Jurassic Waste

Jurassic Waste

Postby Vitotamito » June 16th, 2015, 12:51 am

Hey guys, let's talk about Jurassic World and how disappointing it was! I went in with subterranean expectations, so it at least was better than that. But it was still absolute garbage, rubbitsh, trash, insulting, pandering, stupid, illogical, unsuspenseful, bi-polar, and weird.

Chris Pratt was fine, but every other character was either a broken record, or a bi-polar mess. I never felt like the I-Rex was ever that dangerous to the main characters. When the storyline of "Chris Pratt trained and befriended Raptors" is more compelling than any other arc in the entire movie, it's probably going to be a shit show.

Despite all of this, however. It did have 2/3 of what a Jurassic Park movie SHOULD have in it. Kid-Appeal, and Dinosaurs. It lacked Science though. Nothing made sense scientifically.

Thoughts? Did anyone like it so I can tear down their reality and replace it with my own?
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Re: Jurassic Waste

Postby Squirreltastic-Blue » June 21st, 2015, 4:15 pm

I'm not much of a movie squirrel, but the only real issue that stuck with me when I had watched the movie was
Spoiler! :
the young boy mentions a potential divorce between his parents and this is never addressed again. Is like... why bring it up at all?
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Re: Jurassic Waste

Postby chinsuru » June 21st, 2015, 9:18 pm

Squirreltastic-Blue wrote:I'm not much of a movie squirrel, but the only real issue that stuck with me when I had watched the movie was
Spoiler! :
the young boy mentions a potential divorce between his parents and this is never addressed again. Is like... why bring it up at all?

I feel the same way. Also, I felt like once Christ Patt came into the picture, the boys' development sorta "disappeared" lol.
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Re: Jurassic Waste

Postby thexeternal » June 23rd, 2015, 3:03 pm

I wasn't really that critical of the movie. To be honest, I thought it was amazing and I will probably see it in theaters eight more times. It irked me that
Spoiler! :
Claire ran around in heels the entire time - like seriously, is that the only way you know how to show that a woman is powerful? Come on
but that was it. I loved this movie from the bottom of my heart. Maybe I'm biased because I love dinosaurs (I LOVE DINOSAURS). I'm wowed that you didn't like it so much!

Also please don't make it your goal to tear down my lofty thoughts of the movie. That's kinda rude lol.
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Re: Jurassic Waste

Postby Vitotamito » June 25th, 2015, 2:53 am

thexeternal wrote:I wasn't really that critical of the movie. To be honest, I thought it was amazing and I will probably see it in theaters eight more times. It irked me that
Spoiler! :
Claire ran around in heels the entire time - like seriously, is that the only way you know how to show that a woman is powerful? Come on
but that was it. I loved this movie from the bottom of my heart. Maybe I'm biased because I love dinosaurs (I LOVE DINOSAURS). I'm wowed that you didn't like it so much!

Also please don't make it your goal to tear down my lofty thoughts of the movie. That's kinda rude lol.


Not at all! It's been an eye-opening experience that peoples' love of dinosaurs is so big that it trumps most other things in the movie. I mean, it's currently sitting at a 71% on Rotten Tomatoes, so obviously the movie did things right. I just always thought people loved the original Jurassic Park because it mixed the wonder of dinosaurs with complex scientific discussions about Chaos Theory and playing god and ethics.
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Re: Jurassic Waste

Postby Seven Rain » June 25th, 2015, 10:21 am

Vitotamito wrote:complex scientific discussions about Chaos Theory and playing god and ethics.

It's... Been a while since I've watched any of those movies, but... Was this really prominent at all? I was under the impression that it was always about the dinosaurs, and that there were few other redeeming features of the movies aside from some cool actors and directing or whatever.
Spoiler! :
Unless you're being heavily sarcastic here, but you also seem to be rather sarcastically snide towards the other side of the coin. You tryin' to 1-Up gun as our local cynic, homie?
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Re: Jurassic Waste

Postby KirbyHead » June 25th, 2015, 10:38 am

I-I enjoyed it... but I'm not a huge Jurassic Park fan so I didn't really go in comparing it to the previous movies.
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Re: Jurassic Waste

Postby thexeternal » June 25th, 2015, 11:19 pm

Vitotamito wrote:I just always thought people loved the original Jurassic Park


The original JP is still my favorite movie in the entire world and it always will be (and I would like to say that everyone who liked JW is also still a huge fan of JP (I hope that's accurate heh)), but I was just really, really impressed with how they handled Jurassic World. I mean, especially when you consider how Lost World and JP3 turned out, lol. JP finally has a good sequel!

