Real Name: G. Molloy
Gender: Male
Web Site: http://www.nekothekitty.net

My Webcomics

Neko the Kitty
Last Update: 2 Days Ago Fans: 1176 # Comics: 1188

Yellow Sticky

Last Update: 3 Years Ago Fans: 33 # Comics: 501

Recent Comments

Comment on #1188 Chompies of Neko the Kitty
NtKGar, 03 Oct 2015 08:12 pm
@Vlad: Thanks Vlad, good to hear from you again.

Job hunting is horrible, it's having to prove your worth to strangers with your livelihood at stake. It's tough to do when you're wicked insecure, which is why I needed to talk it out with Paige. It's something we do for each other when we need it - I tell her all the nasty corrosive toxic shit I believe about myself, and she tells me that it's stupid.

We're working on my answers to stock interview questions now. Turns out all the accomplishments in my CV are true, but in person I play off doing 218 tasks in a single day on a workflow queue target of 40 tasks per employee per day - a figure arrived at by dividing the average output of the entire team (and was later revised down to 25 when I was loaned out to another unit for a couple of months) - as if that's something any idiot could do if their work was boring enough.

In short I've got to present myself as something worthwhile. While I've got quite a few very marketable skills, that's not one of them. I'm starting to think I might not be cut out for marketing, which is why I'm going for admin roles.
Comment on #1188 Chompies of Neko the Kitty
NtKGar, 03 Oct 2015 06:50 am
@Paige: I love you too, but I need people to know why J

@Bea526: Thanks for stepping forward. I think Lurking is another depression behaviour. I do it myself in actual groups in real life. If everyone's already making most of the points I'd add to a conversation that means I'd add nothing so I stay quiet. Even easier on the internet where you can type out a comment, read through it, then not submit it. I self-censor a lot and that's usually a good thing, but it can be isolating. When I leave without saying goodbye I'm making a fairly insulting assumption about my friends that nobody even notices that I'm gone.

I'm pretty sure depression is one of those social issues that more people should talk about, but it's an issue that silences itself. Depression affects one in four people, and we don't like to talk about it because we worry nobody will understand? On the internet?

One in four people understands this. My own private hell is awfully crowded; did anybody actually say I wasn't allowed talk to the other inmates?

One in four people, Bea. This tribe is enormous. One in four people from every race and social class on the planet can relate to this. It works by making you isolate yourself, but it affects so many people out there it's gotta be something you can connect over. It's common ground.

DO NOT let depression make itself your entire identity, but don't be sorry for the depressing story, it's what we're talking about in this corner of the internet today.

To your story itself, well, your mom is almost certainly fighting her own demons. I don't know exactly what kind of abuse we're talking about, so please don't take a moral imperative to forgive her from this. Trying to work something out isn't the same as trying to explain it away, but if the idea of the person who hurt you being possessed by a demon you know all too well doesn't stir empathy within you, then it's at least good for some schadenfreude* knowing just how vicious that demon can be.

[*Edit, I forgot you can't do text links in ordinary comments so I'll just have to link to the schadenfreude song with the URL https://youtu.be/5isHw02S0Cg ]

Now I've got someone I can't forgive, and who will never apologise, so I know what that is. However it's a well-known truth of human nature that when you feel like crap you behave badly towards others. It's even got a vernacular name - Taking It Out On Someone. If you can't do anything that'll make any impact at all on the person or institution that hurt or is hurting you, you hurt whoever you CAN instead. It's nasty and it's small and if you haven't noticed yourself doing it, Really Look. Understanding why someone's an asshole doesn't magically make them not-an-asshole and doesn't mean you're obligated to spend time with them, but I grew up on Star Trek: The Next Generation and think it's good to seek understanding for its own sake.

Has your mom driven you away to the point that you're not going to be sad when she dies? If so then that's a victory for the demon over both of you.

And from this point on I could write all day just circling that same idea without really getting anywhere, to forgive is to know you can be forgiven. There are quite a few religions on the topic. That really doesn't mean it's easy or even possible all the time.

I'm going to stop here and sign off the same way you did. They're your own words so I hope you'll believe them, they sum up what I'm trying to say perfectly.

Even though I am a random person on the internet, I want you to know that I understand how terrible depression is.
Comment on #1188 Chompies of Neko the Kitty
NtKGar, 02 Oct 2015 05:27 pm
Today's vote incentive doesn't really have anything to do with today's comic, it's just Whitespace Neko talking about a social issue
<img src='http://topwebcomics.com/rankimages/rankimage.aspx?ImageTemplate=dynamiclink2&a mp;SiteID=13974'>

This is the bottom half of the page I uploaded the top half of on Monday. I hit a wall halfway through putting the script in and everything I put in after the that first gag was just shite. I've been up front about the whole depression thing, it can make it hard to write, especially if you're trying to be funny.

