Let's Vent

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Re: Let's Vent

Postby Seven Rain » November 20th, 2018, 5:38 am

I always appreciate the offer, but things are better now, it's just been a dramatic couple of days.
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Re: Let's Vent

Postby Seven Rain » November 29th, 2018, 5:06 pm

Why does this always happen. I feel so defeated. I get pumped, I get confident, I tell myself I'll get shit done and then I tell followers I'll get shit done and it all goes to shit. I get destroyed somehow, someway, by something, I get mentally and/or emotionally destroyed and I sit and I cry or stare at the ceiling and I think "oh boy I better keep my mouth shut or it'll sound like I'm just using depression as an excuse to not get work done like I always do" and then get stuck in a loop of "I'm not drawing because I'm depressed but I'm getting more depressed because I do this all the time and I said I'd get it done and I always fuck myself over by giving people my word and agadfhahafhjafjahfjadha"
Why can't I just live a typical, happy life with typical, nice family members. Why do I have to have anxiety. Why do I have to struggle to communicate. Why do things that are so small to everyone else have to matter so much to me. And when people tell me to just "get over it, stop letting it get to you, only you can change how you think/feel about it, etc" it only makes me feel worse. Like I'm not strong enough to just shove it all aside like everyone else I know can, I'm not strong enough to go through life unaffected by the things people say or do to me, I'm not strong enough even though every waking moment I'm having to shove things aside just to operate, just to be a human. When I'm with friends I can distract myself from unhappiness, but then I'm right back to the other side of my life where I feel alone and distant from my family. Now for the next part of the loop; I'll post here because I have nowhere else to vent, I'll feel embarrassed, I'll get over it for a little while and then walk on eggshells until my next meltdown.
To those who've seen me vent here like this for the past few years this is business as usual, don't mind me I'm just gonna wangst at my keyboard and lay on the couch. Maybe I can charge myself up with caffeine and spend all night getting done what I had planned to get done 4-5 hours ago.
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Re: Let's Vent

Postby The_Hankerchief » November 30th, 2018, 12:31 pm

So, this isn't widely known among very many people, but I'm a godfather, a legitimate godfather, to a friend of mine's little boy, down in Texas. (For those who don't know what that is, basically, if anything were to happen to my godson's folks, I'd end up taking care of him.) His name is Dakota, he's about three years old now, and the kid's a sweetheart. His real daddy is no longer in the picture, hasn't been since right before he was born, but my friend's new husband (I had the pleasure of officiating their wedding earlier this year) adopted Dakota as his own son, alongside his own two little boys. Couldn't ask for better people to know.

I was talking to my friend last night, and she told me Dakota keeps saying that "Uncle Brennen (as he refers to me) is coming home! ("Home" being his parents' house in Texas)" He's so excited, he's bouncing off the walls about it, and even asked Santa if he could make it happen.

Unfortunately, I'll be up here in Montana, working over both Christmas and New Year's. I deploy shortly after that, too.

I'm not even a parent, but her telling me what Dakota said hit me pretty hard. You don't know heartbreak until you have to look a little kid in the eye and watch his reaction as you try to explain why you won't be coming home for Christmas. It's even worse when you have to do it over Facetime.
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Re: Let's Vent

Postby Bliss » December 1st, 2018, 2:22 pm

Just in time for the Holidays, I've got a big ass pimple on my nose that makes me look eligible for Reindeer recruitment. Merry Christmas :?:
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Re: Let's Vent

Postby Seven Rain » January 18th, 2019, 1:25 am

Seeing the backlash over that Gillette ad feels really, really defeating. How can so many people feel so threatened by a message that boils down to "don't be a piece of shit and don't raise our kids to be pieces of shit"? I don't think I'll ever be able to hold any consistent faith in humanity/society as a whole until I find the ability and self control to never look at the news or comment sections for anything ever again.
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Re: Let's Vent

Postby mitchellbravo » January 27th, 2019, 7:44 pm

Today is my aunt's birthday. She would have been 67. She took her own life two summers ago. I wish things had been different for her. I miss her so much.
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Re: Let's Vent

Postby UrbanMysticDee » January 27th, 2019, 9:34 pm

Sick again, for the third time since I started my new job last June. I've been sick for 26 out of 236 days, 10% of my total time there. There's no ventilation, the air is hot and stagnant, no one has ever cleaned the ducts since the building was made, and 40 guys are squeezed into a tiny space so we pass the same germs around endlessly.

