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October 2nd, 2017
Gift of Flight?
I think it is interesting that Rogio brings up the "gift of flight" just randomly. We see in his dream night beast form wings. Makes me wonder if perhaps Rogio at one time might have asked for wings...hmmm. Just thought that random tidbit was interesting.
October 2nd, 2017
Thanks you just reminded me of the part where Ferah warned Roamer about the water. The "Pure of heart" are blessed and those with evil intentions are made ill.

Perhaps this is what Rogio is thinking? He fears he might be made ill?
September 30th, 2017
Vale of Sumar?
Is that really the Vale of Sumar they are near or Roamer just thinks they are near? (map has then near the Treacherous Swamp at the time I checked.)
September 23rd, 2017
So rather than kill immediately, looks like the Ghoul infects its victims with a disease that slowly kills them?
Rogio does have a more sinister look going here compared to previous pages...hmmm interesting.
September 10th, 2017
I'm liking the plot progress in these pages and the ones from last week too.

Now I'm waiting to see what happens with Rogio out loose with Roamer and Rogio returning to the territory to face Ronja.
July 4th, 2017
That is a good option.
I was thinking along the lines of panel 5 being:
"I'm glad you realize you have the strength and don't need that *insert whatever word* spirit. He's a creepy one, isn't he?" (this makes the smile work as a laugh.)

Then the next line, like you suggested. "Well enough about our past mistakes. We better find my family. I don't know where they are on this....I don't want to be alone anymore. Would you like to come along and help me find them?"

Aira: "Sure? Really?"
"Yes really. I have a feeling we are in for quite an adventure and we will learn a lot from it together"

These would be simple edits that don't require changing the artwork, but really keep the characters close to their personalities.
July 4th, 2017
Most of the page was good. Just parts were too soon.
I have no issues with Kierr rescuing Aira and not wanting to leave her alone. This is well within his character. I also like that he feels regret over leaving Aira, not because he made a mistake, but rather because he is being hard on himself.

I can see Kierr being the kind to take responsibility and blame himself for stuff even if he did nothing wrong.

Right now in the plot I can see Kierr not wanting to leave Aira out of feeling a sense of duty vs. friendship. He might be starting to like her as a friend. He's glad she apologized for forcing herself on him. Those are all good things in the scene. But for Kierr to be smiling and ready to adopt Aira as family, not quite ready yet. She has to prove herself. It's a start she apologized. He's proud of her for saying she doesn't need the spirit and can find her own strength. Now Kierr wants to see her take action on her words and do it before giving full trust.

At least that is how I read Kierr as a character.
July 4th, 2017
I felt the same way towards Zilas death. It was implied the characters grieved over his loss, but it would make a richer story to see the characters still thinking, bringing up memories, either triggering grief or remembering fondly. I was a bit disappointed, but still hoping for it to come out somehow in the plot. The characters I am most curious to find out is Ronja and the elders. I want to see what their reaction is to being lied to. Ronja I'd like to see her reaction to finding out it was her tribe. It is a bit harder to settle it now that most of the tribe members involved died, but still it would be interesting for her to find out and see how she feels.

As a writer I know too well the excitement to gloss over scenes I feel are less interesting to get to ones I like better. I also struggle with the issue of wanting to rush to get to a scene and follow the plot.

That was until a friend read over some of my rough drafts and said hey, you got to add other stuff too, things that might not be directly plot related but help the audience understand the characters better. This is good advice. I believe it will help with this comic too.

This is what Home really needs. The character references are nice, I enjoy the "Life on Aedra" section and the map, but if you can place some of that background/ comment stuff into the comic, it will go a long way.

For me Aira's struggling with language is a nice touch, but it reads to me more like she is used to speaking a foreign language and just learning a new language vs, losing language altogether and relearning. That is another idea you can play off in this story. Do all dogs speak the same language? Are there barriers to their languages/ cultures? We see the Meteor Tribe's culture. How about the others?

Maybe take some time, have fun with your characters. Draft side stories, and just for whatever. I find these exercises helpful with developing characters and interactions. Maybe it will help you too. Make sure to publish the most interesting ones.
July 4th, 2017
Slow down a little
You're not the only one. I like this page overall. There should be a point when Kierr considers Aira part of "Our family". This is a natural progression of this story arc, but this interaction right now is a bit too soon.

I know we want to see them become best friends, but let's slow it down a little. Have a bit more building and some conflict. Kierr wants to trust Aira, but would understandably be cautious. Having him be wary of Aira and assure first she is not going to go back to the praying stone. I can see him keeping an eye open in his sleep wondering is she going to return to this spot and mentally plan out an exit strategy just in case the worst happens. It will take time and proving for Aira to break that suspicion.

Aira would also be doubtful. Can she trust Kierr? Will he turn on her like other dogs? We know Kierr won't, but does Aira know? I can see her being just as distrustful at first. I can see her mentally keeping the praying stone in the back of her mind as an alternative if things were to go real bad.

Overall this is a nice scene, but too early yet. I know we're excited, but let's slow it down and build up the suspense. The reward to seeing this scene after watching the characters deal with these conflicts will yield a greater payoff.
July 1st, 2017
I totally got it, that Aira has speech difficulties. It's nice to see Aira's side of the story. I expected something like this. They rejected her because she's weak and she got angry and went to the spirit for help and got tricked/ didn't care about the consequences at the time.
June 25th, 2017
Don't beat yourself over it. Like others mentioned it was your first comic. We all have to start somewhere?

Just a hunch, but I get the feeling a lot of Home and your earlier comic would fit well in a written novel format. A lot of background and important details seem to get lost when trying to limit the scene to a few comic pages.