post traumatic stress

A board designated for discussion of personal issues.
Forum rules
Due to the often sensitive nature of the discussions occurring in Life Issues, we ask that you be particularly considerate and respectful toward posters here. Violation of this request will be considered a violation of the rules.

post traumatic stress

Postby Antitime » April 11th, 2011, 9:56 pm

ok, so I ask you not to judge this woman for being unprofessional in telling me all this. I've had her class for four separate semesters, and she's helped me through difficult times where I've been hospitalized and mentally ill, and when all of my other teachers laugh me off as 'anime' she calls me brilliant and tells me I'm edgy and would fit right in in New York and always offers insight on how to improve. I just feel like I have to get this off my chest and tell someone, because it's a lot for me to handle, and I'm worried sick.

said teacher always brings lots of materials and books to class to help her students, so I always help her clean up at the end of the day because no one else will. She's the nicest woman, really beautiful and only 39, but her husband died five years ago of an untimely heart attack. Before that, she witnessed 9-11 firsthand, and both events have left this traumatic mark on her where she thinks she should be dead and her husband alive/thinks about people jumping from buildings and these Asian tourists she was going to give directions before the second tower collapsed but then they walked away (oddly specific, but understandable) Since I study psychology in my spare time i immediately could tell this woman has post traumatic stress, and told her she needs to get help.
I know I'm not qualified as a student to do anything for her, but i feel like I'm helpless and watching her life fall apart. She's married to this guy and still loves her dead husband, he's a deadbeat with anger problems who doesn't work, and she feels like she doesn't fit in in this school, which is why we've connected so deeply.

All I can do is encourage her to get help and seek counseling, but I'm worried that between her working freelance and teaching and acting like the world is sunshine and butterflies to her students, she might burn out before this summer. She's been OK until now, but what do you guys think?

When I was really sick and to the point of self harm, my friend called my mom and told her to get the hell down and sign me up for a psychiatric ward. but her parents are in denial/she's too old to really rely on them, and she's putting off going to get help, even though she keeps saying she's this far away from thinking her life is worthless.

She's really a good person and deserves better than this. I realize it's not my responsibility, but as someone who's been there and bounced back, I can't help but want to help.
Image
The_Hankerchief wrote:Why choose when you can have 'em all? That's right, I'm talking about a Smack Jeeves Orgy!
User avatar
Antitime
 
Posts: 616
Joined: June 21st, 2007, 7:36 pm

Re: post traumatic stress

Postby Gibson Twist » April 11th, 2011, 10:20 pm

The darkest times in my life, the thing I needed most was a friend who looked out for me and encouraged me. Be that. Do that.
User avatar
Gibson Twist
 
Posts: 1742
Joined: August 13th, 2006, 9:38 pm
Location: Lost

Re: post traumatic stress

Postby Antitime » April 11th, 2011, 10:26 pm

thanks, Gibson. I will do that, and I think that and encouraging her are about all i can do.
Image
The_Hankerchief wrote:Why choose when you can have 'em all? That's right, I'm talking about a Smack Jeeves Orgy!
User avatar
Antitime
 
Posts: 616
Joined: June 21st, 2007, 7:36 pm

Re: post traumatic stress

Postby Gibson Twist » April 11th, 2011, 10:31 pm

Don't think of it as all you can do. It's a lot. It sounds like she's reaching out to you a bit, for someone to talk and listen with her. People really underestimate how important that is, how rare it is for someone to care genuinely about the weird shit that floats around our brains. Our society sees that as a weakness and tends to mock it more than anything. Doesn't sound like she has many other people that give much of a shit, so you might be the most important person in her world for the time that you share.
User avatar
Gibson Twist
 
Posts: 1742
Joined: August 13th, 2006, 9:38 pm
Location: Lost

Re: post traumatic stress

Postby Antitime » April 11th, 2011, 10:38 pm

Thanks for putting it that way. I think she sees me as a reflection of her, as someone who has had a lot of problems but overcome them. So I kept saying "would you say I'm worthless? You're exactly where I was a year ago" and I think that made her feel better because she has someone who knows how she feels. I feel terrible that she feels like she has no one, because she's an awesome lady. But like me, she prefers to keep to herself and her cats, and doesn't have many friends so I think you're right, this is obviously important to her.
Image
The_Hankerchief wrote:Why choose when you can have 'em all? That's right, I'm talking about a Smack Jeeves Orgy!
User avatar
Antitime
 
Posts: 616
Joined: June 21st, 2007, 7:36 pm

Re: post traumatic stress

Postby Gibson Twist » April 11th, 2011, 10:56 pm

I can think of worse people to lean on than you.
User avatar
Gibson Twist
 
Posts: 1742
Joined: August 13th, 2006, 9:38 pm
Location: Lost

Re: post traumatic stress

Postby Antitime » April 11th, 2011, 11:03 pm

That means a lot, really. i feel like I can better deal with this, and will continue to encourage her.
Image
The_Hankerchief wrote:Why choose when you can have 'em all? That's right, I'm talking about a Smack Jeeves Orgy!
User avatar
Antitime
 
