Am I a bad friend...?

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Am I a bad friend...?

Postby tangyskittles » November 22nd, 2011, 11:31 pm

Okay so um me and this girl have been friends since 11th grade (we're both 19 now). By the next year we had become best friends, attached by the hip. To the point that people asked if we were dating :roll: (I'm bi btw and she was? She doesn't know anymore) anyway, ya. She stayed over at my house so much that my family accepted her into the family which she was glad for (her family is pretty shitty) and everything was fine.

I stayed back a year because I needed to redeem 2 more credits to graduate so we sort of...drifted apart. I started hanging out with the younger students. She was busy with work and other things so we didn't talk as much. We weren't on bad terms or anything but I think that's when things got a bit rocky.

You see, offline she's a wonderful person. But online, during MMO's we all play, she turns into a rude bitch. I can understand that she wanted to run off to play by herself randomly. I didn't mind because I still had others to hang out with but...then she started whining at Adam (our gay friend) because he has a habit of leveling up quickly. It was fine and Adam played along with her. It got worse because then she started picking at his personality. You see, dear Adam likes showing off his flaming nature and flirting with everyone playfully. When both him and his best friend, Mark are online...you start seeing rainbows and unicorns and erm--inappropriate things but that's how they were. I honestly loved them for it because they were proud and so damn happy.

But you know, she didn't. In fact, she basically told Adam that she didn't want to play with him anymore unless he toned it down.
He took it but I snapped.

I told her that she's being a bitch and she had no right to say what she said. She got upset at me for taking his side. I told her to not call or text like a coward behind a keyboard and face me like a human. We patched things up when she came over that night and we hugged and promised to never fight again.I think we jinxed it.

Then it was nearing our birthdays this year. It was silly thing we used to do because our birthdays were so close (Mines was the 6th and hers was the 16th) so we always celebrated both on the same day. So we had a party planned and everything. Also, Anime North (anime convention in Toronto) was coming up and we were pretty buzzed because of that. Then she mentioned that her aunt booked her a hotel. Since I couldn't stay in a hotel she asked someone else. Her choice? A guy she met online, met once offline and the only thing they had in common was they both liked My Little Pony.

You could've guessed how I reacted to that. It was pretty nasty because she put me in a conversation with him and I just snapped and called them idiots. After some ranting she invited me into another convo and snapped at me for insulting her friend and her. I told her she's being a idiot for trusting a random guy like that. I mean come on...your best friend is going to spending two nights in a hotel room with a guy she met online...WHAT WILL BE YOUR REACTION? :evil:

She started saying that I was being judgemental and rude. That I didn't trust her. I told her to do whatever she wants and signed off.
That was the second longest fight we had.

It affected me the most because I ended up crying a lot. Bless Adam for always being there to listen and comfort me. Sad thing is that he was getting annoyed with her as well. But in the end, he was the one who fixed the fight. Ugh. We had the party as planned...but she kind of killed the mood.

Oho. It's not over kiddies~ Summer was when I started to see where our friendship has gone.
During the summer I was running around because of summer school and getting ready for college. The only people I hung out was Adam and a friend that lived nearby and was helping me with summer school.

That's when she started texting me, demanding that we hang out but I've been so busy and the only time I got out was when I was dragged out to have fun. Also, I admit that deep down inside I didn't want to see her. You see, earlier that summer I had invited her along to hang out with us one day...and she left because we ended up chatting about something that obviously didn't interest her.

Let me explain to you about her nasty habit. She's the type of person who likes showing off what she likes and literally shoves them in people's faces, if you don't like it she gets upset. But other way around? She ignores it. She's the reason I hate My Little Pony. So much that I want to burn my eyes and ears out whenever they are mentioned.

So anyway, since then she started using Facebook to vent her thoughts. Her personal thoughts that were clearly directed to me. Just not using my name. Then she unfriends me saying that she 'can't stand the fact that I'm having fun with other people.' She then started her spamming rampage about how her friends were ignoring her and how she had to make the effort of being their friend. All this bullshit which only gained her sympathy from her online friends. She even wrote down that 'if this is what took her leave than she never took our friendship seriously'

I didn't care much and let her vent. In the end, we met once and made up. No words. Nothing. (Ugh. I know...wtf is wrong with me?)

Then the final fight happened.
She posted crap about our mutual friend, the most sweetest girl that we have ever known.
I can take crap about me but dragging our friends into her drama? No.

I had pulled two all-nighters and was on the edge. So I wrote her a heart-felt message that was filled with my disgust and irritation. It was harsh. My friend pressed send before I could think straight. It was done. Then I took the liberty to unfriend and block her from my Facebook, MSN and deleted her number that day. Any texts she sent I deleted without a second thought. The friend she insulted deleted her too and told me her side of the story...basically she went through what I went through and escaped while she can.

