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Like all of Stilez's previous opponents, the poor, doomed Macaroni never really stood a chance of winning.

The Unanswerable Question
Good luck guys in getting an answer to your "How old is she?" question. As if FOT characters actually had ages.
...and then Layla and Ram Quatzi decided to hold a convention for convicted con-artists, only to be disappointed when they discovered that somebody had already trademarked the "ConConCon" name many years earlier. (Apparently it was that guy they met at the Christmas party a few years back)
And Principal Baby is offended because, as if getting third billing on his own TV show wasn't bad enough, now you forgot how to spell his name :)

At this rate he's going to end up back in rehab again.
The only fair way to settle this is to solicit the opinion of the Recognized Intergalactic Final Expert Authority on Cute Boys: Jenna Hector. (I'm thinking Trigger's going to win that one)

Plus, nearly everyone else is already aboard this ship, we might as well invite the Hectors also.
@Darius @incentive - the hologram screen refuses to display her name. even mention of it is considered an ill omen. she is....
The Cat Who Must Not Be Named

(which, of course, is why you did not name her either, i assume) :)
True story: When I first scrolled down and saw Blitz's response above I misread it as 'Layla: "It's only evil if it's not me!"'

Which is also a plausible assertion for Layla. :)
Alphonse, though you can only see a bit of his face, definitely looks like he would rather be anywhere else in the entire universe other than in the same room with Vengeance. In fact, if he weren't in his Mom's arms right now, he'd probably spontaneously develop the ability to turn completely invisible. Despite the fact that they all seem to share the same fashion sense in ear accessories. So now I want to see the Alphonse Vs. Stilez interaction. I think it would be ironic if, of all the harmless things Alphonse is terrified of, he wasn't scared of Stilez at all. After all, he probably doesn't know Stielz's reputation (Mom isn't going to tell Alphonse horrifying stuff like that) so from his point of view, it's just a big adorable kitten! Or have they already interacted and I've forgotten?
If you're the Cap'n, did time to stop swearing ever actually end?
@Incentive: *Ed8 furiously scribbles notes in "Theories of Tax" notebook*
Totally Normal. Nothing to see here. Move along.
This is my best buddy Trigger! He's a normal kid (who was raised in an underground bunker as a human sabotage machine for a planetary conspiracy) just like you guys (who are richer than entire planets and fly around the galaxy fighting supervillains), and we've been friends our whole lives! (because my family was holding him captive underground) That PROVES I'm okay! (and totally NOT the former leader-in-training of a major crime syndicate)
Happy Kiloversary!!

It really wouldn't feel like an authentic FOT celebration page if it wasn't at least a bit late.

The Vote Incentive appearance by [spoiler] is almost as much of a shocking milestone as the 1000!! Although it's probably just someone watching this on TV.

@Page count - and that's not even counting the magical ear genie comics! [edit: darnit, Seros sniped my comment first!]

**for those not already familiar with it, my comment-title refers to this:
@Blitz: We dodged a bullet there! :)

(though if you had timed this properly 10 years ago, the 1000 strip could have fallen on April 1...who knows what would have happened?!)
Nine. Hundred. Ninety. Nine. :o
Is it too late to start taking bets on what dramatic surprise is in store for us in the first four-digit-numbered-strip?

Tabitha's Mom makes a surprise in-person appearance!

A wild Princess Rheiko appears!

Layla's Dad makes a time-travelling visit from the past!

Jenna and Trigger elope!

Tax is revealed to be Ichabod and Stilez's Love Child!!

The Zombie Kids speak!

Patti and Layla have a touching reunion and she leaves to go back and run the family business!

Frank learns the True Meaning of Christmas!

Avatar gets a paper cut!

Vengeance smiles! (OK, that would actually be really terrifying.)

Ram Quatzi comes out on an empty stage wearing a party hat, holds up a small sheet of paper with the number "1000" written on it, and reveals that he blew the whole celebration budget on some scheme so that's all they had money left for.
I just assumed it was a mean snicker, since it was Layla. If it had been Trigger, for example, I would have automatically assumed it was the nice kind.
@Darius - they might not be in all that much trouble - the Cap'n has previously demonstrated that his mood can be significantly improved via the application of sufficient money:

@Skyscraper Girls - Y'know, I probably would never have noticed it at all if someone hadn't pointed it out before, Layla's ironically placed shirt logo, that is, but having seen it, now I can't not notice it. Particularly since she seems like she's trying to draw our attention to it here. At least you didn't leave the "c" out this time. :)
Tsk, Tsk, Layla. Don't snicker at the rich people. And not just rich, but insanely, mindbogglingly rich. Laughing in their face will just make it harder to fleece them of their money at some point in the future.

Incentive: Ram should know better than to use his own products, which is likely what happened here.
Conveniently not answering the original question of the new kids ages, I see :) :P

(Yeah, I wasn't sure about Megaweapon, because he has the self-control and personality of a bratty toddler who's never been told "no", but the vocabulary, cynicism, and personality otherwise of someone older than his actual age. Also I suspect his dad may have tinkered with his genetics a bit. For the Mad Scientist, there's a fine line between having a kid and receiving a free experimental subject.)
OK, I'm not going to ask for their exact ages, since we all know that people in the FOT Universe don't have exact ages, but can you give us their approximate relative age compared to the other characters (I'm guessing all 4 are about the same age as each other)

For reference, I'm thinking the order of ages of the current main cast is:

Avatar (actual age)
Stilez ?? (apparent age)
Avatar (apparent age)
Tax (apparent age)
Zombie kids (apparent age)

*Vengeance - age unknowable
*Blip - artificial, so does not have an age
Merry Christmas and Happy Finally-Done-With-25-Daily-Strips-So-Blitz-Can-