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I continuously change this and then go back to read it to find something stupid.
, 26 Jul 2011 10:33 pm
No keep posting pages. ;-;
, 16 2 09 1:08 pm
Sorry to say, but it's too dark, now.
I think the bright red made the pages more interesting. It was like, "BAM. Blood." and I liked that.
, 20 Jan 2010 08:52 pm
Okay, I agree with the anatomy statement, but your saying of, "I'm not trying to be rude." was an epic fail. There are nicer ways to say people need to work on things rather than telling them it's "atrocious."
Ch 3: p93
, 10 Apr 2009 06:34 pm
You never fail to make me laugh.
Ch 3: p91
, 29 Mar 2009 02:23 am
Lol. You can always depend on Minnesota to have crappy April weather. It'll be 60 degrees out for three days and we all think it's Spring. Then it snows. For the 39527839 time.
Part 2 - page 33
A Song for Elise
, 22 Mar 2009 09:35 pm
I actually like the grammatical errors (and I'm a grammar nazi), it gives the page a little more personality than just having it bland and correct and stiff.
If I was writing my suicide note, or goodbye letter, I sure as hell wouldn't care about grammar or spelling.
Fanart - BlueRoses
, 24 Feb 2009 11:41 pm
Holy Long Comment, Batman!
So, I read through this, and I really like it, but I must comment on your writing.
Don't take this as like, "RAWR YOUR WRITING SUCKS." because it doesn't...at all. I'd just like to make a few suggestions to make it sound a little better? (Not that I know everything. I'm just a writer, too.)
Try showing more instead of telling. Show actions through words instead of telling what happens directly...add more description, I suppose you'd call it. Like, "A smile bled onto her face, a sinister something that would make the craziest of asylum patients jealous." Rather than, "She sinisterly smiled." Or something.
Maybe use a thesaurus once in a while? The word choice isn't poor, or anything, it would just make it sound a little better if a few overly smartical words were thrown in. x3
Your grammar is good. Goodgoodgood.
I think that's it...
(Again, just trying to help. :D )
Best wishes and get better soon, m'dear!
Ch 2 pg 16
, 12 Nov 2008 11:29 pm
In the first three comments, the first two words were "Oh noes!"
NOT THE SCARF.
Intro - 04
, 20 Aug 2008 02:51 pm
I was like, "'Last dinner'? What? OHJEEZ."
Noes! NOT THE KITTTYYY!
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