But she wouldn't stop bothering us. She wanted to know what she did wrong...and she was sorry. It would've been fine if it was text or a message...no, it was as her status. I'm not even joking on how she's trying to play a victim. She refuses to look at her faults, she refuses to understand that she needs to grow up and that she needs to stop depending on people so much.

We haven't talked directly till this day. The fight happened in October. I don't want to face her again because it will be a cycle and we'll just keep hurting each other. But at the same time I don't want to end our friendship like this. I want to end it maturely and with less drama.

So ya...done ranting :x I'm sorry if I bored you guys but...I needed a place to vent.

I let her insult me in front of our friends. I let her ignore me in favour of spending time with her current crush. I let her into my home to enjoy my family's warmth. I let her get angry at me for no reason whatsoever (Once for spelling Bieber's name wrong. She was apparently pissed off at the dog) . I let her use me.

Then I just stopped.

I feel relieved. Is that bad?
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Re: Am I a bad friend...?

Postby Guest » November 22nd, 2011, 11:59 pm

Nope. I'd feel relieved, too.
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Re: Am I a bad friend...?

Postby RyoSoulreaper » November 23rd, 2011, 12:47 am

You feel that? That sudden lightness on your shoulders? Yeah. Feels good don't it?
No. You are not a bad friend, She was.

If you want to though, I suggest a final meeting in person. End it. Fight whatever it is that made you make up those other times and just end like 2 Adults.
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Re: Am I a bad friend...?

Postby tangyskittles » November 23rd, 2011, 2:45 am

Thanks for the support ^^

The thing is about my friend, her family may be the cause of her dependant nature. Her father is a raging manwhore who has too many children with different women and her mother can't do anything because her husband hates my friend. She lives with her father's sister and her family and her grandfather...but lately they've been giving her a push towards getting a job. She's been neglected a lot by her parents but she's close to one of her younger sisters and somewhat twin-brother (they were born on the same day but with different mothers)

She doesn't understand that they are worried about her, since she doesn't want to go to college anymore. I understand that they want her to do something with her life...they have their own family to take care of too. Before the fight she had come over with (no seriously, I'm not even joking about this) the MLP moron that we got into a fight about. (Long story short, the guy is a 17 year old runaway from Quebec. Taking refuge at her--I mean her UNCLE's house) and the whole time they were there...I seriously wanted to kill myself.

All that brat did was complain about his mother. Calling her horrible names and crap like that. That and talk about MLP.
What pissed me off? She was calling his mother the same thing and joking about it with him.

Then she had the nerve to call her uncle a jerk for not letting the guy stay any longer.
Honestly? HONESTLY? It's HIS house! He took her in when she needed a home. I think he has the right to kick a useless bum out of HIS home.

Urg. I didn't even know such people existed around me! D:<

Oh guess what?
They're dating now. The perfect, idiotic MLP couple >:T

But that's one of the reasons I was tired of her. Her life choices are terrible and she doesn't seem to know what she's doing anymore.
Stupid thing is my mom pities her and my sweet friend? She's getting shit from her parents because of this. All three of them think that she's a poor child that just needs love and friends.

It's annoying. I never expected high school drama AFTER I graduated school.
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Re: Am I a bad friend...?

Postby cloverthegreat » November 23rd, 2011, 3:15 am

tangyskittles wrote:It's annoying. I never expected high school drama AFTER I graduated school.


High school drama is forever. Pick your friends carefully and hope for good coworkers.

Don't bother meeting with her one last time. She doesn't deserve it, you don't deserve the stress, and closure is usually just a fantasy.
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Re: Am I a bad friend...?

Postby Jops » November 23rd, 2011, 5:41 am

People change. Sometimes they don't actually realize that and try to stay anchored to what they used to be like... but all they achieve is getting confused and peeved off easily.
From your story, i guess this is what your friend was being trough.
This, of course, does not justify her badmouthing your other friends or most of the actions you described, i'm just trying to see what's behind the surface.
Understanding what's behind is the first thing you'd need to handle the situation properly. It sucks to lose a friend, sucks even more to lose one in bad terms.
Maybe it's too late to try now. It seems you've finally cut ties for good.

As about your relief. That's perfectly natural, you had yourself in a stressful situation and finally you got out. Maybe not in the best way, but you're out nonetheless. It doesn't make you a bad friend, it just makes you human.
Like others have said before, I'd feel relieved too.

tangyskittles wrote:I told her she's being a idiot for trusting a random guy like that. I mean come on...your best friend is going to spending two nights in a hotel room with a guy she met online...WHAT WILL BE YOUR REACTION? :evil:

Sorry, I can understand your concern and how you felt there, but having been also on the other side of the barricade i can't help but find that reaction quite short-sighted. Just because she met him over then internet doesn't mean she doesn't know him at all. if she trusted him she had her reasons. Could be that it was actually misplaced trust, yet you seem to have jumped directly to that conclusion without knowing him at all.
Sharing an hotel room for 2 nights is actually a pretty bold move, i agree, but you seem to have used the "not-normal = wrong" equation and taken a very negative approach in dealing with situation. Warning her to be cautious is one thing, but getting pissed because she trusts someone you assume she doesn't know is another.

