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People don't read this. Which means if you are reading this, you aren't a people! Isn't transitive property fun? Anywho..
I'm just your average, ordinary, run of the mill transgender gal from Alberta. Nothing to see here. I sometimes make poorly drawn web comic for people! Like.. this one! Yay!
Feel free to PM me if you have questions or criticism.
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January 17th, 2018
@Bandana_girl: I have never read the play and have honestly only the very surface understanding. So I can't really draw any important conclusions. I think I picked this one because I literally googled Shakespeare crossdress so I could fit it in to the context of a high school play. And yeah, it has to be Shakespeare because I was ripping off Venus Envy.
If I say something of merit, hey, awesome. If not? My bad! I sorta tried?

So if YOU found something in here to tell us about, I am pretty sure your thoughts and education to the rest of us are going to be far more valuable than anything I have to say. Please share, we would love to hear it!
January 12th, 2018
@bexm80: I have found paypal to have some of the worst security of any internet company, and my account was either being hijacked or stolen on a weekly basis. So unfortunately I do not have paypal, nor any good reason to try to get paypal again.

So here is what you will do to get me the money I deserve. You will instead take said money, you will go to whatever court or fees taking people that have fees, and you will get whatever problem it is holding you back resolved. Be it name problems or paperwork or whatever. Then, you will have a properly working credit card, and be happier. Then if you still feel like giving me anything, you can, but you will also know that you have made me immensely happy already by stepping in to being in the right place in life. I don't need money, I need people to be happy.
@JaxRhapsody: I have my VERY severe doubts that there is little that is good about you. I've never had a negative interaction with you. Unless you are being a great person online and then going in to the real world and lighting kids on fire? Thats usually the opposite of how this works.

If you mean there is a lot about your situation that is not good, then leave Louisville and come to Canada and we will eat garlic shrimp. Doesn't matter what my coworker says, I am perfectly healthy enough to eat shrimp right now. Wonder if they make shrimp pizza. Ok, how about this. Come up for Feb 9th, all my friends will be over and we can make garlic shrimp pizzas. It'll rock. Or suck. Either way, then I can judge you in person if you are good or not.

I utterly hate the term toxic masculinity because of how it has been hijacked and mangled by people who want to use it instead of having a good discussion. It is a real problem. It is one of the first things I addressed in the comic, how it isn't ok to be a girl or show weakness. It is one of the reasons why transwomen tend to die more often than transmen from suicide (here, have a grain of salt the size of a boulder).
@DewOrSomething: There was some goings-on yesterday that prompted me to turn off guest accounts. I apologize for that. There was a longer goings-on over at Drunk Duck that made me turn it on off over there, and now I needed to over here too.

...I don't like being touched. I've been told it is an autism thing. I think it is a body image thing. Whatever. But I appreciate the thought.

I'm doing fine. In 4 hours I get to go home and get very, very drunk, as usual, and things will be even better.
@JaxRhapsody: I do always caution people that it might not get better, but it CAN get better. The difference is, if we die, then we know it cannot get better. So at least go get a slurpee and some jalapeno potato chips in the meantime. Even if you will hate yourself for eating a bunch of fat, well, you were gonna die anyways, you still can now, so why does it matter if you gain a little more before going out? At least you will go out on a full stomach!

I am not sure that we do need to be loved to be able to love others. It has always been in the greatest absence of humanity that I felt the most love for others, because I knew what it was to have nothing and didn't want anyone else to feel that way. That's just my little anecdotal whatever though.

By that token, I certainly hope that Unwelcome can see now that even if they never leave the house, they are not alone. I spent years in the darkness, working night shifts where I didn't have to talk to people, with no friends or family. Yet, I always had total strangers in my online games who would talk to me. Meatspace friends are nice, but "real" friends are the ones who are there when you need them most. Places like this.
I hope Unwelcome wakes up and feels better today and can talk to us more. It surprises me, yet doesn't surprise me, how everyone came together in support without being asked for it.
@UnwelcomeGuest: Its ok, I have this autorefresh thing in firefox that shows me when someone messaged me every 1 minute. I might be a little obsessed with myself?

Remember how I was talking to JaxRhapsody before? I specifically said how smart I was. I used to deny it, but, I am unfortunately a lot smarter than I want to be. Such is the problem with people like you and I, we know our own nihilism. We know how pointless it is to pursue the nothingness that is being alive. So why do we do it? Doesn't make a lot of sense. So why DO you so it? Why do I do it? I work with suicidal mentally ill trans people on a daily basis. What kind of life is that? I should be out solving housing issues or global transit systems or some shit. Doesn't matter though. I do what I do, and while I regret a lot of things, I do not regret this. The people I chose to talk to are worth talking to. Or I wouldn't talk to them.