I didn't really go into the movie expecting realistic science. I mean, I don't go into any movie expecting realistic science. So, for me, I got entirely what I expected - Hollywood "Science-Magically-Works-This-Way-AU"-Science. And for the duration of the movie, it made me believe in the setting, so I was happy. :)

Let's face it - it's hard for any movie to take us on an adventure like the one Jurassic Park did. That's a really high bar. I personally thought JW came quite close.
Spoiler! :
I MEAN HOLY CHRIST BLUE AND THAT T-REX TEAMIN' UP THAT WAS SO INCREDIBLE MY HEART SANG AND AAAASAHHGJUUEHVSGUWTUIBVHAFAFFPPTT THAT ALONE WAS ENOUGH FOR ME <3
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Re: Jurassic Waste

Postby Vitotamito » June 27th, 2015, 4:41 am

Seven Rain wrote:
Vitotamito wrote:complex scientific discussions about Chaos Theory and playing god and ethics.

It's... Been a while since I've watched any of those movies, but... Was this really prominent at all? I was under the impression that it was always about the dinosaurs, and that there were few other redeeming features of the movies aside from some cool actors and directing or whatever.
Spoiler! :
Unless you're being heavily sarcastic here, but you also seem to be rather sarcastically snide towards the other side of the coin. You tryin' to 1-Up gun as our local cynic, homie?

Nah, dog, lemme pull some examples. I'm ignoring Lost World and JP3 for a moment, because those movies didn't really do anything right, except cast Vince Vaughn in the 2nd one.

thexeternal, you might want to close your ears here, I know I said I wouldn't continue to do this, but Seven Rain has forced my hand.

First, take this example of Jeff Goldblum laughing.


Alright, alright, that was funny, but onto my point:

Specifically here's the example I'm referring to with the explanation of complex scientific theories. This shit as a kid made me want to be a scientist just as much as the rest of the movie made me want to be a paleontologist.


Here's a good example of our characters contemplating the idea that "Humans are playing god, and perhaps that's a bad idea." It also forshadows the coming disaster that Dinosaurs will eat the people. And it's done both humorously and thoughtfully.


Dr. Grant witnesses the dinosaurs flocking like birds, implying the theory that Dinosaurs evolved into Birds, which was an idea in 1993 that was very new and groundbreaking. He also says at the beginning of the movie that the Velociraptor's skeleton resembles a bird's.


The scientific study of frogs changing sex and reproducing. I don't know if it's even a real scientific fact, but it sure as hell had me convinced as a kid because the rest of the movie was so respectful of the science being talked about.


Now for examples of what Jurassic World tried to recapture from the original and did a fine job of, but still missed the point on the Scientific level:

Triceratops scene.
Spoiler! :
Jurassic world did a really good job of doing almost the exact same scene using the dying brontosaurus. But ultimately, they were setting up the idea that this dinosaur is killing for funsies and that she needs to care more about the dinosaurs in the park. Sure, that's fine, but by the end of the movie, they completely abandon the better of those plot points.

What makes the triceratops scene so good in the original is that it shows how they brought back these ancient plants without knowing how they affect the dinosaurs. Maybe they're trying to feed the dinosaurs poison and don't even know it. Not only that, how do they know how these plants will affect guests? The scientific ineptitude of the park has real consequences that most people wouldn't even think about, and the movie makes us question that and preform critical thinking on aspects of the park that we might take for granted.


This scene is a lot of what the Ethical Theme of Jurassic World is (Rushing into things like genetically engineering a monster to boost profits vs. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should), but it presents 4 different viewpoints on the exact same topic, each different in their own right. What's different with this scene, however, is that everyone gets their chance to speak. In Jurassic World, any time someone (really, only Chris Pratt) tries to put together a cogent thought like this, they're brushed aside and kicked out of a room like a liberal during some kind of Fox News debate.


