Is it ok okay to have no friends at all?

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Is it ok okay to have no friends at all?

Postby ColeDX » May 28th, 2012, 2:48 am

Is it okay to not have much friends?

I only have like 1 friend in life. We're not extremely close or anything, but i think of him as a best. I don't think he thinks of me as a best too as much as I do, since he's pretty much the only fried I have at school right now lol. We don't even have any classes together, we just hang out at lunch. He has some friends though, more than I could ever get lol.

People don't hate me or anything, I'm just kind of Anti Social and shy lol.

I'm 15. A Freshman.

I don't think I have any other friends besides the only one I have, which would most likely split from me when we go to Collage.

They tell you to don't be shy and just go talk to people. I can't. I can only talk normally online without stuttering and I can talk like myself.

Is it okay to be like this? I don't know...

Please don't mock me or anything or call me a pussy (Yeah I know I'm one already lol) Just wondering if this is normal :/

And yeah, I know. Forever Alone...
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Re: Is it ok okay to have no friends at all?

Postby doomjazz » May 28th, 2012, 3:25 am

Hey there. :)

I was in a similar situation to you when I was at school. I can remember I spent about three years at one school sitting alone every single lunch time. It wasn't fun. :/

I never had very good social skills. Part of this was because I moved a lot and never really got the chance to practice. (My mum even got me a book on how to make friends. :lol: Not making this up!)

Your stuttering probably makes you feel kinda insecure, amirite? It can be a negative cycle. You feel insecure and afraid in a social situation, so you start stuttering when you talk, and then you avoid social situations, and it gets worse.

Shyness and social isolation is normal for a lot of people. You are not a freak. I know I thought was for a LONG time. But you are not weird. You just need practice. Making friends, small talk and socializing are skills that you can learn. Some people are just better at it than others. But guess what? You can learn to fake it 'til you make it!

One of the best things I ever did for my social skills was getting a part-time job in customer service. I was put on the spot and pretty much forced to be smiley and friendly and extroverted - a completely different person. If you don't have a part-time job in customer service, you ought to get one.

The other thing I recommend is deliberately putting yourself in social situations. Be brave! Believe in me who believes in you!

Because the ONLY way you will improve your social skills is by being social. It sucks, but it's true. Take the leap, and just chat to someone. Don't overthink it, just go with the natural flow of the conversation.

Look for opportunities. Little moments. Say somebody drops a pencil, or you help them with their textbooks, or you're with a study partner. Chat about the weather, assignments, bitch about that one annoying teacher. Crack a few jokes - humour is always a good thing! Don't try to talk about the "deep and meaningful" stuff straight away, get to know them first.

You mentioned that your best friend has a group of other friends. Maybe you could get to know some of them?

(If you're worried that people are judging you 24/7, like I tend to do, don't worry- most people are worrying about themselves, what they had for lunch, the next lesson. Most people really aren't judging or scrutinizing you. So relax.)

The way you present yourself helps as well. People who smile are more well-liked than those who don't smile. The smiley person could be a total asshole, but it doesn't matter, because they give off a friendly, please-approach-me vibe. (I know that my "content" face looks more like a "my-puppy-just-died" face, so I have to force myself to look smiiley.) Try smiling more often, even when you don't feel happy. (Not a serial killer smile, just a relaxed smile, use "soft eyes".) People will smile back and it may even improve your mood.

Pay attention to your posture as well. (I have terrible posture lol.) Standing up straight and relaxed will make you seem more confident. People tend to avoid other people who have a slumped posture.

I hope this helped! You'll improve - you're fifteen, you've got a whole life ahead of you to learn new things! :)
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Re: Is it ok okay to have no friends at all?

Postby ColeDX » May 28th, 2012, 12:54 pm

doomjazz wrote:Hey there. :)

I was in a similar situation to you when I was at school. I can remember I spent about three years at one school sitting alone every single lunch time. It wasn't fun. :/

I never had very good social skills. Part of this was because I moved a lot and never really got the chance to practice. (My mum even got me a book on how to make friends. :lol: Not making this up!)

Your stuttering probably makes you feel kinda insecure, amirite? It can be a negative cycle. You feel insecure and afraid in a social situation, so you start stuttering when you talk, and then you avoid social situations, and it gets worse.

Shyness and social isolation is normal for a lot of people. You are not a freak. I know I thought was for a LONG time. But you are not weird. You just need practice. Making friends, small talk and socializing are skills that you can learn. Some people are just better at it than others. But guess what? You can learn to fake it 'til you make it!

One of the best things I ever did for my social skills was getting a part-time job in customer service. I was put on the spot and pretty much forced to be smiley and friendly and extroverted - a completely different person. If you don't have a part-time job in customer service, you ought to get one.

The other thing I recommend is deliberately putting yourself in social situations. Be brave! Believe in me who believes in you!

