Badly Written Instructions

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Badly Written Instructions

Postby The_Hankerchief » January 10th, 2015, 10:46 am

This was inspired by the directions that came with a coffee pot I recently got. The first person badly describes how to do a certain task, then the person below them has to guess what they are doing.

Example:
1) Crack outer containment shell, releasing gelatinous goo onto metal containment surface.
2) Activate auxiliary heating element to desired level.
3) Place metal containment surface on auxiliary heating element. Gelatinous goo will harden.
4) When bottom of gelatinous goo has sufficiently hardened, using the long handled turning scoop, invert the congealed goo patty.
5) When other side of congealed goo patty has hardened as well, remove metal containment surface from auxiliary heating element and slide congealed goo patty onto round dining surface. Turn off auxiliary heating element. Congealed goo patty is now ready for consumption.

Answer: Frying an egg.

I'll start:

1) Using jug of containment, fill reservoir with desired level of hydrogen-oxygen compound.
2) Using pulp-product leak-through separator, fill mixing reservoir with desired level of brown alertness powder.
3) Press activation switch. Product will dispense into jug of containment.
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Re: Badly Written Instructions

Postby Master_72 » January 10th, 2015, 11:17 am

Making some coffee.

INSTRUCTIONS
1) Set up main accessing component on desired platform
2) connect main accessing component to nearest outlet.
3) connect main accessing component to nearest colour and figure-displaying device.
4) Trigger main accessing component into functioning state
5) Utilize commanding peripheral to cycle through various entertainment options
6) Select entertainment option, and commence activity.
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Re: Badly Written Instructions

Postby The_Hankerchief » January 10th, 2015, 11:47 am

Master_72 wrote:Making some coffee.

INSTRUCTIONS
1) Set up main accessing component on desired platform
2) connect main accessing component to nearest outlet.
3) connect main accessing component to nearest colour and figure-displaying device.
4) Trigger main accessing component into functioning state
5) Utilize commanding peripheral to cycle through various entertainment options
6) Select entertainment option, and commence activity.

Hooking up a cable/satellite box and watching TV!

1) Using either a sharpened wedge on a stick or a gas-powered rotary macerator, collapse large shady Carbon Dioxide conversion cylinder at its base.
2) Remove appendages from main cylinder.
3) Cut cylinder (and bigger appendages) to desired length.
4) Using either an extra-wide sharpened wedge on a stick or a gas powered hydraulic wedge compressor, break cylinder sections into pieces.
5)Continue to split pieces until they reach desired size. Stack pieces to store for later use.
sanspants wrote:Man, I bet the NSA guys know where to find the best porn.

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Re: Badly Written Instructions

Postby mitchellbravo » January 10th, 2015, 12:09 pm

Chopping down a tree for firewood!

1. SECURE AUDITORY STIMULUS
2. FOLLOWING SPEED OF THE STIMULUS, EXTEND AND RETRACT EXTERNAL HARDWARE ATTRIBUTES
3. MIND OTHER OPERATORS TO AVOID INJURY AND DAMAGE
oly: we draw stories about imaginary people
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Re: Badly Written Instructions

Postby robybang » January 10th, 2015, 2:21 pm

Playing an instrument (probably a trombone).

  • Fill ceramic vessel with 2.98 cl of dihydrogen monoxide.
  • Insert vessel into molecular agitation mechanism.
  • Set the appropriate time necessary to agitate the dihydrogen monoxide molecules to the proper frequency.
  • Insert dehydrated organic material containment unit into ceramic vessel and saturate to desired strength.
  • Combine with sucrose and/or lactose if desired.
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Re: Badly Written Instructions

Postby Master_72 » January 10th, 2015, 2:29 pm

Making a milkshake?

INSTRUCTIONS:
1) Grasp loose end of tightening unit on side left
2) Grasp loose end of tightening unit on side right
3) Loop both tightening units at length
4) Proceed to form oval shapes made of the length of both tightening units
5) Loop both oval shapes of the tightening units.
6) Pull.
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Re: Badly Written Instructions

Postby mitchellbravo » January 10th, 2015, 3:07 pm

robybang wrote:Playing an instrument (probably a trombone).