What makes you think this isn't the longest conversation I've held this week? This year? (and when I say year, I mean 366 calendar days). Talking is usually a waste of time. This hasn't been. It is why I have tried going to therapy and been unable to talk on so many occasions - they don't know me, they don't get me, I am smarter than them, and they can get fucked.

I don't want you to stop spouting off. I want you to keep telling me I am wrong when I am wrong. Never, EVER apologize for saying what is on your mind. EVER. You get me? Half a year ago I left my WoW guild that I founded and ran for 8 years, because people wouldn't support me when I desperately needed it. Looking back, I needed help, I said I needed it, and that isn't on me that they didn't offer it.

You want one more little piece of stupid? When I broke up with the girl I loved, I changed my screen name to 'a stupid bitch' for about four months. I couldn't comprehend what I had done or why. I am not sure if you are calling me a stupid bitch right now or yourself. Either way, it bears a striking resemblance to where I was.

I look forward to talking to you more when you wake up, if you wake up, and if you want to keep taking. I will never forget tonight, or you. Sorry, but you can never be anonymous ever again, because you have people who care about you.
@UnwelcomeGuest: Trolls don't put in anywhere near this kind of effort. You are a good person. Sorry, you would have to try a lot harder to be a troll at this point. Or less hard, however that works.

I got the name from hiking. My friend DG and I were out stomping through the wilderness and I was talking point for all the other people in our party, clearing brush and cobwebs and whatnot. He said my feet were causing the ground to shake. We all laughed, and compared me to an elephant. I said that was accurate, I do step on small villages and accidentally kill people. He said 'That sounds like a villager problem, not yours'.

I'm like, 34. And my heart doesn't work properly. You really think you will outlive me? Lulz :)
@UnwelcomeGuest: I fully apologize, and I speak on behalf of Arts when I say they apologize too, for calling you a troll. We've seen this happen before, and we made an incorrect judgement, and we were WRONG. So we are sorry for that.
@UnwelcomeGuest: There are only two ways out of this for me - you stop responding, or I die. Currently, I am not going to die, thought what you've brought up tonight has made me open the cabinet and check how many pills I have left. I have too much to live for right now. That will probably change in the future. That isn't right now.

Looking back at the last 10 years of my life, I said exactly what you said. That there is no future, just regret. Strange thing is, I was engaged at the time. The only person I could ever love. I had to leave her to become me. I regret it every day. I do as best I can to make the decision worth it. Had I stayed with her, I would be dead by now, guaranteed. Now, I live in a future where I run a multi-million dollar intercontinental software company. I employ about 40% LGBT people with mental health issues. I sing openly. I hate myself, but I also love myself. I should never have been. That is ok. Because I am. And until further notice, I will be.

It doesn't matter what other people think. What matters is what you think. If nothing else, with how much disgust you feel at yourself, you are literally one of the most literate people I have talked to. I don't say that with any level of compliment either, I mean it fully. I spend my life talking to morons who aren't worth my time. I hate them because they refuse to learn simple words and typing ability. Seriously, how hard is it to be cogent? Fuck those people. I would WAY rather talk to YOU than the people who assault me with 'u' and 'r' as words. Disgusting? Maybe. Not to me. As if anything I say should have any bearing on your life.

Yeah, you could go off yourself. I did it twice. As in, my heart came to a full stop, twice. And unfortunately, the thoughts didn't dissipate. They will probably always be there. Like Lexi with her body image issues, and Annie with her being trans, and Vic with potentially raping that girl, and with me and killing that person with my words. We all have to live with shit that won't go away. That doesn't make it something to disregard. It makes it something we can grow from. To learn, and engage, and be better. I did kill myself, like Annie did. Doing it again doesn't seem to do anything better. So maybe it is time to look forward?

I am drunk the second I get home from work until the second I go to bed. I find it hard to cope, same as you. I cannot in any way say that I understand your life, and I won't pretend to. My life experiences with suicidal depression and depersonalization are not yours. Which is why if you do die, I will take it very hard, but I am doing my best to say I did all I could. Is it ever going to be enough? No. So far, I have kept you talking to me for nearly 3 hours longer than maybe you would have otherwise.

