SIBLING ISSUES

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SIBLING ISSUES

Postby SRQ » November 15th, 2011, 6:47 pm

I have never been so angry in my entire life.

A little bit of background before I get to todays incident, which is the final f##king straw.

So I have two younger brothers. One is a little bit of a social outcast due to a temper he really ought to learn to keep in check, but since he's gone off to Uni, he's turned out to be a pretty decent guy. He's still working through some issues, and to be honest before he went to Uni his behaviour was more than questionable in several areas. He's turned out all right.

Since he left, I finally understand where all those rage issues come from. My other little brother, is a massive flaming douche.

He's a popular womanising jock. He's insensitive, he's tactless, he's stubborn to a fault, he is bleeding my parents dry, and he has run up massive debts that he expects them to just cover. Now most of this is just the whole typical teenage "bank of mum and dad" thing that we seem to have in the UK. By itself its annoying, and even though you want to punch his face in every time he makes your mother cry, its not really out of the ordinary. It was somewhat out of the ordinary when he wouldn't stop dating underage girls, it was also somewhat out of the ordinary when he had a pregnancy scare because 'the condom split'. As if the fact that the condom splitting was the main issue, not the fact he was having sex when he shouldn't have been. It is also somewhat out of the ordinary, that after every minor emotional complain he turns into this horrible snotty man-sized-child and cuts holes in himself to 'relieve the pain', and that whenever he has a breakup I am on suicide watch because my parents don't want a corpse in the house. Seriously this is a guy who is for lack of a better English term, a total prep.

All that stuff. Irritating as it may be. Doesn't really matter.

We have a dog. I didn't expect to be a dog person, but since we first got him as a tiny little puppy, he's become one of my favourite living things. He's sweet, he's well behaved, and he doesn't have a single malicious bone in his entire body. In the last six months alone my brother has endangered the dog's life three times through utter negligence. The first, was leaving a toastie maker on covered in melted cheese. I f##king hate useless kitchen appliances anyway, but when I came in to find that the dog was about to try and lick the melted cheese from a still hot and still plugged in toastie maker, I wanted to smash the f##king thing to pieces, preferably via the medium of his stupid ignorant face. The second, was leaving tablets out. The dog is still young and still tries to eat whatever we eat. Even though we have insurance, it still cost us £75 for the consultancy fee, and a really nasty warning from the vet that although one of the tablets wouldn't kill him or require a stomach pump, two of them would. The person who found the dog before he could eat the second? Me.

Tonight. Is his third strike. I went into the front room (which I dunno about you guys, but we're kinda middle class and the front room in our house is the good room. We're not super religious, but its where we keep the bibles, also grandma's ashes, and all the baby photos, many of which are on the wall) to find the dog chewing on something. What I retrieved from his mouth, was a used f##king condom.

Although admittedly I am angry that he had sex (yet again) in the only room of the house that is supposed to be any kind of sacred. And yes I am angry that he didn't even bother to put his used condom in the bin, and this will be the fourth one that I've found and had to dispose of for him (gods only know how many are under the filth in his own bedroom). And yes, I am angry that now once again he's made my mother cry, because that's the room that she spends the most amount of time in. The biggest reason, that I am mad, is because once again he's endangered the dog's life by leaving something for him to find. Halloween has just been and gone, the dog thinks that anything in a wrapper is food.

I am just done. I am done defending him, I am done telling lies on his behalf. I am done cleaning up his mess, and I am especially done with the fact that life in this house revolves around him, and the moment that it doesn't, he breaks shit. He has no disabilities, he has no autism, he's just a douche. So yeah.

If you didn't read all that, then all I am really asking for is some similar stories so I know we aren't alone here. And maybe some advice on calming down. I've already apologised to my other brother for not helping him more, now that I realise that he had to put up with this longer than any of us, because they had to share a bedroom. URGH!

EDIT: English is my first language but apparently when I am angry I can't type proper XD
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Re: SIBLING ISSUES

Postby mitchellbravo » November 15th, 2011, 7:04 pm

SRQ wrote: I've already apologised to my other brother for not helping him more, now that I realise that he had to put up with this longer than any of us, because they had to share a bedroom.


Jesus Christ that's horrible.

I'm not sure I can give any advice, but I can empathize to an extent. It's bad enough knowing someone who's just a miserable individual, but it's another thing entirely when the person lives in the same house as you.

Have you talked to your parents about cutting him off in terms of finances? How old is he?