Dino DNA!
Spoiler! :
Jurassic World's best segment, for me, was the safety videos with Jimmy Fallon during the hamster ball scene. It's captured the fun of the original, accurately portrayed a quirky theme park video, and was all-around entertaining. It was, of course, a direct attempt to capture the magic of the DNA sequence from the original. You know, that silly video with the DNA guy that they watch to find out how the dinosaurs were made.

So here's where the scene falters scientifically compared to the original. The DNA sequence is used to boil down the entire idea of cloning and DNA sequencing to an audience who is either children or adults who have never heard of this sort of thing before. The hamster ball sequence is great, but ultimately just a safety video with nothing to note other than the fact that the hamster balls are supposedly bulletproof.


Lastly, I really did enjoy the younger brother constantly spewing off Dinosaur facts. I enjoyed hearing about them, I enjoyed that they were there, but they were always ignored and overshadowed by the brother's constant search for someone to cheat on his girlfriend with, in which he awkwardly looks at people until he's laughed at. Soooo important.

In the original Jurassic Park, you had three scientists always together for the first half of the movie constantly bickering about science, constantly arguing about ethics, enlightening us on Paleontological Theories of the time, and proving to us that they are competent people worthy of doing their jobs. In Jurassic World, we had an island full of people who are bad at their jobs, and one guy who's good at a job that his background says he should have literally no experience with (Chris Pratt was a navy officer, so why does he know all about dinosaurs, animal training, and tracking?).

There's my rant and reasoning, Casey!
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Re: Jurassic Waste

Postby Seven Rain » June 27th, 2015, 11:24 am

Huh. I'm still waking up so you won't get more than a skim out of me but I'll take your word for it. I mean I haven't seen it in, like, over a decade at least.
Didn't have to rant for my sake though, I was just surprised to hear that there was anything to the writing in any of the movies.
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Re: Jurassic Waste

Postby Sonic-ock » June 27th, 2015, 4:22 pm

Spoiler! :
What was with that one assistant ladies fucked up death scene? It carried on for like 5 minutes straight where first she's chased by pterodactyls like everyone else, then she's in the water and the pterodactyls are kind of simultaneously drowning her and tearing her apart, and then just when she's about to be carried prehistoric shamu eats her? Like, I feel like with as much attention as the filmakers put on that scene, that it was supposed to be significant for some reason, but we barely had any interaction with that character so I didn't have any feelings or opinions attached to her, so the death scene just seems weird and gratuitous for no reason. was it supposed to just be the spectacle of, "whoa! Dinosaurs could really fuck you up in real life if they were still around!" this scene wasn't the FIRST moment that pulled me out of the film, it was the first truly bizarre choice that REALLY stuck out to me.
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Re: Jurassic Waste

Postby thexeternal » June 27th, 2015, 4:39 pm

Sonic-ock wrote:
Spoiler! :
What was with that one assistant ladies fucked up death scene? It carried on for like 5 minutes straight where first she's chased by pterodactyls like everyone else, then she's in the water and the pterodactyls are kind of simultaneously drowning her and tearing her apart, and then just when she's about to be carried prehistoric shamu eats her? Like, I feel like with as much attention as the filmakers put on that scene, that it was supposed to be significant for some reason, but we barely had any interaction with that character so I didn't have any feelings or opinions attached to her, so the death scene just seems weird and gratuitous for no reason. was it supposed to just be the spectacle of, "whoa! Dinosaurs could really fuck you up in real life if they were still around!" this scene wasn't the FIRST moment that pulled me out of the film, it was the first truly bizarre choice that REALLY stuck out to me.


Y'know, this did bother and confuse me when I saw it. I think that audiences are just so jaded by death nowadays as opposed to the original JP, that they thought it would be "funny" or something to include in the movie.
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Re: Jurassic Waste

Postby Nymine » June 28th, 2015, 10:55 pm

You know. All I can think of is Jaws 3. No seriously. Like hear me out.