Because the ONLY way you will improve your social skills is by being social. It sucks, but it's true. Take the leap, and just chat to someone. Don't overthink it, just go with the natural flow of the conversation.

Look for opportunities. Little moments. Say somebody drops a pencil, or you help them with their textbooks, or you're with a study partner. Chat about the weather, assignments, bitch about that one annoying teacher. Crack a few jokes - humour is always a good thing! Don't try to talk about the "deep and meaningful" stuff straight away, get to know them first.

You mentioned that your best friend has a group of other friends. Maybe you could get to know some of them?

(If you're worried that people are judging you 24/7, like I tend to do, don't worry- most people are worrying about themselves, what they had for lunch, the next lesson. Most people really aren't judging or scrutinizing you. So relax.)

The way you present yourself helps as well. People who smile are more well-liked than those who don't smile. The smiley person could be a total asshole, but it doesn't matter, because they give off a friendly, please-approach-me vibe. (I know that my "content" face looks more like a "my-puppy-just-died" face, so I have to force myself to look smiiley.) Try smiling more often, even when you don't feel happy. (Not a serial killer smile, just a relaxed smile, use "soft eyes".) People will smile back and it may even improve your mood.

Pay attention to your posture as well. (I have terrible posture lol.) Standing up straight and relaxed will make you seem more confident. People tend to avoid other people who have a slumped posture.

I hope this helped! You'll improve - you're fifteen, you've got a whole life ahead of you to learn new things! :)


Thanks :)
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Re: Is it ok okay to have no friends at all?

Postby H0lyhandgrenade » May 28th, 2012, 1:23 pm

It took me a while to make friends. I think at your age is one of the most difficult times, since everyone's so concerned with being cool and fitting in and turning on anyone who isn't part of their gang in order to make themselves feel more united. Highschool's a rough time. However following this, I find people tend to relax a bit more. Around the age of sixteen and up, people start to be more themselves and are easier to talk to. I had one good friend before then, but at sixteen or so when I went to college, that's where things really started coming together and life became a lot more pleasant.

It can be tough being social, I know =) But don't worry too much about it. Not everyone breezes through life and social situations as easily as it seems like they all do. We all just gotta try relax and be ourselves and learn a thing or two about people over time, and things really will work out in the end.
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Re: Is it ok okay to have no friends at all?

Postby robybang » May 28th, 2012, 2:33 pm

ColeDX wrote:Is it okay to not have much friends?

I only have like 1 friend in life. We're not extremely close or anything, but i think of him as a best. I don't think he thinks of me as a best too as much as I do, since he's pretty much the only fried I have at school right now lol. We don't even have any classes together, we just hang out at lunch. He has some friends though, more than I could ever get lol.

People don't hate me or anything, I'm just kind of Anti Social and shy lol.


I think you mean "Asocial". "Antisocial" is basically another word for "Psychopath".

Anyways, I kind of get what you mean. I get along with people and whatnot, but I don't really have any close friends that I hang out with outside of school or clubs. I've tried in the past to hang out with friends more, but it doesn't really feel natural and we usually drift apart after awhile. I can't really give you any advice in this regard, but just letting you know you're not the only one.
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Re: Is it ok okay to have no friends at all?

Postby xkrazydog » May 28th, 2012, 4:18 pm

If you break the ice and talk first, even if its something small like "Hey, my name is-" People reciprocate incredibly well. Well most, but many wont think ill of you if you do.

I know when i started making tons of of friends is when i spoke first. and people gravitate to those who say things first. So swallow up a little bit of courage and say something!
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Re: Is it ok okay to have no friends at all?

Postby elrotram » May 28th, 2012, 10:45 pm

I only have three or four friends and you know what? I'm happy about that. I like having a small group I know intimately rather than a large group of friends. It's all up to personal preference. If you're not comfortable making friends, it's not a big deal; if you want advice - well, don't ask me, I enjoy my lifestyle. :)
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Re: Is it ok okay to have no friends at all?

Postby Afrohawkman » May 28th, 2012, 11:11 pm

I agree with the many people here who have said just talk to someone. I myself am kind of asocial. I mean when I get to know someone I can be one loud little bugger but when it comes to talking to new people it's a bit hard. But you'd be surprised who really responds to just a simple conversation starter. Most importantly though, as cliched as it sounds, just be yourself. Ask about general things that you like and see who digs those things before you get too specific and you'll find yourself with some good friends. If they don't respond or respond negatively, don't get discouraged. Keep the search on and you'll do great.

Good luck on the friend search man!
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Re: Is it ok okay to have no friends at all?

Postby darkenergy » May 28th, 2012, 11:13 pm

Depends on how you feel about it. If you're questioning it, I'd say get out there more. (Hanging with people literally changes your brain chemistry, so being happy with your social life is hella important.)
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Re: Is it ok okay to have no friends at all?