My sister is nowhere near as bad as your brother sounds to be, but she's made my mom cry more times in the past year than I have in my whole life, doubled, maybe tripled, who knows. It's annoying when you feel like you're "the good sibling" and don't know what made the other one turn out different.

Spoiler! :
That last part probably makes me sound like a total bitch, but it's been true. I never went through much of a rebellious stage in my teenage years, and it's like my sister is going through enough to make up for the both of us. She's always had a shorter temper than I ever did, which I think is part of the problem. Just wanted to clarify so it doesn't sound like I'm sitting here bragging about what a great child I am/was.
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Re: SIBLING ISSUES

Postby corruption » November 16th, 2011, 1:51 am

He sounds like a spoiled brat who finds throwing suicidal acts gets him out of trouble, and gets him attention. I may be wrong.

In any case, get him checked out by a shrink. Tell your mom and dad they need to do so. If he is to old to order to one, then get them to cut him off financially unless he goes.

Pregnancy scares with underage girls? I would be inclined to have him reported to the cops!

I can't really say I have any strong familiarity with your kind of situation, but I can say this, if he did act like he does around the house when he was in public, you can bet he would not be popular or be getting any girls. That means he can at least control himself when he is outside.
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Re: SIBLING ISSUES

Postby pwii » November 16th, 2011, 2:05 am

It sounds to me like he's depressed, and needs serious help. I would suggest putting him in an involuntary clinic thing. Of course, I don't know how these things work in America, let alone the UK, so it may not be an option. But he needs serious therapy, and it's probably for the best for him to get it before the law requires it because of one of his crimes.
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Re: SIBLING ISSUES

Postby blankd » November 16th, 2011, 3:10 am

I have no stories to share (that are as strong or as severe as what you have described- I didn't even live with them!) and since it's a big issue I think the best course of action would be to somehow talk it through with your parents. He's old enough to be independent right? Try pulling your parents aside and talking them through so that you all can confront him together and take the next course of action, whatever it may be (cutting him off, getting him house, setting up rules and enforcing them, etc.)

Either way, you really should stop covering his ass, I'd even say put his used condoms under/on his pillow or something but that could end very badly, very quickly.

Best of luck, sucks it had to happen to someone like you )8
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Re: SIBLING ISSUES

Postby mitchellbravo » November 16th, 2011, 10:36 am

blankd wrote: I'd even say put his used condoms under/on his pillow or something but that could end very badly, very quickly.


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Re: SIBLING ISSUES

Postby shindow » November 16th, 2011, 5:15 pm

You make me so glad I don't have siblings.

Nonetheless, your parents need to stop enabling him-- and if he's old enough, kick him out. Maybe if he had a job (does he? I may have missed that somewhere) he would learn the value of money.

As for everything else... well, he's just disrespectful. Someone needs to sit down with him (parents, you, or even better, a shrink) and get his problems sorted out. I'm surprised he isn't an alcoholic yet.
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Re: SIBLING ISSUES

Postby SRQ » November 16th, 2011, 5:43 pm

Thankyou so much for your replies. He's apologised today but to be honest I haven't forgiven him. I can tell when he doesn't mean it. Though when he got home my parents did read him the riot act and he is being somewhat cut off. Although they are still paying for him to go skiing in January so that's probably not going to last long.

Middle class parents who both work get the guilt over their youngest child. Super annoying.

mitchellbravo wrote:
Spoiler! :
My sister is nowhere near as bad as your brother sounds to be, but she's made my mom cry more times in the past year than I have in my whole life, doubled, maybe tripled, who knows. It's annoying when you feel like you're "the good sibling" and don't know what made the other one turn out different.

That last part probably makes me sound like a total bitch, but it's been true. I never went through much of a rebellious stage in my teenage years, and it's like my sister is going through enough to make up for the both of us. She's always had a shorter temper than I ever did, which I think is part of the problem. Just wanted to clarify so it doesn't sound like I'm sitting here bragging about what a great child I am/was.


I have felt this since I was sixteen. I mean I wasn't exactly a saint, and some of the things I said to my parents particularly around the time I came out, I am never going to stop feeling guilt for. But -sigh- its like chalk and cheese. Both our situations were made of teenage angst but his is much worse (rose tinted glasses much? :lol: ). So if saying that makes you a total bitch, then I am a total bitch too.