Everyone is dirt. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. But then again, we are also all stardust. We are a series of fucked up chemicals with a deterministic psychology built on decisions from long before we ever made a choice of our own. What does that matter? If you make it through tonight, and you go out tomorrow and say something nice to someone, and they say something nice to someone because they feel better, isn't that what matters? To me, it is. Yeah, being trans is fucked up as fuck. I fight with my own brain constantly because I cannot cope with it. But I never fight with being a good person.

If you can take anything from the comic BOC, there is no shame in continuing to talk. Never, ever be ashamed for being who you are, or asking for help, or even failing to get help and someone else helping you. You are not making a fool of yourself. That is strictly impossible in this situation.

I will keep being here. I hope you will be too. You already have someone else in the comments whose mind you've changed. You think I make a persuasive argument? YOU are the reason why people respond, not me.
@MediocreArts: My friends call me the Anniephant. Because I am an elephant who never forgets. And also, because I am really big and crush villages under my feet, like an elephant. And now because I can interpret things that nobody else can remotely figure out in my position at my job, which makes me a heirophant of some kind. I drink to forget, but it doesn't work. Not that I would want to forget you. You are one of the good things in my life that matters.

Unwelcome's response makes me feel like a total ass. I assumed they were trolling, like you asserted. We seem to be wrong. We as humans do get biased. We did the best with the information presented, how much more can we do? I try to listen now instead of simply state things, and this is exactly why. So lets not be hurt, and instead grow. I know I intend to.

Never be too forgiving. Oscar Wilde said it;
“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
― Oscar Wilde
At worst, we let it go in our own minds. At best, we have a good conversation with someone. I forgive everyone who has wronged me, and I mean it fully, so long as they can forgive themselves knowing what they did to another.

May all our days get better and brighter. Thank you for being with me since the start. I hope you will be there at the end too.
@UnwelcomeGuest: Well howdy Unwelcome! You are very welcome! I do indeed have the ability to ban people if I need to. I for one welcome discussion though. It is the only way that we as a people can learn. If I am wrong, I want to know WHY I am wrong. If I am right, the only way I can know is if that thought it tested.

I have deleted about 2 or 3 comments in the history of this 1800 page comic. I think they were just spam messages, not trolls. So unless I am given reason to, I do not wish to. The entire point of this series is to test the ideas of why we hate ourselves and why society hates us.

You say you are a disgusting wanna-be trans-fat chick. Thats what I was in high school. Well, ok, I was just a fat white guy with a shaved head who everyone thought I was a nazi. I was angry all the time. I was 260lb. I dropped out of college because I couldn't handle it any more. I tried to kill myself several times.
I lost 70 lb and transitioned and, in spite of it all, I am not happy. I wish I was, but, I am mentally ill. Rapid cycling bipolar type 2. Depersonalization that cannot be medically treated. For all intents, I should be very severely dead. I have been where you are. Not schizoaffective, and I cannot pretend like I understand that. I can however tell you that I have spent enough time with people with schizoaffective disorder to have a secondhand understanding of it to a degree that perhaps others cannot.

For me pissing you off, I am both apologizing and not apologizing for it. On the one hand, yes, I spout a lot of bullshit that is based on my own experience and understanding and could be VERY VERY WRONG. There is a conversation thread on an earlier post about exactly that, where I was telling JaxRhapsody that I am in no way to be taken as a therapist. I literally killed someone with my bad advice. If I piss you off, I don't want to you lurk, I want you to TELL ME I AM WRONG.

Your point about me being disgusting, and by extension you, I have that conversation in my head every time I contemplate death at my own hands. Yes, I save a life every month or two, by some tranny who would otherwise off themselves. Is that actually a good thing? Am I doing a good thing by making someone live when their lives are going to be plagued by the shit I deal with in this comic? I don't have that answer. I honestly don't. Every day, I wish I had died instead of lived. I wish I died on that operating table. I've proven surprisingly resilient to death. If there is a god, and I doing the lords work? I don't have these answers. If I did, then I could do a lot better than I do. Am I disgusting? Yes, I am a freak made of a hacked-apart penis shoved inside me with a healthy dose of hormones taken from fucking horse urine. Does that make me a bad person? No. My actions do. And my actions are good. I can live with being disgusting, if I can be a good person in the meantime.

Before I get in to the rest, I want to tell you that I appreciate that you registered and commented again. That shows an incredible strength of character. If you are actually suicidal, please call me. I am in Canada so it will likely be long distance, but if you have a gmail you can make a free call. 778-833-3428. I won't convince you to live, but I will listen.