Postby Ronin356 » May 28th, 2012, 11:22 pm

It's okay man, and you will get new friends over time. Just be yourself and don't try to be someone you are not just to fit in. Better to be true to yourself than be another person.
College is a lot better than High School in meeting new people and you will met people who fit your common interest.

It's okay to be weird and different.
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Re: Is it ok okay to have no friends at all?

Postby SpiralPen » May 29th, 2012, 7:44 am

I wouldn't sweat it, bro. Most people only ever have a very small handful of actual, true friends and honestly, friendship is a broader and more nuanced term than people seem to think it is. There might be people in your life who consider you a friend and you don't realize it. If not now, someday maybe.
Also, you seemed to mention that you're not in college yet. That will definitely make bridging the social gap easier in at least one regard. Interests. You have them. When you go to college, you tend to take more courses and participate in activities that are much more tailored to your genuine interests and curiosity. Well, there's a high likelihood that some of your classmates will share those interests if they're involved in the same classes and activities and last I checked, common interests was the basis for 90% of friendships.
Don't discount online friends, either. I know society makes it feel awkward and weird to have online friends, but in today's world, there's nothing wrong with that. It's a perfectly legitimate way to meet and communicate with people, the drawback being that it's easier to do more fun stuff in person. I had zero friends when I entered middle school and spent every class by myself and every lunch reading comics alone. One kid approached me and by the end of the year, I had made 4 or 5 really good friends and several friendly acquaintances. The process repeated in high school, to a worse degree. I made a bunch of friendly acquaintances but didn't take it the extra mile into friendship because of my asocial tendencies at the time.
At the end of high school, without even trying, I still ended up with 10 really good friends. Several months later, I lost all but 4 of them.
I feel like this is getting off-subject, but the point I'm trying to make is that friends can come and go and at the end of the day, you should be more concerned about yourself and your experiences than you should the number of friends or any other such technicalities. If you're happy, it doesn't matter how many friends you have. People will come into your life that you think are friends, that want to be your friends, that you want to be your friends, and there's no telling how any of it will play out. Also, nobody dislikes a shy person. Don't be afraid of being shy or easily embarrassed (that's what I did! >.<). As long as you don't say and do absolutely nothing, people will come into your life. Just give it time.

To more directly answer your actual question, though, yes, it's okay to have no friends. It can get sort of lonely, but I don't think there are very many people out there who have NO friends. I think if you looked, you'd find more than you thought you had. Maybe here on the forums, who knows? ;)
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Re: Is it ok okay to have no friends at all?

Postby ColeDX » May 29th, 2012, 6:16 pm

Thanks for the support, it really means a lot.
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Re: Is it ok okay to have no friends at all?

Postby ajramsey86 » May 29th, 2012, 7:18 pm

Yes it is okay, i was the same way when i was your age. Just be yourself and if you wish to get over you shyness factor get a job in retail. Seriously that will get you out of your shell because you are forced to talk to people. I wouldn't apply at a large chain, but a small one that way you are more hands on and the people that train you will talk to you and with you instead of just handing you a packet and set you lose.
I lost a lot of friends my freshman year of high school, they were to busy trying to party and i just well couldn't, i was scared. I moved and went to a new school and i made 2 friends because they saw a shirt i was wearing and liked it, they were pretty much my only friends until my last year of high school until all of sudden people started "seeing" me, i dont know how it happened but i wasnt invisible anymore. I didnt try either. So dont worry, it will happen.
But ill tell you a little secret. Im 25 years old and all the friends i made in high school that last year and after are no longer a part of my life. As you get older you tend to lose friends, people move, people make new friends and your not important anymore, people grow up and get married and have kids. Some people cant handle not having friends and i like to think that its people like us that can and can move on in life because we have played that game before. Your best friends in life will be your parents, your brothers/sisters, your husband, your wife, and your kids, dont forget that. :)
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Re: Is it ok okay to have no friends at all?

Postby C_You » May 31st, 2012, 11:55 pm

I think the bigger question is whether you are content with having only one friend. If you are, then yes, it's okay. Being happy with your life matters more than having large social circles.

I actually think that waiting tables works better than a job in retail for getting out of your shell. You're working for tips, so there is motivation even beyond an hourly wage. :D
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Re: Is it ok okay to have no friends at all?

Postby desideraht » June 1st, 2012, 6:10 am

I was painfully shy at your age.
It's not bad, as long as you aren't down about it. Try not to let it eat your self-esteem. Being shy doesn't make you a bad person or unlikable. People just don't know how to approach you.

You do need to work on shyness before you're an adult, though. Most jobs require you to talk to people. But if you're doing a job you like, it'll be easier. You'll feel more confident. :mrgreen: WhyamItalkingtoa15yearoldaboutwork.

I think you'll be fine. You're at "that age". A lot of people are struggling to figure out who they are at your age. A lot of backstabbing and drama. It might be good if you're a little shy, lol.
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