Posts: 616
Joined: June 21st, 2007, 7:36 pm

Re: post traumatic stress

Postby reverendjack » April 11th, 2011, 11:10 pm

^everything Gibson said.

also, you wouldn't know this much about her unless she trusted you a LOT. otherwise, you'd get the same "life is beautiful" act that all of the other students see. maybe she lets her guard down around you because it would be pointless to keep it up around you. you're obviously pretty insightful. you also empathize with her, and she recognizes that.
getting help is really just another way of saying she needs someone to talk to - and *qualified* or not, you're helping her a lot as it is. and i'm sure you'd know if she needs more than someone to talk to.
Image
A Faustian tale, or the story of a crazy woman.

uglyfun wrote:everything is always better with lesbians
User avatar
reverendjack
 
Posts: 826
Joined: November 27th, 2010, 4:45 pm

Re: post traumatic stress

Postby corruption » April 12th, 2011, 4:05 am

I think the reason she acts like everything is fine is because she is trying to fool herself. That self deception is her shealter. Without it she would have to face how terrible she feels.

The deadbeat you mentioned she is married to? It sounds to me like she married him because it is part of her self delusion, and trying to convince herself she is happily married.

She is in denial of how bad she feels. Some day the facade will crack, and when it does, well let's just hope the psych wards are not too crowded for one more. Hopefully the ruin of her delusion will be slow, giving her time to adapt and come to terms to with things, instead of quickly, shattering her mind as it has to face the destruction of almost all it considers to be true.

One thing you can to to make the destruction of her denials a slow thing that is easier to handle is to point out small flaws in the decption that she will have to think about. However, be careful if you do this, as you do not know what will happen once this starts.
We are all corrupt in our own ways
User avatar
corruption
 
Posts: 1080
Joined: January 20th, 2008, 7:51 pm

Re: post traumatic stress

Postby stripedwine » April 12th, 2011, 9:17 am

corruption wrote:I think the reason she acts like everything is fine is because she is trying to fool herself. That self deception is her shealter. Without it she would have to face how terrible she feels.

The deadbeat you mentioned she is married to? It sounds to me like she married him because it is part of her self delusion, and trying to convince herself she is happily married.

She is in denial of how bad she feels. Some day the facade will crack, and when it does, well let's just hope the psych wards are not too crowded for one more. Hopefully the ruin of her delusion will be slow, giving her time to adapt and come to terms to with things, instead of quickly, shattering her mind as it has to face the destruction of almost all it considers to be true.

One thing you can to to make the destruction of her denials a slow thing that is easier to handle is to point out small flaws in the decption that she will have to think about. However, be careful if you do this, as you do not know what will happen once this starts.


Wow, what a fuckwad you are. 14 year olds shouldn't be allowed to touch subjects like this with a 10 foot pole. Go away.
Image
(Especially likes the gay robot porn.)

Image

I left my ♥ in Vancouver.
User avatar
stripedwine
 
Posts: 2154
Joined: January 13th, 2008, 9:17 pm
Location: Kuiper Belt

Re: post traumatic stress

Postby Antitime » April 12th, 2011, 9:53 am

reverendjack wrote:^everything Gibson said.

also, you wouldn't know this much about her unless she trusted you a LOT. otherwise, you'd get the same "life is beautiful" act that all of the other students see. maybe she lets her guard down around you because it would be pointless to keep it up around you. you're obviously pretty insightful. you also empathize with her, and she recognizes that.
getting help is really just another way of saying she needs someone to talk to - and *qualified* or not, you're helping her a lot as it is. and i'm sure you'd know if she needs more than someone to talk to.

you're totally right, and I am the kind of person who empathizes easily, which is probably why she felt she could open up to me. However, I am also wary that she could be exaggerating or irrational (I mean, she's obviously irrational either way) so I'm on my guard about the situation, but I will still do everything I can to make her feel better. I met her current husband and he doesn't deny the validity of anything she says, and she is a genuinely kind person, so I doubt she is lying, but I still want to make sure I don't get sucked into anything.


corruption wrote:I think the reason she acts like everything is fine is because she is trying to fool herself. That self deception is her shealter. Without it she would have to face how terrible she feels.

The deadbeat you mentioned she is married to? It sounds to me like she married him because it is part of her self delusion, and trying to convince herself she is happily married.

She is in denial of how bad she feels. Some day the facade will crack, and when it does, well let's just hope the psych wards are not too crowded for one more. Hopefully the ruin of her delusion will be slow, giving her time to adapt and come to terms to with things, instead of quickly, shattering her mind as it has to face the destruction of almost all it considers to be true.

