Ugh why is this

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Ugh why is this

Postby Tailsgod » October 9th, 2011, 3:34 pm

okay so over the past few years I've been attracted to and liked several girls.
Now I'm not the best looking guy but I'm FAR from unattractive and recently my face has really grown in and my body has matured to a less lanky and more well attractive stature.
I'm smart, a bunch of people find me funny, I am polite, and sometimes and ass but always properly and will apologize immensly if I ever offend anyone.
So can someone tell me why in gods name I can't get a date to save my life!
Now I'm a senior in highschool and I've never been on one date, I've asked out a bunch of girls but all have been no's. It sucks.
It bothers me that assholes in my schools get dates like three times a week and every time I turn around another girl says "Aw you're so sweet" or "Your like the brother I never had" or BEST of all "Too bad your gay" which then leads into "Oh your not, oh cool your like my straight gay best friend"

sigh

I don't understand it i really don't. Now according to all my college friends they say, "it gets better in college", and "Girls are stupid in highschool"
but why is that.
Why is it that when I ask one girl out she says "oh i'm not allowed to date" but when my BEST FUCKING FRIEND asks the girl out she says "Oh yes" (yeah I'm not good friends with him anymore, especially since he claims he doesn't know why it hurt me that he did that, but found the need to hide it from me for about a month and a half)

So the question is, why do girls always go for the assholes?
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Re: Ugh why is this

Postby phoenixgem » October 9th, 2011, 4:59 pm

Tailsgod wrote: So the question is, why do girls always go for the assholes?

Why do guys always go for the bitches and whores?

Generalising statments aside, there are honestly way too many factors to give a straight answer to those questions. Now take what I have to say with a pinch of salt because i've been dateless in my 16 years of living and I'm alittle bitter and probably a little biased, not gunna lie ;).

First and foremost however how many of the relationships (I assume your looking for a relationship and not just one off dates) with these "assholes" last? since in general relationships in highschool don't last, adding a asshole to the mix only shortens the realtionships lifespan. and in highschool that's fine ok seriously and that is one of the reasons why girls and guys can easily (and sometimes stupidly as your college friends mentioned) go for the jerks, because in highschool it doesn't matter and by that I mean there's minimal risk, you hardly have to think about whether or not your going to start a actual life with this person you just go for what you want and not what you need.(becuase lets face it, if there little risk 9 times out of 10 your going to indulge yourself a little.) When you get older you discover what you want and what you need in a relationship are two differnt things, and go find what you need, because you can't aford/won't waste your time with assholes.
That being said people mature at diffenrt rate and the world is full of stupid people of all ages (and I really do stress this), so hang in there even when you hit college and above, if you're as smart, nice and funny as you say you'll find someone.

oh you can also call the whole opposites attract on this issue, or the fact they might not actually be assholes (or bitches and whores in my case) rockin hot bods come into play alot aswell... too many factors man, too many factors..


tl;dr: you don't know what you want in highschool in regards to relationships (or life in general) and you're free to try anything, as you get older and experience life you know what you want from a relationship and you go for it. So keep your chin up lad and wait for the right girl to relise your the right guy for her.
Last edited by phoenixgem on October 9th, 2011, 5:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Ugh why is this

Postby SuperBiasedMan » October 9th, 2011, 5:09 pm

My simple response to this:
Do you really want to go out with someone who's foolish enough to go for assholes?
Snuffan and on a separate occasion, my dad wrote:"don´t be a girls who needs a man, be the girl a man need"

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Re: Ugh why is this

Postby Tailsgod » October 9th, 2011, 5:17 pm

SuperBiasedMan wrote:My simple response to this:
Do you really want to go out with someone who's foolish enough to go for assholes?


Haha, I did, and i regret liking most of them, at this point I'm just wondering why they all seem to in my school.

phoenixgem wrote:
Tailsgod wrote: So the question is, why do girls always go for the assholes?

Why do guys always go for the bitches and whores?

Generalising statments aside, there are honestly way too many factors to give a straight answer to those questions. Now take what I have to say with a pinch of salt because i've been dateless in my 16 years of living and I'm alittle bitter and probably a little biased, not gunna lie ;).

