had that happen to me.

@lori: Haha. Miriam and Connor were talking about the same thing when that guy at work wouldn't stop harassing her, that he had this image of her and what would happen between the two of them so he kept acting upon those desires rather than listening to anything she had to say to him.

Yeah, it's that exact thing you're complaining about. It's just frustrating that people don't listen.

@petunia: Haha. Is that your go to strategy?

@NumberSix: As I stated multiple times it's not about them not understanding, it's the fact they refused to listen to any explanation or attempt I mad at explaining asexuality and aromantic. Their immediate response to anything I had to say or explain was simply, "Nah, I don't think so."

Him reacting to the girl he was in love with that way is endemic of romantic problems as a whole, as my sister Miriam has brought up multiple times, where clearly stating she has no interest in dating them only makes them think they have to try harder. They make up an idea of how this relationship will play out and instead of listening to the other person, they continue their pursuit based on whatever story they've concocted for the two of them in their head.

I'm complaining about the fact that the guy did not take into account what the girl clearly outlined what she wanted from him, which was only friendship, and instead made his own assumptions, which was that she did want a romantic relationship after stating, from the beginning, she had no interest in such a thing, then yes, I do have a problem. As stated by the last line of my author's comment, it's not about the miscommunication, it's about the refusal to listen.

This isn't a fucking matter of asexuals versus sexuals. This is a matter of people not listening a minority group. This applies to any sort of minority group, race, class, etc. The problem here is when rather than listening to outlier interests or wants or desires or needs, people make assumptions.

The problem here is willful ignorance.

As for the nature of the comic, I have limited space and don't really have time to make a complete accurate retelling of the two hour talk I had with the guy or the nuances of my reactions, but if you want to interpret it as me freaking out on the man feel free to assume that.

After hearing about people I know constantly getting harassed to start a relationship after clearly telling the other person they had no interest, it's hard for me to not get mad about it. I've seen the stress it causes them and people that don't know when to stop deserve to be taken down a peg.
@embeddedMatrix: She clearly fucking said she was aromantic/asexual! I asked him several times to make sure. The most amazing part is usually when people tell you stories it's biased and you have the wrong impression of the person they're complaining about. Despite only seeing his side, I still managed to sympathize very strongly for the girl and was about to ask him if I could hang out with her instead 'cause what the fuck.

That was the first thing she said to him! She clearly outlined what she wanted to avoid this shit from happening. I'm aromantic, asexual, I just want friends to hang out with. How could you state it any more clearly? How?

Hahahaha. That's a good analogy. But yeah, basically. Fucking christ.

I thankfully have not talked to that guy sense though he seemed keen on starting a friendship. I definitely was not. Apparently me actually yelling at him wasn't enough of a hint.

This guy though. He's the epitome of people in 90s sitcoms that meet a gay person but thinks something can still spark and expresses problem in the gay person or situation rather than themselves.

I tried really hard to be understand of this guy but after this shit about asexuals I just gave the fuck up. There was just no way.

@Tristan232: Haha, really? That's good to know. I tried talking to other people, they always frame their romance in a way that I can understand. Like saying they had things in common or were happy to see each other, that makes sense. But this guy and him talking about how they were one, people said that just seemed obtuse and abstract and they couldn't understand either, haha.

But thanks, that makes me feel better about myself. Every time I watch movies I feel like I never understand the romances until Miriam explains to me it's just poorly written. Sometimes it makes sense to me and then sometimes I'm just extremely confused, haha.

I know, right? That's the thing, I usually try to understand the person's position if they don't understand something about asexuality and then I try to inform them about it. But this guy would not fucking listen to a thing I fucking said. HE JUST SAID NO. That was his immediate response to any explanation I could possibly offer him. Just no. Ok? Do you have an actual retort or explanation for why you disagree or are you just going to keep fucking saying no?

Haha, it's ok. I feel like it's been a long fucking time since I had to deal with this so it was about time. Thanks though.

@incondite: Haha, I had one friend that said to me concerning this story, "I don't... understand how anyone can possibly have a problem with asexuals and aromantics, how could this possibly affect them? How? Even though I'm against it, I can see why they have a problem with gays because of the bible but how asexuals? There's nothing to be mad about!"

Then I told him about this extremely Christian friend of mine that told me she didn't approve of my asexuality 'cause God made us to procreate. He was also amazed.

