EbenezerSplooge
  • Real Name
    Ebenezer
  • Age
    46
  • Gender
    Male
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Today There Be Pirates!
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Sam the Man: I've got that wench's melons to the back of me... And the queen's in front of me. I ought to just run away and become a pirate!
Pork Smelly: Uh oh, I don't like where this is heading...
Jeebes: Er.. Sir? I'm sure a life of piracy is a good choice. Talking like a pirate day is all fun and laughs, but I'm fairly certain the queen will have you keel hauled or worse and I doubt it would be worth it in the end.
Sam the Man: Well shiver me timbers! The Queen's keel hauling doesn't scare me! Piracy it is! Let's make way for death and adventure!
Pork Smelly: I knew it. Now where heading AWAY from the food. Stop him, little fella, My stomach can't survive much longer...
Jeebes: Great. Diseases and gallows ahead... At least I know how to swim.
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Arrr, stand fast a new update in celebration of Talk like a Pirate Day I also uploaded Talk Like A Pirate Comics today for: Pirate Booty and PronQueens.
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Mammela the Melon Vendor: Wow, they actually turned down my melons, didn’t even ask to see them...
Sam the Man: She’s still back there isn’t she?
Pork Smelly: Yep, and so are her melons... Look, we can go back, I’ll even share my time with the melons with you...
Sam the Man: And I’ll be she’s still got those melons pointed right at me...
Mammela the Melon Vendor: HEY! I’ll bet you’re not in to fruit! My brother sells meat sticks, his meat stick is REAL popular!
Pork Smelly: MMMM.. Meat sticks...
Jeebes: Actually, sir. I don’t think there’s anywhere you can be where her melons aren’t pointed right at you, like one of those trick paintings...
Sam the Man: Like one of those “magic pictures” you have to squint to see the 3d image?
Jeebes: Like one of those “magic pictures” you have to squint to see the 3d image?
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Mmmmm, meat sticks. Slide on to a Thick Jim. And those "magic pictures," I have NEVER been able to see the hidden images.
No Milk For You!
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Mammela the Melon Vendor: They're big, round and full of juice!
Pork Smelly: That sounds, rather refreshing...
Sam the Man: Oh, Hael no! I’ve been around this world long enough to know where this is heading! This is the same thing that got me into trouble with the Queen in the first place! I’m outta here!
Pork Smelly: But... but... maybe it’s good trouble? I mean maybe it was only trouble because you’re lactose intolerable?
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It is the world of Pron.
UPDATE: I got called in to work this weekend and wasn't able to get the comic done. But, I get Friday off so there will be one next Sunday.
Is That A Cheesecake Vendor?
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Sam the Man: Alright, this is the main road to FUCKINGHAM, there are usually some vendors along the way so let's look for something to eat.
Jeebes: Anything in particular that you're hungry for, Mr. Smelly?
Pork Smelly: According to my stomach, FOOD. Anything will do, baked goods, meat dishes...
Mammela the Melon Vendor: HEY! You guys interested in my melons?!
Pork Smelly: dairy products.
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It is the world of Pron.
Too Many Tentacles
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Sam the Man: Actually I feel a little guilty. I've never had this much money before, although half of it is yours.
<sJeebes: Why guilty? He agreed to the 1ooo gold each, so he obviously felt he would make a profit at that price and the ORIGINAL ten he offered you was only 1% of that.
Sam the Man: True. I guess we should get something to eat, right Smelly?
Pork Smelly: Err, let's get something in the next town, I'd rather not eat in this one now.
<sJeebes: Just because he said he supplied all the businesses in town? You don’t have to order anything with tentacle in it.
Pork Smelly: Just because I don't order it, doesn't mean one of them tentacles won't find a way into it on its own...
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Too Many Tentacles Spoil The Broth.
Negotiation Skills.
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Vordock: Ah, you're back. Did you collect the Fairy Jizz?
Sam the Man: I have SOME fairy jizz, how much did you want, it didn't show up while I was collecting...
Vordock: It won't, this is an “under the table” quest. I'll pay you 100 gold if you collect ten.
Sam the Man: That's a relief, I've got enough to turn in then.
Vordock: But do you have any extras, I'll be willing to buy them at half the rate...
Jeebes: He's on his way to Fuckingham, and we have word of a buyer there who wants the extras...
Vordock: Absolutely not!! I mean, why waste your time. I’ll buy them for double the rate. After you've turned in the ten...