That came to a head yesterday when I got some bad news about an interview. I had kind of been counting on getting a callback for this one, so when the rejection email came it read like

Dear Fuckup,

We regret to inform you that you are a failure at life. Despite your experience and qualifications, we feel you deserve to live in poverty and despair forever. We wish you every luck in your miserable worthless little existence, and hope you die a peasant's death.

Kind Regards,
The Only Hiring Manager Who Will Ever Even Consider Looking At You.

Naturally I'm paraphrasing. The interviewer actually gave me some really helpful feedback today, but this is a story about mental illness so I'm talking about what it felt like rather than what actually happened.

I keep telling people my depression's like an emotional eczema. Just a mild irritation, a rash that flares up from time to time. Nothing to worry about. Nothing contagious. For the most part that's actually true, certainly the non-contagious part, but it's a half-truth. There’s an awful lot of pus behind that rash. I’m gonna switch to a less gross metaphor.

Another half-truth is that it's the demon I battle every day, and it's trying to kill me by draining my will to live. It keeps telling me that nothing I have ever done has ever meant anything to anyone, that I could drop dead this instant and the ripple my memory would leave in the lives that I've touched would be gone the day after my funeral. It tells me there'd be eight people at that funeral, seven of whom are immediate family. It tells me all these thing in the voice I hear when I'm thinking to myself, so I think they're my own thoughts and believe them.

Again I can only do half-truths at a time here. I'm not a describing a dissociative state. I don't think there's actually a demon whispering to me. I'm present and it's my own mind thinking, it's just that it's not thinking anything anyone would want to think and I can't make it stop. Demonic possession has been a metaphor for mental illness since before we had a concept of mental illness, and it doesn’t always mean you’re hearing voices that don’t feel like they come from you. Mostly I just deal with it.

So anyway, I get the rejection notice and I just break down crying in front of the computer for about half an hour.

Now I think about my own death quite a lot. I honestly have no idea to what extent that's normal. I had a parent die when I was little so a more-than-usual preoccupation with death is to be expected, and thoughts of my own death are just a natural extension of a that. I know suicidal ideation is a symptom of depression, but normally it's just part of the background noise and nothing to really worry about. Yesterday I discovered how simple it is to make chlorine gas, but couldn't find information on what volumes would be needed to fill a small room to toxic levels without making so much that it floods the whole apartment and kills all your pets.

Coming up with a plan to die with a minimum of fuss that's probably a bad sign. Now I haven't had an actual suicide ATTEMPT in years, but I caught myself at the ‘earnest research’ stage had to go into the kitchen to get away from the computer. More breakdown.

While all this is going down I've been arguing civil liberties on Facebook. Someone made a post about white privilege that just got right up my ass. My point was that harsher realities than my own don't make my reality any more palatable, and I got real pissed off that this couldn't be accepted as a "well duh" observation. I mean REAL pissed off. I don't lose my cool all that often, and I calm down quicker than most, but when I lose my temper I get nasty. As public meltdowns go there have been worse, but I'm called on this almost immediately and am spiralling down into shame and anguish again until Paige comes home.

The worst part about being out of work is what it does to Paige. Her salary with overtime just about stretches to rent and utilities. My welfare payments are enough to cover the groceries and that’s about it. Thanks to me we’re just about skimming the poverty line. I was working full-time when we got engaged, so the life we have now is pretty damn far from what the first season suggested.

I’m so glad I still believe her when she forgives me for that. It’s how I know I’m still capable of love.

Anyway Paige and I have a really good talk, and then put a movie on Neflix and went to bed. Then I get out of bed again because whatever’s been blocking up Neko in my brain appears to have been shaken loose in the enormous shitstorm of October 1st 2015. I stayed up until 10am rewriting the end of the current story into something much more compact and thematically appropriate for the allegory for depression this comic has kind of always been.

And on Monday when Paige goes to work, I’m walking down to the library where I don’t have my computer to distract me and I’m going to start drawing some goddamn comics.
Comment on #1187 Dancin' Claws of Neko the Kitty
NtKGar, 27 Sep 2015 08:18 am
<img src='http://topwebcomics.com/rankimages/rankimage.aspx?ImageTemplate=dynamiclink2&a mp;SiteID=13974'>

Howdy folks, job search has had me stressed out lately and that's influencing my ability to make comics. I've had a couple of good interviews for admin positions in the last week so hopefully I'll hear back from one of those. When I worked for the bank I was actually perfectly happy in my work until they changed managers and the new one started giving out to me for doodling. At this point in time I was doing double or triple the task completion quota every single day (well above anyone else in the unit) with almost no errors, and I was cranking out Yellow Sticky as basically a by-product of working, all while maintaining a regular schedule for Neko the Kitty.