Again, i don't really know what happened exactly, so i may have taken the wrong impression here. Point is, when it comes to internet relationships or anything along these lines, I've seen that kind of reaction so many times from people around me, to automatically expect it by default.
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Re: Am I a bad friend...?

Postby tangyskittles » November 23rd, 2011, 11:41 am

Sorry, I can understand your concern and how you felt there, but having been also on the other side of the barricade i can't help but find that reaction quite short-sighted. Just because she met him over then internet doesn't mean she doesn't know him at all. if she trusted him she had her reasons. Could be that it was actually misplaced trust, yet you seem to have jumped directly to that conclusion without knowing him at all.
Sharing an hotel room for 2 nights is actually a pretty bold move, i agree, but you seem to have used the "not-normal = wrong" equation and taken a very negative approach in dealing with situation. Warning her to be cautious is one thing, but getting pissed because she trusts someone you assume she doesn't know is another.


I know I overreacted. I apologized to her about it and then to the guy. But during the situation I was stressed about the idea...
I'm just naturally worried about her so I tend to over think.

Then I met him offline. I'm not the type to judge a person as soon as I met him...I couldn't help it.
She was practically throwing herself at him and he was extremely immature and rude. His attitude made me slightly sick...
I'm sorry if I sound like a bitch but I seriously do not like the guy.

Oh she also had been only talking to him for two weeks before the convention. I wouldn't have minded if she knew him a while longer...but seriously?
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Re: Am I a bad friend...?

Postby Rivana » November 23rd, 2011, 12:35 pm

It was wise of you to get away from that toxic relationship while you can.

You see, you meet many people in life and rarely would anyone be your friend 'forever'. I had someone who called my 'forever friend' in elementary, a different one in high school, and a different one in college (I move to different schools). And none of these 'best friends' are the people I talk to these days save for the occasional friend requests/updates in facebook (I graduated college 12 years ago).

People mature and move on with their lives. Oftentimes, the people that surround you are the ones you'd feel closest to and not your best friend in kindegarten that now lives in another town/state

It may sound funny, but the closest people that I talk to a atm are the people I started Role Playing with 6 years ago (that led to my webcomic).

You could say we're kinda like Felicia Day's 'The Guild', though I never really met them in person, we just different personalities that somehow get along. Here's the catch - when I started our guild 6 years ago, there was only one policy - No Drama. And we all just kept it at that and they were the coolest, funniest people I talked to (who are also smartasses).

I went on hiatus for two years when I started dating my now husband, but hey I came back and they are still the same old goofballs I used to talk to. lol.

I also got an officemate that I hang out with but none of my friends 'demand' that I prioritize them 100% of the time. We all got families and responsibilities at home and as people get older, they understand this and they have their own stuff to worry about as well.

These are the kinds of friends that you may meet later on in life. So you're not missing anything from cutting ties from your old friend.

TL:DR - The older you get, the lesser it is that people become this dramatic. So don't worry, you'll be fine and you did the right move. Your friend will just drag you down with her self-destructive attitude.
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Re: Am I a bad friend...?

Postby Jops » November 23rd, 2011, 4:45 pm

tangyskittles wrote:I'm sorry if I sound like a bitch but I seriously do not like the guy.

No need to apologize: you do have some very valid points for not liking him. ^^
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Re: Am I a bad friend...?

Postby HalfAssedChaos » November 23rd, 2011, 5:02 pm

Hmmmm... sounds like she hasn't been taking the Lessons in My Little Ponies very seriously.

Maybe if she watches it some more she will learn the magic of friendship.
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Re: Am I a bad friend...?

Postby mockingbirdflyaway » December 1st, 2011, 11:58 pm

It sounds like your friend (though you shouldn't call her a friend... maybe "[fake name]" or Ex-friend :P) has had some REALLY lousy role-models in how to treat people you care about and how to conduct love relationships.

Unfortunately, you cannot do anything about that. She'll have to learn for herself.

So take a deep breath, and just let her go. Mature closure only really happens when both sides are mature.
What do you do when you come home to a marriage proposal from your best friend.... who happens to be the next in line to the throne?
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Re: Am I a bad friend...?

Postby tangyskittles » December 26th, 2011, 1:59 am

This is soooo old now but ya.

Thanks for all of your advice!!!
I did end up talking to her face to face and...issues arose but later the next day I put my foot down and ended it quietly.

She was bitter about it but she accepted it. I never wanted to drag her along with this loose-end friendship of pity...so ya.

It's done. She still there in my life somewhere distant now...we still have the same mutual friends (well...the ones who aren't annoyed with her) and things are pretty good now, thankfully.

But ya :D Thank you everyone~
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