First and foremost however how many of the relationships (I assume your looking for a relationship and not just one off dates) with these "assholes" last? since in general relationships in highschool don't last, adding a asshole to the mix only shortens the realtionships lifespan. and in highschool that's fine ok seriously and that is one of the reasons why girls and guys can easily (and sometimes stupidly as your college friends mentioned) go for the jerks, because in highschool it doesn't matter and by that I mean there's minimal risk, you hardly have to think about whether or not your going to start a actual life with this person you just go for what you want and not what you need.(becuase lets face it, if there little risk 9 times out of 10 your going to indulge yourself a little.) When you get older you discover what you want and what you need in a relationship are two differnt things, and go find what you need, because you can't aford/won't waste your time with assholes.
That being said people mature at diffenrt rate and the world is full of stupid people of all ages (and I really do stress this), so hang in there even when you hit college and above, if you're as smart, nice and funny as you say you'll find someone.

oh you can also call the whole opposites attract on this issue, or the fact they might not actually be assholes (or bitches and whores in my case) rockin hot bods come into play alot aswell... too many factors man, too many factors..


tl;dr: you don't know what you want in highschool in regards to relationships (or life in general) and you're free to try anything, as you get older and experience life you know what you want from a relationship and you go for it. So keep your chin up lad and wait for the right girl to relise your the right guy for her.


Thanks and usually about two weeks each, except the best friend one thats still going but hey they are both assholes who get whatever they want when they ask for it so they at least have something to talk about haha.
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Re: Ugh why is this

Postby Guest » October 9th, 2011, 5:23 pm

Maybe it's a good thing. You're still young afterall and not being in a relationship makes your future far less constricted.

As for why they go for assholes, a lot of girls (at any age) tend to have the "I can fix him" mentality. They think under all the asshole-ness is a heart of gold and some sort of emotional ball of angst that is crying out for love and attention with their actions. Atleast thats how all my friends who date assholes seem to think.
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Re: Ugh why is this

Postby redandblack64 » October 9th, 2011, 5:34 pm

SuperBiasedMan wrote:My simple response to this:
Do you really want to go out with someone who's foolish enough to go for assholes?

Hmm, I think another question to ask is are you looking for a relationship or are just trying to get laid? If it's the latter, then the next question to ask is if they're worth the trouble, especially since they're dumb enough to date assholes.

EDIT: Read the above post. I forgot about the "saving the world, one guy at a time" types of girls. Huh.
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Re: Ugh why is this

Postby mitchellbravo » October 9th, 2011, 5:34 pm

Ask more girls out.

You'll eventually find someone that fits your interests and is attracted to you.

It took me a long time to get good at flirting with people, and with that was packaged the ability to put the move on people.

Do me a favor, though. Don't try to get to know people "as friends" before you decide to put the move on them. Then it starts to get to where you have ulterior motives for being friends with people. Flirt with acquaintances you might be interested in dating, and then ask them out. They say no, you haven't lost a friend, and it isn't late enough in the relationship to make it awkward or bar you from talking to them anymore.

Also, not everybody shares the same idea of "good looking." People have different tastes. Just keep doing your thing, you'll find people who appreciate it. I swear on this. My eyes are crossed and I get action, so it's just a matter of confidence and finding people you have mutual chemistry with.
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Re: Ugh why is this

Postby SuperBiasedMan » October 9th, 2011, 6:01 pm

Tailsgod wrote:
SuperBiasedMan wrote:My simple response to this:
Do you really want to go out with someone who's foolish enough to go for assholes?


Haha, I did, and i regret liking most of them, at this point I'm just wondering why they all seem to in my school.


All is a deceptive word here. The ones who aren't like this are quite possibly just fading into the background a bit and not as obvious to you as these other girls. Maybe try looking specifically for a different kind of girl you'd like to the ones you've been approaching until now and see what you can find.
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Re: Ugh why is this

Postby xkrazydog » October 10th, 2011, 9:19 am

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Re: Ugh why is this

Postby mitchellbravo » October 10th, 2011, 10:16 am

Ohhhh that dreadful song.
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Re: Ugh why is this

Postby V.G.A » October 10th, 2011, 10:53 am

The Only Thing I Can Say Is:You Keep Asking The Wrong Girls
Just Like SuperBiasedMan Said
My simple response to this:
Do you really want to go out with someone who's foolish enough to go for assholes?

(I Personally Find These Girls Immature :/)
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Re: Ugh why is this

Postby KirbyHead » October 10th, 2011, 2:52 pm

1.) Dating isn't that crucial.Trust me on that. I know way too many people who fall out of relationships and jump into new ones within the span of a week. I don't consider them "lucky" just because they can score new boyfriends/girlfriends easily. I feel kind of bad for them, because it seems like it's difficult for them to keep a relationship together. My best advice would be, "Learn how to be an individual before you learn to be with another person."