Then I brought up how people sometimes get offended if you don't drink alcohol when they do 'cause they somehow take it personally. Like you're judging them or something akin to that. It just goes with people taking everything fucking personally, like being against gay marriage. Despite the fact that these gay people are thousands of miles away getting married and they will possibly never interact, it's somehow still personal. Or like when people get mad that a show they like gets popular and suddenly they don't like it anymore, people just take shit personally when really they're just being selfish shits.

I'm sorry you're not the only person on Earth and have to learn to deal with people. It must be so tough on your fragile sense of self and being.

You told your high school friends you were asexual? That's impressive, I just gave up on my high school friends and ditched them, haha. Yes, holy shit! I had friends that did that fucking hypothetical scenario too and for some reason when I expressed discomfort they'd get offended. Me being asexual isn't fucking trying to repress your sexuality. I'm not a fucking celibate person running around telling you to keep it in your pants, all I'm doing is if you're gonna have sex how about not involve me? Is it the non-participatory part that pisses people off? What the fucking fuck.

Yeah, it definitely does. I get putting a high value on it but I dunno. My friends and I were also talking about how sexual the 70s were as a response and how as a result free sex seems liberal so despite being asexual and not celibate, people might view you as retroactive. Which they actually are by refusing to try to understand us so that's great and now everyone's mad, haha.

Agh. I'm so mad right now.

@brumagem: Haha, I'll be honest. I tried looking up the difference between the two words and I'm still confused. I guess I'm dumb like that.

Ok, I kinda get it now, I think?

Yeah, it's kinda funny that being aseuxal means I get flack on both ends of the spectrum. I get flack from conservative people telling me I need to procreate or that I'm just not normal.

Then I get flack from liberals saying I'm also not normal. So both sides that hate each other could learn something from this and come together to hate me instead of fighting each other.

Maybe I'll learn to be a martyr for the greater good, haha.

Ah. Fuck. I fucking hate dealing with people sometimes.
@Cureal: Indeed. Baby.

Our dad was extremely gentle with the baby. He seemed pretty happy.

@SOABS: Haha, the baby takes most of the credit for the adorableness.

@Wolfdarling: Really? That's a thing? I had no idea. I'm looking forward to three months down the line now.

@Essency: Thanks! Do you all have kids or something? Haha, ah well. I still think he's cute.
I was incredibly furious after talking to this asshole that I went home, ranted to people I knew while actually jumping up and down in a rage.

Fucking Jesus fucking Christ. I'm sorry to all you sexual people all there that I don't fucking get love, especially after talking to this guy, holy shit do I feel like I understand love even less now.

But really, do I have to explain to anyone that there's a difference between asexual and fucking celibacy. Fucking do I have to fucking do this fucking shit again, fucking fuck.

So he also knows this female friend of mine, he saw me interact with her for a total of two hours. I was telling him a story about me and her and his response was, "Aw, she likes you."

"What? No, she doesn't. She's married. With kids."

"No, she definitely likes you."

"Did you... see us? How we were friends?"

"No, I know, you're asexual so you don't know."

FUCKING FUCK YOU. How fucking up your own ass do you have to be?! How could you possibly think a girl who fucking tells you fucking straight up that she doesn't get romance and that she's aromantic and asexual that she's fucking into you?

He spent the entire time telling me everything wrong about asexuality and every time I told him he was fucking wrong on anything he just went, "No. That's not true."

Hey, you know asexuals aren't repressed, right? Some asexuals don't have sex drives? That the ones that like masturbating or watching porn doesn't mean they're repressed, that that's just the extent of their sexualness?

"No, I don't think so. They just seem repressed."

What the huge gigantic fucking shit fuck shit is fucking wrong with you that a fucking asexual fucking person that hasn't had sex in his 37 years of existence that you don't believe?! How do you just not listen to people and just assume fucking things on your own and then live your life like that?! How is that even fucking possible to be that willfully ignorant?! HOW. I'm so mad I'm typing in all caps like Miriam. I'm fucking so fucking mad.


Everyone, just fucking listen to people. Don’t fucking assume you fuck. Fucking listen Jesus fucking Christ fuck.
@yaoi4evandnevayuri: Haha, yeah, I'll just get them back, no problem.

@Reealt: Oh, well, I guess you know that baby's already here. Haha.

@SOABS: Yep.

@roxjey: I wish them the best too.