Now what? It's your call...
You decide to charge at the fearsome WINDMILL. You burst triumphantly through the door, but mid-kung fu kick, you realize something's up. The floor is missing. Odd. At this moment, gravity taps you on the shoulder to remind you that it's still there, causing you to plummet to the bottom of the infernal structure. When you come to, you are surrounded by planks of wood, all mysteriously broken apart, like they've recently been gnawed upon.
You leave the WELCOME CENTER, inspired by your newfound quest. You look over the WINDMILL FLOOR PLAN that you managed to sneak out underneath that cashier's nose.
You hide behind the counter so that the CASHIER can't see you, as you let Vance engage him in conversation.
That thick-looking smog looks rather nice from a distance. You take a big whiff of it- and nearly gag. Good Lord, what's in this stuff?! Gasping for air, you retreat into the VISITOR'S CENTER. A fan lazily buzzes overhead as the teenage CASHIER stares into space amongst the various TCHOTCHKES.
You quickly realize that the shapes correspond to the shapes of the island on your map. Setting off on your epic quest, you decide that your first stop will be the WINDMILL ISLAND.

As you pull into port, you are greeted by a humble-looking VISITOR'S CENTER. Overhead, you can see the iconic WINDMILL, which is strangely still. On the other side of the cliff, you hear a bustling TOWN as well as the ENERGON BUILDING churning out what looks like some rather thick-looking smog.
You decide to run. The island quakes under your booties as the MOUNTAIN rages with fury. You might not want to come back to the island for a while. After returning to your ship, you are joined by NERO's GHOST as you contemplate the recent events of your life. Like those bloody shapes- clearly, they have some significance, but to what?
In the meantime, you decide to take out your latent frustration on the far-off SMILING MOUNTAIN.

...That can't be good.
You try various button combinations, in an attempt to solve the PUZZLING MONUMENT.
You arrive at Gollywog Island, home of the Gollywog fruit, and location of a rather PUZZLING MONUMENT.
Actually, screw this quest nonsense! Let's get straight to the X! Surely we won't be missing anything, right?
You decide to leave him for now and sail off towards your left thumb, map-wise. You are ready to arrive at the first location on your quest...
The little voices inside your head tell you try to affix VANCE to NERO's head, but you see NERO'S GHOST rise up from his body. It creeps you out just a little bit.
Thinking quickly, you ransack the DEAD NERO's pants for loot. You find FIVE RUPEES, but nothing else. You also decide to pick up the CONTROLLER, for the sake of fulfilling your kleptomania. You equip the bloody thing for later.
Thinking quickly, you ransack the DEAD NERO's pants for loot. You find FIVE RUPEES, but nothing else. You also decide to pick up the CONTROLLER, for the sake of fulfilling your kleptomania.
You stand over your former first mate's body. It slumps forward awkwardly, almost like he's just taking a nap. A nap on the floor with a major dent in his skull and blood dripping on the floor- It's cool, it's cool, nothing to freak out about, no need to freak out...

Uh-oh.
You decide to knock some sense into your first mate. You take aim...
You open the TRAPDOOR.

It leads to below deck, where your first mate NERO has been hiding amongst your supply of GOLLYWOG FRUIT. He appears to be immersed in one of his fancy-shmancy VIDEO GAMES, and doesn't look like he's had any sleep for the last three days.