Why are you pushing this?

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Why are you pushing this?

Postby Vitotamito » April 10th, 2011, 1:40 am

My friend is staying over at my house right now and the topic of "Vito, why don't you, nor have you ever, had a girlfriend?" has been like, the talk of the night.

I don't know how to describe this to them. It's like, I literally don't care. I don't really want one. I haven't met anyone I really like in the least bit in the "Girlfriend" way. I don't really like people in general. So I feel like the whole situation of me and a girlfriend is a silly topic that doesn't need to be addressed. But it is.

He and my other friend were going to go as far as paying for me to have an "E-Harmony" or "Match.com" account. They were bringing up stuff that I guess made sense as to why THEY thought I didn't have a girlfriend. All true things, mind you:

- Shy
- Don't have things to talk about
- Sexual Situations with me would be hilarious.
- Uncomfortable about my body image.

All things that are absolutely true, and are things that have prevented my getting a girlfriend in the past. But at the moment it's just like, I don't think I need another distraction in my life. I'm already working, going to school, and I have an internship.

I don't know where I was going with this now that I've gotten so far into it. I guess I'm kind of uncomfortable with their passion to get me a girlfriend/laid.
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Re: Why are you pushing this?

Postby Mr Aids » April 10th, 2011, 2:00 am

Tell them to mind their own fucking business.

/thread

But yeah, I understand where you're coming from. If you're not looking for a partner you shouldn't be going out of your way to find one. If you meet a great girl in your day to day life, that's good. If not, whatever. Like you said, you're not interested.
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Re: Why are you pushing this?

Postby Guest » April 10th, 2011, 2:43 am

just tell 'em to back off or laugh along and tp their houses when they sleep
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Re: Why are you pushing this?

Postby Guest » April 10th, 2011, 2:51 am

I don't blame you for not caring. I see too many nightmare, abusive relationships. Over here we've got a woman showing up with broken ribs, over here's a guy who isn't allowed to pee standing up, over here's a woman with a husband who disappears for months drinking (and she takes him back every time). It goes on and on, why would you want to be in on it?
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Re: Why are you pushing this?

Postby Guest » April 10th, 2011, 3:02 am

Jeremy Ray wrote: It goes on and on?

and on and oooon
don't stop believing!
hold on to that feeling!..ok i'll stop now
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Re: Why are you pushing this?

Postby corruption » April 10th, 2011, 3:31 am

I understand where you are comming from. I have never had a girlfriend myself. Personnelly I don't really care.

If you try to push yourself into a relationship, it won't work. Just be yourself. If you try to be more outgoing you may find someone you are interested in. However, if you go out seeking them and focusing on the possibility of getting with a girl, then you will not see them as who they truly are, just the aspects you are looking for.

Here is a joke you can use with your friends, if they start joshing you about it, tell them that hey, at least they don't have to worry about competing with you when it comes to picking up.
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Re: Why are you pushing this?

Postby H0lyhandgrenade » April 10th, 2011, 6:15 am

Having a boyfriend is certainly something I've never cared for either. People just gotta gradually get accustomed to the idea that it's not vital that EVERYONE hook up with someone else in order to become complete.
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Re: Why are you pushing this?

Postby FlamingDbag » April 10th, 2011, 6:31 am

If you don't care about it, then you don't care.

That's it. They should respect the fact you don't care and don't even want to be in a situation like that.
It should be straightforward to them...

I mean, before my own bullshit happened, I didn't care either. And I was completely cool with that.
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Re: Why are you pushing this?

Postby xkrazydog » April 10th, 2011, 7:48 am

Ahahaha. I have friends like this too. Who think being in a relationship is the most beautiful fucking thing ever and that everyone should be in it too. It gotten so bad to the point that they make suggestions for me to date THE MOST awful and creepy of people that they KNOW i cant stand. Saying a lame relationship is better than no relationship.

These are moments my friends should be punched in the face honestly. And honestly friends who prod and pry about intimate life (or lack of) should be told to mind their own business.
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Re: Why are you pushing this?

Postby KonaTobennh » April 10th, 2011, 9:14 am

I also wish to go at my own pace at dating. I know someone who's been through a few girlfriends, and he'll always be moody once they break up. I don't want the drama, nor do I wish my friends cope up with my crippling depression.

Not to mention that I would probably be a bad boyfriend to the ones that people are hooking me up with.
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Re: Why are you pushing this?

Postby stripedwine » April 10th, 2011, 12:10 pm

xkrazydog wrote:Ahahaha. I have friends like this too. Who think being in a relationship is the most beautiful fucking thing ever and that everyone should be in it too. It gotten so bad to the point that they make suggestions for me to date THE MOST awful and creepy of people that they KNOW i cant stand. Saying a lame relationship is better than no relationship.

These are moments my friends should be punched in the face honestly. And honestly friends who prod and pry about intimate life (or lack of) should be told to mind their own business.