I barely made it through today. I don't know about tomorrow. I might have to leave early.
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Re: Let's Vent

Postby Kiki-Wyvern » February 21st, 2019, 10:33 pm

GamerDude123 wrote:
kmarwx wrote:Everyone who's responded to you thus far has been attempting to help you fix your problem, not to purposefully annoy or irritate you. This community is a very welcoming one, and the subject matter at hand doesn't warrant any such behavior like the kind you think they are showing you. I promise you, as a member of the community for five years, that every one of these people is willing to help you in any way they can so long as you don't blow things out of proportion like you are currently doing. Transphobia was never brought up in any of these people's comments towards you, and the "change your username" comment wasn't meant to be a command. It was simply a suggestion that might help others know which pronouns to address you with. If you have any further problems with anybody in this thread, please feel free to use the PM system to communicate further, as I can imagine this kind of argument is not welcome nor desired in a thread such as this one.


moderators are harassing me via pm and will not answer to my inquries

i am sorry...my life is extremely stressfull....bullies at school not understanding their privilege -_-


It's so obvious you're a troll, but it's also really sad that you think it's okay to act like this.
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Re: Let's Vent

Postby eishiya » February 22nd, 2019, 8:11 am

Kiki-Wyvern wrote:It's so obvious you're a troll, but it's also really sad that you think it's okay to act like this.

That drama was from 2014, there's no need to dredge it back up. I don't think that user is even on SJ anymore.
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Re: Let's Vent

Postby Seven Rain » February 22nd, 2019, 10:15 pm

I wouldn't be surprised if they dug it up because Kevans has the beginning of the exchange linked in his sig, haha.


*EDIT*
Apparently Brody Stevens committed suicide. Why is it always the celebrities who seem to love life and positivity the most that reach this point?
I've gone through times in my life that I felt so depressed that dying instead of waking up in the morning seemed like it would feel like a weight lifted off of me and everyone else, but suicide or self-harm have always been out of the question no matter how bleak things looked. It's made me more sympathetic when people feel even more hopeless than me, so much so that they can go through with something like that. Whether it's a friend, family, random guy down the street, or celebrities like Brody and Robin, I sympathize more now that I know how deep depression can go.

Losing Brody is particularly painful because although he's not a massive celebrity or a guy with six Netflix specials or an actor you see in all kinds of movies, his social media was unique in that rather than some random intern posting things on his behalf, he would just post photos and videos and selfies and silly little quips from things in his every day life. Goofy license plates and dudes at coffee shops rolling dice on their table or taking selfies in front of statues and rambling about baseball, vids of him driving to a comedy club or show in another town, and there'd be maybe 20-100 likes/reactions. I wouldn't say it was so intimate that it felt like being friends with him, but it felt like a sincere look into his life. All the silly little things that he thought were amusing enough to take pictures of. Now that he's gone there's no one posting anything about his passing, just a link to an Instagram post from three days ago about a coffee mug.
Rest in Peace, Brody. I wish things hadn't ended up this way.
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Re: Let's Vent

Postby pixlyJolt » March 7th, 2019, 2:16 am

GamerDude7 is still here, & yeah, he's a troll. I always see him around.
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Re: Let's Vent

Postby Seven Rain » March 10th, 2019, 2:59 am

I'm just a walking pile of depression. I can't go a fucking week feeling happy about anything before I'm dragged back down. I'm overly-sensitive about everything and get overloaded with hurtful shit on social media yet I can't pry myself away from trying SOMETHING to grow my comic audience, even though my presence on twitter probably does nothing even close to accomplishing that. Venting here right now makes me feel nothing, no catharsis. Sometimes I get lucky and feel better, but right now I'm just stuck in that same old loop of not getting anything done because I'm sad, then feeling sad that I'm not getting anything done. I vent on twitter, I vent here, I probably alienate friends and potential readers with it all, but I don't know what else to do.
How am I supposed to finish all the comics and stories I want to write and draw in my life if I have to stop and mope for a week between every god damn page? How am I supposed to stay happy when the slightest thing can fire me back into a wormhole of trying not to cry? And don't even get me started on all the anxieties I have that I might someday ruin the only thing in my life right now that truly gives me hope for the future.