Here's the thing - I got less done and felt less happy at work when they sat me beside a supervisor to force me to stop doodling, and it turns out That's a studied and documented phenomenon. Doodling actuallyhelps memory and concentration, it's the exact opposite of a distraction. I've just provided seven sources to back that up, and if I hadn't been forced to stop I'd probably still be working there to the capacity of three people.

Here's the thing though - without work I have nothing to doodle off of. It's the other side of the pump. Work fuels doodling, doodling makes work interesting. With the whole mechanism functioning properly I can power through office admin work at a fantastic rate and churn out comics almost effortlessly. It's persuading a hiring manager of that that's the problem.

Anyway, for the regulars checking this, I AM still alive. I'm just going through the crisis of personal worth that comes with looking for a job (it's like teenage dating anxiety but with your ability to pay the rent at stake), and that's making the ol' depression flare up so its been hard to make comics. Had an interview last week which I'm pretty optimistic about, but the anxiety of waiting to hear back from an interview is so much worse than that of waiting to hear back from an application.
Comment on Filler: Dancing Angus #1 of Neko the Kitty
NtKGar, 31 Aug 2015 05:26 am
That's because he's cold.
Comment on #020: Arachnognition of Neko the Kitty
NtKGar, 31 Aug 2015 05:26 am
While I do enjoy Friendship is Magic, this is from 2004 :P
Comment on #1186 Neko remains the title character of Neko the Kitty
NtKGar, 28 Aug 2015 09:03 am
We're pushing Whitespace Neko on Tumblr at the moment. It's Neko with his tie and cigarette making snarky observations about life directly to the camera. Panels are stacked vertically so it's easy to read on phones, and it updates every day.

Also I've been having fun on Tumblr sharing gifs and whatnot, so check it out.

I think the main thing I've gotten out of Tumblr is I started watching Steven Universe, which starts out cute and funny and then goes down a tremendous rabbit hole of characterisation and science fiction weirdness as it explores just how truly Alien the alien characters are. There's about 70 episodes so far - most of them are ten minutes long but there are some 20-minute episodes and two-parters, and Paige and I watched them all over the course of a couple of days.
Comment on #211 "47 Minutes into the final boss fight" of Neko the Kitty
NtKGar, 27 Aug 2015 10:41 am
Jeff's nowhere near as good at video games as he thinks he is.
Comment on #1185 ring ring ring ring ring ring ring of Neko the Kitty
NtKGar, 18 Aug 2015 07:59 am
Today's Whitespace Neko is a pronounciation guide.
<img src='http://topwebcomics.com/rankimages/rankimage.aspx?ImageTemplate=dynamiclink2&a mp;SiteID=13974'>

We've also started running a Neko the Kitty tumblr! The tumblr username nekothekitty was already taken though, so we're at omgnekothekitty.tumblr.com.

The tumblr was originally going to be just the regular comic with the panels arranged vertically so as to be easy to read on phones. We're still going to do that elsewhere, but with the title change prompted me to turn omgnekothekitty into a side project.

It's just Neko smoking cigarettes and making little diatribes to the camera. At the moment it's updating automatically 4 times a day with the most recent Whitespace Neko strips from the archive right here (only with the panels arranged vertically and the ones with out-of-date references excised). The format's already established and the existing strips are going to run out tomorrow, so after that we're going to go for a new Whitespace Neko comic every day!

Neko's fun and easy to draw, so it's good tumblr and means you won't have to wait so long for your kitty giggles.


I'm looking forward to the VR headsets coming out later this year, and naturally Tony's an early adopter. I'm actually friends with a doctor of computer science, and he's researching potential uses of Virtual Reality and Augmented Reality devices, so I've had a chance to play with an Oculus Rift a couple of times because you can get some wonderful toys by saying they're for research. It's a very cool bit of kit. I'm not into technical specifications, but the sense of presence in the virtual world you get from it is incredible. It's like being transported somewhere else, and part of the research is into the effects of telepresence on the human psyche.

From my own experience, one of the most obvious effects is a tendency to make you lose your balance. Something like Elite or MechWarrior where your character is operating controls from a seated position seems the most obvious game design direction to go in at the moment. That and making treadmills more engaging.

I don't actually have Elite: Dangerous, and will probably have to upgrade my PC if I want to play it in VR, but I think I've already unveiled my future plans past that point.

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