My illogical thoughts that I share and spew are indeed half understood. I do the best I can with the tools I have available. I get it wrong, and I know I get it wrong. Like when.. uh.. that person whose name was mostly made of numbers made me print a retraction of the incident of transgenderism. I don't know shit. I know I don't know shit. I do as best I can with what I have. If the people reading it question me, they SHOULD question me. You questioned me, and I responded because it matters to me. You matter to me. The things I am wrong about need to be corrected. Maybe I wouldn't have killed that person if I hadn't fucked up 8 years ago.

I do worry that you are inebriated right now. Your original post was well written and you are now making typos. If you are in a dangerous situation, please reach out to someone. Myself, someone close to you, any remaining family you have, it doesn't matter. Aug 2016, I took all the serequol I had and all the alcohol I had and stopped my heart again. I am an atheist, but I hope the term "I pray that you are not doing that" means something.

I am very sorry that I compared you to that person on the Duck website. You are well spoken, and that is why I thought you were the same person. I respect them immensely, even if we disagree and they lost focus.

Is being transgender a well of filth? In my opinion, yes. It is a genetic anomaly and we are a dead end. Does that mean we can't do good in the meantime? No. And remember, trans people don't make trans people, straight cis-hets do. We support ourselves as best we can in the meantime while awaiting our deaths. I agree with you, and yet, I write a web comic that says the exact opposite. There is a very strong dissonance from what I write and what I feel.

Thank you for registering and replying. I have an autorefresh turned on so I can see replies as you make them. Please know that we all make mistakes. We all have things that make us terrible people. That doesn't mean we deserve death. It doesn't make us bad. It means that we make mistakes. If yours are bad enough that you need to die, that takes an incredible amount of strength. I would prefer you live, because people who can express themselves as well as you should be leading our world, instead of the politicians in charge.

Please, love yourself. We do. I do.

EDIT: You deleted your followup post where it said kill me. I am worried. Please reach out if you need me. I will listen. Make it a collect call if you need to. If you hate me, that is fine, I will let you talk to other people I know. I am not here to judge someone in the same situation that I am in.
@MediocreArts: Did you know that the Chinese use the same word for 'crisis' as they do for 'opportunity'? Homer: Yes! Crisi-tunity!

It is funny, this person wants to hurt us, or maybe just me, and it will have exactly the opposite effect. You've been with me from the start, like Ponytails. Now I will have subs who have been with me from the start and haven't subbed, which will make me go to the front page. It is the reciprocal of what this person wants.
I'm not an Oscar Wilde fan in general, but this is a quote to live by;

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
― Oscar Wilde

And I do forgive this person. I was a jerk when I was young. I grew. I honestly hope they do the same. I've met a lot of people who made very serious mistakes in their lives, and they decided to make things better. Maybe this person will look back 10 years from now and realize, hey, I dun borked it. And they will make everything better. That's worth forgiving them for.

Thanks for always being there for me btw. You don't comment often, but you are one of the first in those early years. It might seem like nothing to sub to a comic, but it meant everything to keeping this mentally ill person going.
@Guest: I hope you can find a peace in your life, and can grow from the hurtful things you might say. I have made such mistakes myself, and allowed myself to become a better, more caring person in the process.

You might very much be right. Anything allegorical such as these characters are indeed delusional. They were in fact born from my daydreams of writing a story where I get to help people. And I am indeed an Ex-Man-Monster, in that I have chromosomes of a male and the skeletal structure of a male. As much as I can change my primary and sexual characteristics, my history is unchanged. I assume you mean it in an insulting way though, in which case, you are the primary reason as to why I write this story - so that your line of thinking doesn't hurt people. Annie was born male, and will always have certain male aspects from a strictly biological point of view. How we as a people view ourselves and those around us, especially when it comes to trans issues, can be adjusted.

I am not sure if you mean if I, the author, should be euthanized or trans people in general. If you mean trans people in general, then you are in serious need of mental health treatment of your own. The advocation of the death of a people is a sign of an unbalanced state. If you mean me alone, then I do not necessarily disagree. It is why I have tried to kill myself several times. I have had a very hard life and I have indeed given extremely poor advise that caused the death of at least one person. Does this mean I deserve capital punishment? Possibly.

Now, if you mean that I am supporting people with gender dysphoria, and this is wrong because trans people are mentally ill? I believe fully that being transgender is indeed a mental illness, in that the brain and body are not congruent. It is a diagnosable condition. Until such time as we have a system to change the mind, as we do with countless other mental illnesses, we will instead treat the symptoms of the body. It is why removing transgenderism from the DSM-V is one of the worst things I can think of. It means that mentally ill people who should qualify for treatment no longer can because it is no longer diagnosable. I take premise with this.