Fuck I don't want to cry, I don't want to, it feels miserable and disgusting and it hurts so fucking much but it's like throwing up when you're sick; no matter how much you hate it or how much you try to hold it down and convince yourself you can avoid it, it just stays there until you let yourself fucking die. The pain and anxiety in my chest doesn't let up, I distract myself with games, I distract myself with dinner and a movie, and it just comes right back the second any of it ends. I don't want to cry, but I don't know if this bullshit will go away until I do. Then it's another game of "how long until it comes back".
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Re: Let's Vent

Postby Randumbz » March 24th, 2019, 11:16 am

I can’t believe that I’m going to graduate from college in just a couple of months. I still feel (and look) 15 and it seems like time has been moving so fast. The thing that’s stressing me out the most right now is trying to land a job after I graduate. I’m terrible in interviews and basically have no experience, so this might be tricky. I’m shecudled to take a civil service exam soon but I haven’t been able to study for it because I’ve had an insane amount of schoolwork to deal with the past few weeks. A government job would probably be perfect for me because of how low stress it is and how good the benefits are, but I’ll be shocked if I actually do well on the exam at this point. I’ve changed my mind about what I want to do with my life countless times but for the first time ever I finally have a clear vision of what I want. I can’t work towards that goal unless I land a stable job first and I honestly don’t know how I’ll manage that.

Seven Rain wrote:I'm just a walking pile of depression. I can't go a fucking week feeling happy about anything before I'm dragged back down. I'm overly-sensitive about everything and get overloaded with hurtful shit on social media yet I can't pry myself away from trying SOMETHING to grow my comic audience, even though my presence on twitter probably does nothing even close to accomplishing that. Venting here right now makes me feel nothing, no catharsis. Sometimes I get lucky and feel better, but right now I'm just stuck in that same old loop of not getting anything done because I'm sad, then feeling sad that I'm not getting anything done. I vent on twitter, I vent here, I probably alienate friends and potential readers with it all, but I don't know what else to do.
How am I supposed to finish all the comics and stories I want to write and draw in my life if I have to stop and mope for a week between every god damn page? How am I supposed to stay happy when the slightest thing can fire me back into a wormhole of trying not to cry? And don't even get me started on all the anxieties I have that I might someday ruin the only thing in my life right now that truly gives me hope for the future.

Fuck I don't want to cry, I don't want to, it feels miserable and disgusting and it hurts so fucking much but it's like throwing up when you're sick; no matter how much you hate it or how much you try to hold it down and convince yourself you can avoid it, it just stays there until you let yourself fucking die. The pain and anxiety in my chest doesn't let up, I distract myself with games, I distract myself with dinner and a movie, and it just comes right back the second any of it ends. I don't want to cry, but I don't know if this bullshit will go away until I do. Then it's another game of "how long until it comes back".

I don’t really know what I can say to cheer you up, but I hope that things get better for you in the future. I can kind of relate because there are a lot of things that I’ve wanted to do and the fear of failure has always held me back. I procrastinate all the time because if I don’t get started on my work then I can’t experience failure/rejection. Maybe you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. If you just do what you enjoy then people will be drawn to what you’re making. I don’t read webcomics on SJ that much anymore but I used to enjoy your series. Everyone feels depressed sometimes so just let it happen instead of dreading the thought that the feeling might come back
Spoiler! :
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Re: Let's Vent

Postby Seven Rain » March 24th, 2019, 9:29 pm

I appreciate it my friend, but all the pressure I put on myself just comes from the very existential fear of how much I want to accomplish with my comics and how long it all takes. My biggest fear in the world is dying before I can finish all I want to do. That said my depression comes in such waves and patterns that at this point I'm starting to think more and more that it's a clinical depression or bipolar thing, but going to the doctor to ask about it or trying to take medication is a whole different ball game of anxiety and motivation.
But hearing words of support from SJers always helps me push on, even if I don't think so at first. Not that I'd want to make anyone feel like my moods hinge on my venting getting attention, because in the end it is just venting. Thanks for the kind words.
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Re: Let's Vent

Postby avian-reader » April 19th, 2019, 2:38 pm

eishiya wrote:
Kiki-Wyvern wrote:It's so obvious you're a troll, but it's also really sad that you think it's okay to act like this.

That drama was from 2014, there's no need to dredge it back up. I don't think that user is even on SJ anymore.


Have you seen this kid around with a bad attitude who keeps saying he's a super villain? It's so crazy...


Why am I the one everyone seems to open up to about their secret traumas and personal drama? I know it sounds really shitty, and I am actually happy to be there for people and lend an ear, but sometimes it can get really draining.
Got questions about autism? Feel free to ask :)
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