I hear Jason and Christina are looking for a third

BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS it just isn't a priority for some people. Also, with the growing asexual movement, people should start getting used to the fact that some folks just aren't fulfilled by relationships in the same way that others are. I get both sides of the fence-- for years I didn't understand it at all, didn't care, whatever. And then out of nowhere I started talking to some dude on DA about fandom, and now... we've got marriage plans. Sometimes things just happen. Sometimes people like to be aggressive about it and actively pursue romance, and sometimes people don't. Sometimes people actively avoid it, like me, until they get into a friendship that starts turning into way more without me even knowing it. (In fact, it's a known fact that had he never pointed out the building attraction between us in those early days, I would have never seen a relationship coming.)

YMMV.
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Re: Why are you pushing this?

Postby ejcoletta » April 10th, 2011, 2:22 pm

You should actually be the norm, Vito. It's your friends who are weird--culturally typical, unfortunately, but you're probably healthier and happier because of your attitude.

Most people are very casual about relationships and sex. The norm is to be in a relationship, no matter if you are happy in that relationship, no matter if that relationship has any chance of lasting. But really, I think your attitude towards dating and sex is healthier--you are your own person, whole and functional by yourself. You probably have hobbies to fill your time. So you're probably good at something and interesting.

Odds are, one day you will fall in love. And not because you had to fill the void--because you found someone who shares the same interests and values as you. And guess what? You won't have any baggage for any ex's, or hang-ups because you had a bad experience--you will be able to give the best of yourself to your future someone special. All these people who are poking and prodding at you that you don't hook up will envy your rock-solid relationship because it was built on mutual respect, not bullshit.

My college roomie didn't become interested in love or sex until she was 28. She refused to date someone if she wasn't in love. While her "friends" mercilessly teased her and tried to coax her into coming out as a lesbian (they really couldn't fathom an happy celibate girl so they thought she was in the closet) she remained dateless. Now she's in the relationship of her dreams with a man she finds attractive, funny, hard-working and shares her interests. And I never imagined her ever dating. She really, really, really wasn't interested in sex, even in her mid twenties. She wasn't a prude--she just wouldn't put herself out there for someone she felt like she was "settling" for. Now I'm in her wedding party as one of her brides maids. So there.
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Re: Why are you pushing this?

Postby Charil » April 10th, 2011, 2:35 pm

Mr Aids wrote:Tell them to mind their own fucking business.


Yeah, that basically.

Really, relationships aren't what they're made out to be, because everyone has a different idea of how they should work. It's not all glowy and magical all the time. It's work. A lot of hard, frustrating work. If you don't care, then you don't care, and they need to back off and let you alone with it.

I've actually dated quite a bit myself, and I've gotten so fed up with the bullshit aspect of it all that for now (and for probably a very long time), I don't want anything to do with it. I just don't care right now. I don't think I cared to begin with. There are so many things I'd rather spend my time and effort on than dating. Actually I read, of all things, a novel that put my philosophy into better words than I ever could.

"Hell, I don't even want to date. Hate dealing with other people's crap. Takes time away from me."

I guess what I'm saying is you're not the only one who doesn't care and you need to tell your friend to back off and let you handle it.
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Re: Why are you pushing this?

Postby Gibson Twist » April 10th, 2011, 2:45 pm

I'm just gonna put this out there...if they want to pay you to sign up for a dating site, brother, do it. You don't actually have to go on any dates.

Every relationship I've been in before this one, I spent most of the time wishing it would end. Of course, I usually waited for her to dump me so I wouldn't be tagged with break-up, so they always dragged on longer than they should have. Break-up guilt is evil shit. Relationships themselves are messy, even the good ones most of the time.

You don't have to be in a relationship to have sex. Television and Jesus might want you to think otherwise, but they lie. The desire to have sex is in us all, and the worst thing we can think is that we need to be tied to someone by the genitals to have it. That's what leads to people getting married before they're ready to people they don't really want to be with. Sometimes it works out, most of the time it leads to misery and divorce.

Vito, I respect your choices and your reasons for choosing them, as long as those reasons you listed aren't keeping you from wanting anything. You should know, I'm sure you do, that people are always going to give you shit for doing things they don't understand, or really anything different from what they believe. You could learn to ignore it or not care when they talk shit, or you could tell them to back the fuck off, or you could tell them you like to bang guys and invite them for another sleepover.

Keep this in mind, though...your friends are gonna get some girl pregnant and that's it for them, while you'll still be able to party the shit out of your 20s. High five!
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Re: Why are you pushing this?

Postby robybang » April 10th, 2011, 3:28 pm

I don't get the obsession either. Luckily, none of my friends are relationship obsessed because they had bad experiences with past girlfriends, so I haven't had to deal with this. But my sister's in a relationship, and though she's with a real nice guy and all, she's kind become dependent on him. She won't study for classes except with him, she's lost touch with some of her other friends, and she's always talking to him. Whether on the phone, in person, on Skype, IM, sometimes more than one on the same day. I'm sure not all relationships are like that, but it seems like too much time and effort for me for now. Hell, I hang out with friends about once a month or so; spending every day going out or talking with a date is unfathomable.
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