Actually I was born in 1875, but the dates don't scroll back that far. Yes let's hear it: You look good for your age.
I have hobbies and tastes in food that are too strange to be discussed here.
I bring bad luck to people if they don't pet my head! (It's a fact!) If you went too long without petting my head, it would become very likely that you would be killed by a falling piano. It doesn't matter if you don't live near any tall buildings.
My occupation is startlingly normal.
My room is startlingly---well,you wouldn't want to be there if you didn't have to be.
My wives are startlingly awesome, but the shock wears off after a few decades I've been told.
I am startlingly good at weasling out of tight situations. Like writing scripts or avoiding getting shanked by my ex-roomate's clients. (The only thing worse than a mafia with a monopoly is a druggie/student/insomniac/idiot with access to o.chem labs and too much spare time.)
Also--It's hump day! Do your day a favor and hump something! Humop a man! Hump a cat! Hump a burger fried in fat!
Aye.