Jeebes: One hundred times the rate, or it's worth the walking time to Fuckingham.
Vordock: Fine one hundred times the rate, but you have to sell me Every single one, no holding out to sell in Fuckingham.
Jeebes: I... Thought you would counter offer, didn't expect you to take that rate. Oh well, it's a deal, how many more do you have, sir. After you turn in the ten?
Sam the Man: Minus the ten? I'll have six hundred and seventy two. Err, mister are you okay, your eye's twitching and you seem to be making a choking sound...
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Mark Cuban eat your heart out.
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Jeebes: I suggest you turn in the quest and not inform him if you have any extra jizz, Sir. He may offer you an additional quest for more items and you may have enough on hand to complete it...
Sam the Man: Sure thing, sounds like a good plannn.. Is that a tentacle in her jar?
Jeebes: When you told me the name of the store was Vordock's Unscrupulous Unmentionables I just assumed it sold underwear, panties, bras and such...
Jeebes: Looks like at some point they expanded into sex toys.
Sam the Man: Yeah, they’ve expanded into selling a lot of weird things...
Pork Smelly: Look, I know we still have to grab something to eat, but lets grab it someplace other than here.
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Vauna Dewme and the tentacle in a jar continue their story of her friendly little tentacle (NSFW).
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Jeebes: So where is your quest turn in?
Sam the Man: An unmarked shop called Vordock's Unscrupulous Unmentionables.
Jeebes: And you have everything for the turn in?
Sam the Man: I think so, I was supposed to collect Fairy jizz but I'm not sure how many, he forgot to mention that.
Pork Smelly: Son of a...
Sam the Man: What's wrong, Smelly? I've got tons of the fairy jizz, I should have enough.
Jeebes: What an appropriate name...
Pork Smelly: I just realized we forgot to get something to eat...
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Something VERY important. Vordock's is also where Vauna Dewme picks up her Cutting of Cthulhu (NSFW).
Sprinkles are for winners.
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Jeebes: I AM NOT A LAWYER!
Sam the Man: Okay, okay, but you still seem to be well spoken and full of good ideas.
Jeebes: Well, perhaps, but those are not traits exclusive to lawyers.
Sam the Man: I’ll tell you what, come with us and help get me off the hook with the queen... with out the loss of any body parts... and I’ll split all my earnings and rewards with you fifty-fifty, including the reward from my current quest turn in!
Jeebes: Very well, then, sir. My name is Jeebes.
Sam the Man: AWESOME! My name Is Sam, I’ve never had a butler before!
Nodz the Bartender: Aww, you each made a new friend. But don’t expect any sprinkles, sprinkles are for winners...
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"Let's get you an ice cream, but no sprinkles, sprinkles are for winners."
Better Call Jeebes.
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Sam the Man: That tears it! I’m not going back! Not when my private parts are likely to be BEHEADED!
Nodz the Bartender: I don’t blame you, but the queen’s got a LONG reach.
Pork Smelly: Look, we don’t know that’s what she meant, and let’s face it, the queen is definitely pro-cock.
Nodz the Bartender: Yeah, she is that. You just need to talk your way off of her bad side, and into her bed side...
Sam the Man: I've tried talking my way out of it, Getting on her BED side’s what got me into this mess!
Nodz the Bartender: AHA! You need a fast talker to talk your way out of things! And Jeebes, here has all kinds of experience with that, he’d be just the person to deal with your queen problems!
Jeebes: Wait... What?
Sam the Man: OMG?! You’re a lawyer! Please, mister, you've gotta help me, I don’t want to be beheaded I've gotten kind of attached to that body part over the years...
Jeebes: Look, I’m not a lawyer. I’m a butler, impersonating a lawyer’s more than likely a criminal offense...
Pork Smelly: He’s gotta be a lawyer, he’s using big words with multiple Sillia bulls and stuff.
Where's Amnesty International when you need them? That's got to be a war crime.
Let's just say, the "Ogre Incident" had something do to with the phrase, "on the rocks."
Not sure if I'll be able to keep up with all my comics, work is starting to get a bit more hectic.
I was unaware ogres needed lunch money, I just assumed they ate whatever was handy.
Hey! If people comment then I know someone's reading it! :p
Wow, another page. Not sure if I should keep updating as I don't think anyone's reading this comic, though.
May not have any weapons, but the Butler insures there is proper silverware.
@BuddyT: Just for that comment I'll make sure to do another page!
He rolls a "20" and talks his way out of it then fumbles again...