I do wonder what you think my average audience age is when you say they are young adults. Where are you drawing your data? Do you have access to google analytics that I don't? I would LOVE to have them! My understanding is that my average audience is 30+. So I would have to disagree with your statement and correct you - "I don't belong in society and should be euthanized or shut away from the world so I can't spread my half baked thoughts to impressionable mentally ill ADULTS".

As for your being a sad waste of life and projecting, I do not have enough information. I would say that if you feel it important to say what you believe to be hurtful things, then in my perspective, yes, that is sad. I would rather live a life of hope and trying to spread happiness to others. If however being a sad waste makes you happy, and not sad, then you may be sadistic and find joy of your own in it. Like I said, I do not have enough information to judge you. Nor would I, because this is your life and not mine.

I have had a great day! Got a lot done at my job, got a few pages of the comic done in photoshop, and am currently eating a chocolate bar. Soon I get to motorcycle home to my house where I live with my boyfriend and drink alcohol to relax for the evening. I intend to play video games and eat pizza. For all intents, my life is basically perfect. Short of having an accident of some kind, I would have to say that I intend to continue having my good day!

Thank you for contributing and putting this all in perspective. I hope that others will read your comment, and my response, and put it all in context. Indeed, I will even be posting it to facebook, because your comment is exactly why I write this comic in general. Isn't it ironic that people like you are actually why people like me can continue to exist?

On a serious note: Unfortunately, I believe that you are likely the same person who has been attacking the posting on my other page. Since I disabled the guest posting functionality there, you appear to have gone away. So I will disable it here as well. The nice thing is, when I did that on the other page, more people got real accounts to subscribe and post. I believe that your attempt to troll me here will have a similar effect. So thank you for that!
@CuteDress&TwinPonytails: She wasn't self righteous. She was righteous. She thought she was doing what God wanted.

We can be as angry as we want at religion, but Penn Gilette said it best. There are people out there who honestly want to save me from eternal torment. How can I be angry at that? I think they are wrong, but they only want what is best for me.

Remember that whenever a religious person who honestly believes what they are saying hurts you.

And yeah, no, pretty sure Deb and Julie will NEVER see eye to eye on the motherhood thing.
Sorta seems like that last message probably wasn't intended to be forwarded?



If you like math, you need to check out my latest post.
What, you thought that entire thing yesterday was some metaphor or another? It was. Then today it was real. Strange how that happens. Should be pretty easy to write down a name, right?
Yo dawg, I heard you like factoring factors so I put some factors in your factors so you can factor while you factor.

What exactly happened with Bree and Dallas? I am not sure it actually gets explained at any point any better than this.


Fuck this chapter. Here is my patreon anyways.
There is a fine line between Flint molesting Cindi (or something to that effect) and being a good supportive friend that is not outside of their range of what a good friend should do. I believe that Flint is doing the right thing, but I could get how people think he should have walked away as soon as Cindi said no. So I don't need to hear anything about how I am making it seem like some rape apologist thing or something. You know, when I started this comic, I never thought I would have to say something like that, because my readers tend to be logical, intelligence human beings who don't need it spelled out. That isn't the world we live in any more though. Now, what Flint is doing, could be considered a form of sexual violence. Ignore that fact that real rape is happening and calling this rape is utterly trivializing to what happens to people on a daily basis. Because it is much fucking easier to call Flint a nazi or something because he is a white male than actually talk about the issues. Or to make him look like the bad guy even when literally he is doing everything right because of course men are at fault for everything. We sure as fuck can't talk about religion being a corrupting influence, right? But its ok, I CAN talk about it, because I rank pretty fucking high on the oppression Olympics scale, which means nothing because I would just be some white person anyways. Doesn't matter the content of my words or actions so long as I can be reduced to nothing more than a set of attributes, right? Ignore that the entire SJW movement seems to have it out that we are not PEOPLE and instead reductionist singular attributes that define us and it goes entirely in the face of everything I try to do here! Just ignore it! Because all that matters is that Annie is trans! Not the content of her character! And that Lexi is black! Not the content of HER character! It is SO much easier to ignore REAL issues and just be assholes to each other instead of having a real conversation! Look! Look how Flint called Oscar a HE without asking his pronouns! THAT is what we should be talking about! FUCKING IGNORE THE REAL ISSUES! LETS FOCUS ON THAT!