One thing you can to to make the destruction of her denials a slow thing that is easier to handle is to point out small flaws in the decption that she will have to think about. However, be careful if you do this, as you do not know what will happen once this starts.


that was a bit weird. I appreciate the sentiments, but I wasn't really asking for a psychoanalysis of her, just for advice for how I can help within reason.

I really appreciate the advice you guys gave, and your encouragement. I will try my best to be a friend that she can confide in. She may be my teacher, but she is a person first and foremost.
Image
The_Hankerchief wrote:Why choose when you can have 'em all? That's right, I'm talking about a Smack Jeeves Orgy!
User avatar
Antitime
 
Posts: 616
Joined: June 21st, 2007, 7:36 pm

Re: post traumatic stress

Postby corruption » April 13th, 2011, 2:37 am

stripedwine wrote:
Wow, what a fuckwad you are. 14 year olds shouldn't be allowed to touch subjects like this with a 10 foot pole. Go away.


What gives you idea I am 14?

Antitime wrote:
that was a bit weird. I appreciate the sentiments, but I wasn't really asking for a psychoanalysis of her, just for advice for how I can help within reason.


To be able to help her, it is good to be able to understand her. I am no expert, just a very twisted wacko. If you understand her, you can understand how to help her, and what dangers there are for her. To act without understanding what is wrong can make things worse.
We are all corrupt in our own ways
User avatar
corruption
 
Posts: 1080
Joined: January 20th, 2008, 7:51 pm

Re: post traumatic stress

Postby blankd » April 13th, 2011, 3:03 am

corruption wrote:
Antitime wrote:that was a bit weird. I appreciate the sentiments, but I wasn't really asking for a psychoanalysis of her, just for advice for how I can help within reason.

To be able to help her, it is good to be able to understand her. I am no expert, just a very twisted wacko. If you understand her, you can understand how to help her, and what dangers there are for her. To act without understanding what is wrong can make things worse.

If you think of yourself as a "twisted wacko" perhaps you shouldn't be offering advice.

Back on topic: Is there any way you can prove the husband is being a deadbeat? If you can get any evidence at all you should report it as soon as possible. Also (though you sound like you're already doing this) you may want to look into more people who can help. I realize times are tough but there is bound to be affordable (or even free!) ways to help her. You may also already be stressed/busy as it is, but if you can help her or as your family to help you, you may be able to make more progress with helping her cope.

Regardless, best of luck and may she find peace soon.
SuperBiasedMan wrote:Just because you've proven something blankd doesn't mean I have to believe it.

Image Image
User avatar
blankd
 
Posts: 3684
Joined: January 28th, 2010, 12:43 am
Location: computer

Re: post traumatic stress

Postby Antitime » April 13th, 2011, 10:56 am

blankd wrote:
corruption wrote:
Antitime wrote:that was a bit weird. I appreciate the sentiments, but I wasn't really asking for a psychoanalysis of her, just for advice for how I can help within reason.

To be able to help her, it is good to be able to understand her. I am no expert, just a very twisted wacko. If you understand her, you can understand how to help her, and what dangers there are for her. To act without understanding what is wrong can make things worse.

If you think of yourself as a "twisted wacko" perhaps you shouldn't be offering advice.

Back on topic: Is there any way you can prove the husband is being a deadbeat? If you can get any evidence at all you should report it as soon as possible. Also (though you sound like you're already doing this) you may want to look into more people who can help. I realize times are tough but there is bound to be affordable (or even free!) ways to help her. You may also already be stressed/busy as it is, but if you can help her or as your family to help you, you may be able to make more progress with helping her cope.

Regardless, best of luck and may she find peace soon.


Thanks. Her husband hasn't done anything like hit her yet, but she's worried it might start soon. But like I said, she also has an element of irrationality to her, and I've met her husband several times, he's always been nice and just seems like a big hippie. But of course, looks can be deceiving. I'm not going to count anything as a lie because the last thing you want to do is doubt someone who could be on the verge of self-destructive behavior. So in all honesty, I'm just going to keep helping her after class and see if I can convince her to go to therapy.
Image
The_Hankerchief wrote:Why choose when you can have 'em all? That's right, I'm talking about a Smack Jeeves Orgy!
User avatar
Antitime
 
Posts: 616
Joined: June 21st, 2007, 7:36 pm

Re: post traumatic stress

Postby stripedwine » April 14th, 2011, 9:18 am

corruption wrote:What gives you idea I am 14?


It would be sad if you were any older.

Again: you're not really fit to give advice on this issue, or really any issue posted in this forum. I could go into a big long shpeal about psycho-analyzing you using your first post, but I'm not because it wouldn't be appropriate.

Antitime, Gibs basically has it right. Good luck.
Image
(Especially likes the gay robot porn.)

Image

I left my ♥ in Vancouver.
User avatar
stripedwine
 
Posts: 2154
Joined: January 13th, 2008, 9:17 pm
Location: Kuiper Belt

Next

Return to Life Issues

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 7 guests