Jaws was a run away smash. First summer blockbuster, more or less followed Peter Benchley's book, rave reviews. So sequels! SEQUELS SEQUELS SEQUELS all trying to remake that magic but wait here's a problem: There's no book to go off of so what do we do? Take the basic plot, throw in fish revenge and some explosions, cool boat harpoon death scenes and bake at 500 degrees. Didn't do so well, and killer shark movies kind of became their own brand of awful b-movie monster movies.

Then you get Jurassic Park, and the start of a Michael Crichton books craze. First movie more or less follows the books, where dinosaurs are more of a vehicle for God, ethics and Chaos Theory. Smart, scary enough mix of amazing puppetry and CG like no one had seen before. Run away smash hit rave rave RAVE BUT WAIT WE HAVE A PROBLEM! Mr. Crichton ain't so happy about the way the movie comes out. Writes another book, a sequel to his first book that's being made now basically saying 'NO NO THAT WAS DUMB ITS NOT THAT T REXES CANT SEE MOVEMENT HE WASNT HUNGRY SO THERE RETCON RETCON RETCON' and adds some more ichor about rampant consumerism and how our need to have THINGS and create THINGS and move on to the next THING is ultimately cancerous. But! Spielberg still has the rights and whaddaya know, now he's got another script! And its good! So we get The Lost World. And hey, now that CG is totally a thing, lets just tack in the implausable action from one and two and reintroduce Grant with most of the plot that was removed from two and call it Jurassic Park III.

Is it a coincidence that Michael Crichton passed away and now we have Jurassic World? Probably not. But yeah. This is like, basically Jaws III. Someone else had to write the script, and instead of using dinos as a metaphor for do's and don'ts of thinking you can replace god because why not or why consumerism will ultimately be the downfall of society(because that kind of thing takes thought), hell let's make this into a b-monster movie with awesome CG graphics and hinge all the parts on the things that people liked before hand(T Rex and raptor pack hunting) along with
Spoiler! :
a science baby monster that gets eaten by a sea monster Jaws style. Bonus career reference peen stroke pat on the back.

Whoo....that turned out longer than I meant it to.

ALSO!
Spoiler! :
I agree with the assistant's death, and I may have an answer? It was a(n over the top) reminder that the sea monster was still there. It was also an allusion to the death of the science baby raptorrex. And I might be alone in this, but I swear it was also a call back to the first death in Jaws. Like that's right where my mind went to. Seriously, I had flashbacks during the dunking in the skinny dipping scene in Jaws. I might be one of the few people who has seen that scene uncut; the one released to TV was edited because that scene was considered so unsettling and horrific due to how long the girl got dragged under the water and how long she was crying and afraid and how much that disturbed the audience. Similar camera angles and everything.
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Re: Jurassic Waste

Postby Vitotamito » June 29th, 2015, 12:03 am

Nymine wrote:ALSO!
Spoiler! :
I agree with the assistant's death, and I may have an answer? It was a(n over the top) reminder that the sea monster was still there. It was also an allusion to the death of the science baby raptorrex. And I might be alone in this, but I swear it was also a call back to the first death in Jaws. Like that's right where my mind went to. Seriously, I had flashbacks during the dunking in the skinny dipping scene in Jaws. I might be one of the few people who has seen that scene uncut; the one released to TV was edited because that scene was considered so unsettling and horrific due to how long the girl got dragged under the water and how long she was crying and afraid and how much that disturbed the audience. Similar camera angles and everything.


I read somewhere a while back that the thing they attached that lady to in the Jaws scene that dragged her back and forth in the water almost broke her back. Maybe it was just a rumor or a stupid clickbait article, but I want to believe.
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Re: Jurassic Waste

Postby The Scarlett Wolf » July 26th, 2015, 8:33 pm

This makes me SOOO happy to see! I've been in a state of despair seeing EVERYONE proclaiming it to be the best thing since Betty White, and I was literally face palming throughout the movie! Nothing anyone does makes ANY sense, the characterisation was abominable and the plot was beyond ridiculous.
I think the only other thing that has regained my faith that some people do still have good taste (aside from this thread) was HISHE's video on it. Also a high heels spoof. Both videos hilarious, and I think you'll enjoy them!

Summary of most of the terrible things in the movie.



JEFF FRICKING GOLDBLUM. Watch it and you'll know.
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