2.) Ever heard of "Nice Guy Syndrome"? You're balancing near the edge of it with your "why do all girls date jerks" thing. It's understandable you feel this way when you're young, but try to make sure you don't grow up thinking that way. Like phoenixgem said, I could counter with "why do all guys only date airheaded bimbos" and then we'd spiral off into some huge war of generalizations. The gist of it is that girls will date who they want to date, so you might as well put the energy you spend on lamenting about it to good use and just keep looking.

mitchellbravo wrote:Do me a favor, though. Don't try to get to know people "as friends" before you decide to put the move on them. Then it starts to get to where you have ulterior motives for being friends with people. Flirt with acquaintances you might be interested in dating, and then ask them out. They say no, you haven't lost a friend, and it isn't late enough in the relationship to make it awkward or bar you from talking to them anymore.

3.) If you want a lasting relationship, it helps to actually be friends with the person you're going out with. Just "dating" an unknown is fine, but I think it's better to focus on take steps toward being friends within the dating process if you want to progress to "relationship" status.

Spoiler! :
Maybe it's just me, but I'd prefer to actually know someone before putting the moves on them (or vice-versa). If I had a choice between the absurdly hot stranger I just met, and the moderately-attractive guy I've known for a while, I'd choose the moderately-attractive friend every time. I like to know what I'm getting into. (It helps if you aren't doing it for ulterior motives and you actually start out as friends, obviously, but you obviously can't plan for those things.) I'm saying this because the relationships I've seen last the longest have been the ones where the couple started out as friends and then eventually decided they wanted to be more than that.
I guess this is kind of heavy relationship advice for high school. You can kind of disregard it until you're actually looking for something long-term.
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Re: Ugh why is this

Postby SuperBiasedMan » October 10th, 2011, 3:48 pm

KirbyHead wrote:
mitchellbravo wrote:Do me a favor, though. Don't try to get to know people "as friends" before you decide to put the move on them. Then it starts to get to where you have ulterior motives for being friends with people. Flirt with acquaintances you might be interested in dating, and then ask them out. They say no, you haven't lost a friend, and it isn't late enough in the relationship to make it awkward or bar you from talking to them anymore.

3.) If you want a lasting relationship, it helps to actually be friends with the person you're going out with. Just "dating" an unknown is fine, but I think it's better to focus on take steps toward being friends within the dating process if you want to progress to "relationship" status.

Spoiler! :
Maybe it's just me, but I'd prefer to actually know someone before putting the moves on them (or vice-versa). If I had a choice between the absurdly hot stranger I just met, and the moderately-attractive guy I've known for a while, I'd choose the moderately-attractive friend every time. I like to know what I'm getting into. (It helps if you aren't doing it for ulterior motives and you actually start out as friends, obviously, but you obviously can't plan for those things.) I'm saying this because the relationships I've seen last the longest have been the ones where the couple started out as friends and then eventually decided they wanted to be more than that.


I think mitchellbravo's advice applies if you're getting to know someone that you'd have no interest in other than dating.
The test is, if you like spending time with them even as friends (but maybe also like the idea of being more) then you could be friends with them a while first to get to know them better.
However if you're viewing them purely as a possible girlfriend and not interested in being friends, then going friends first is NOT the way to do thing.
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Re: Ugh why is this

Postby mitchellbravo » October 10th, 2011, 7:52 pm

Yeah, SBM explained it pretty well. I was alluding to the Nice Guy syndrome you actually mentioned, KirbyHead, but didn't feel like opening up that can of worms because I didn't think I could do it quickly enough that it wouldn't explode into a derail. Nothing wrong with getting to know someone (in general), because you kind of have to do that. There's a way you go about getting to know people that you want to be friends with- it's different when that gets mixed in with flirting with someone you're interested in with more than that. Part of maturing with regards to relationships is learning how to differentiate between the two.
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Re: Ugh why is this

Postby KirbyHead » October 11th, 2011, 3:50 am

SuperBiasedMan wrote:I think mitchellbravo's advice applies if you're getting to know someone that you'd have no interest in other than dating.
The test is, if you like spending time with them even as friends (but maybe also like the idea of being more) then you could be friends with them a while first to get to know them better.
However if you're viewing them purely as a possible girlfriend and not interested in being friends, then going friends first is NOT the way to do thing.

Honestly, wanting someone as a steady boyfriend/girlfriend but not wanting to be actual friends is completely foreign to me. I think I just view dating/relationships in an entirely different light. But I didn't pursue relationships in high school (or now), so I'm obviously not an expert on the matter. So if approaching someone without the intentions of friendship apparently works, then go for it, I guess.
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