We could get Tshirts. It would be fab.

corruption wrote:
Spoiler! :
He sounds like a spoiled brat who finds throwing suicidal acts gets him out of trouble, and gets him attention. I may be wrong.

In any case, get him checked out by a shrink. Tell your mom and dad they need to do so. If he is to old to order to one, then get them to cut him off financially unless he goes.

Pregnancy scares with underage girls? I would be inclined to have him reported to the cops!

I can't really say I have any strong familiarity with your kind of situation, but I can say this, if he did act like he does around the house when he was in public, you can bet he would not be popular or be getting any girls. That means he can at least control himself when he is outside.


Its true. He was the whiner, and when he didn't get what he wanted he would just take it anyway. I wish I could say its unique but most of his social group is the same. They are the first generation of children protected by the "you must never ever smack your child ever" laws brought in in the late nineties (thankyou, Cherie Blair), and they all think that they are untouchable. Many of the people in my family are in education, and the stuff they have to put up with now in British schools is horrifying.

He was sixteen, which is the age of consent in this country, and the girl was only fifteen. In our county the police don't really go after that particular scenario because to be honest they do have bigger problems, but this did cross my mind. I was always scared that her parents were just going to report him, and then thats pretty much his life over in terms of being able to find work or have a normal life and children.

And yes outside the house his behaviour is different. Except for the part where he is still a womanising preppy jock, who gets angry over the smallest slight. Therapy didn't work for him, they put him straight on pills which he didn't take properly. Now he goes boxing. Which he also doesn't pay for.

pwii wrote:
Spoiler! :
It sounds to me like he's depressed, and needs serious help. I would suggest putting him in an involuntary clinic thing. Of course, I don't know how these things work in America, let alone the UK, so it may not be an option. But he needs serious therapy, and it's probably for the best for him to get it before the law requires it because of one of his crimes.


We don't have one of these anymore. It was one of the first things that the council got rid of so that they could make their savings. The current British government is trying desperately to keep the country out of debt, but they are sacrificing all the wrong things. He's stopped dating school girls though. And being a monumental tool isn't really on our statute books as a punishable offence. (unfortunately)

blankd wrote:
Spoiler! :
I have no stories to share (that are as strong or as severe as what you have described- I didn't even live with them!) and since it's a big issue I think the best course of action would be to somehow talk it through with your parents. He's old enough to be independent right? Try pulling your parents aside and talking them through so that you all can confront him together and take the next course of action, whatever it may be (cutting him off, getting him house, setting up rules and enforcing them, etc.)

Either way, you really should stop covering his ass, I'd even say put his used condoms under/on his pillow or something but that could end very badly, very quickly.

Best of luck, sucks it had to happen to someone like you )8


I've been trying all year haha. I must be some kind of emotional masochist, because I can't not help either of my brothers even when they get involved in the most redundant situations that are indescribable in their stupidity. I don't know if thats an eldest child thing or whether I am a doormat. But this time he nearly killed the dog. I know it's not the same as nearly killing a person, but I am absolutely done. He's not getting any more favors from me anytime soon.

There are also probably used condoms there already. I made a rule never to go into his room after the last time I stepped in week old sandwich via the delightful medium of horrible dirty underwear. I didn't stop washing my feet for like an hour haha

shindow wrote:
Spoiler! :
You make me so glad I don't have siblings.

Nonetheless, your parents need to stop enabling him-- and if he's old enough, kick him out. Maybe if he had a job (does he? I may have missed that somewhere) he would learn the value of money.

As for everything else... well, he's just disrespectful. Someone needs to sit down with him (parents, you, or even better, a shrink) and get his problems sorted out. I'm surprised he isn't an alcoholic yet.


Don't get me wrong I think its good to have brothers and sisters but the adolescent phase sucks lol. This is actually on the table this time, dad is furious that he nearly killed the dog. The job thing is a sore spot. We live in a rural town and currently jobs here are hard to find, and most of the vacancies are filled with migrant workers from Eastern Europe (who to be honest are much harder workers). My brother managed to do the impossible and through sheer force of will and pestering the feck out of every single employer in town, he managed to get work.... which he threw away due to having messed up priorities and bunking off to see his girlfriend or to go camping with his friends to 'practice' for his Duke of Edinborough Award. And now he can't find more work, because word has quickly spread that he's not really interested. :|


Thankyou again for the replies :)


I did manage to calm down last night although I was up till six AM talking to my friends from London on the phone.

Feel free to leave more comments if you're going through something like this or if you have stories to share.
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