4. THIS IS INCORRECT.

robybang wrote:Playing an instrument (probably a trombone).

  • Fill ceramic vessel with 2.98 cl of dihydrogen monoxide.
  • Insert vessel into molecular agitation mechanism.
  • Set the appropriate time necessary to agitate the dihydrogen monoxide molecules to the proper frequency.
  • Insert dehydrated organic material containment unit into ceramic vessel and saturate to desired strength.
  • Combine with sucrose and/or lactose if desired.

making tea??



I will leave m72's to be solved by another user
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Re: Badly Written Instructions

Postby The_Hankerchief » January 10th, 2015, 8:02 pm

mitchellbravo wrote:Chopping down a tree for firewood!

1. SECURE AUDITORY STIMULUS
2. FOLLOWING SPEED OF THE STIMULUS, EXTEND AND RETRACT EXTERNAL HARDWARE ATTRIBUTES
3. MIND OTHER OPERATORS TO AVOID INJURY AND DAMAGE

Running with an iPod? Master_72's is tying shoes!

1) Open main containment unit of chosen mood-improving formula.
2) Put desired amount of frozen hydrogen-oxygen compound in a small containment unit.
3) Pour four fingers worth of mood-improving formula into smaller containment unit.
4) Consume. Repeat steps 1-3 as necessary.
sanspants wrote:Man, I bet the NSA guys know where to find the best porn.

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Re: Badly Written Instructions

Postby mitchellbravo » January 10th, 2015, 8:42 pm

The_Hankerchief wrote:
mitchellbravo wrote:Chopping down a tree for firewood!

1. SECURE AUDITORY STIMULUS
2. FOLLOWING SPEED OF THE STIMULUS, EXTEND AND RETRACT EXTERNAL HARDWARE ATTRIBUTES
3. MIND OTHER OPERATORS TO AVOID INJURY AND DAMAGE

Running with an iPod? Master_72's is tying shoes!

5. IN SOME WAYS THIS IS CLOSER BUT IN SOME WAYS IT IS NOT
6. KEEP TRYING

1) Open main containment unit of chosen mood-improving formula.
2) Put desired amount of frozen hydrogen-oxygen compound in a small containment unit.
3) Pour four fingers worth of mood-improving formula into smaller containment unit.
4) Consume. Repeat steps 1-3 as necessary.

drankin whiskey on the rocks 8-)

WARNING: TASK IS DECEPTIVELY INTRICATE. EXPECT IT TO TAKE AT LEAST 2 HOURS TO COMPLETE
1. OPEN COMMUNICATION APPARATUS
2. ENTER CODE TO ACCESS SURVEILLANCE SITE
3. ENTER DESIRED CASE FILE DESCRIPTION
4. SEARCH THROUGH AVAILABLE DATA REELS
WARNING: IT IS EASY TO GO OFF-TASK IN THIS ASSIGNMENT. IRRELEVANT DATA REELS MAY PROVE DISTRACTING. ACCESSING THESE IRRELEVANT REELS WILL LEAD TO THE DISCOVERY OF FURTHER IRRELEVANT REELS- FREQUENTLY FEATURING HOUSEHOLD LIVESTOCK. PERUSE AT OWN RISK
WARNING: OTHER OPERATORS MAY DESCRIBE THEIR EXPERIENCES IN A TEXT FIELD ATTACHED TO EACH DATA REEL. AVOID GIVING THESE EVEN A CURSORY GLANCE. THIS IS A WASTE OF YOUR VALUABLE TIME AS A DATA REEL OPERATOR.
oly: we draw stories about imaginary people
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Do not feet infants to honey under one year of age.
me: Posh, Baby, Sporty, and Scary Ham
robybang: Together they're Spiced Ham
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Re: Badly Written Instructions

Postby The_Hankerchief » January 10th, 2015, 11:09 pm

mitchellbravo wrote:
The_Hankerchief wrote:
mitchellbravo wrote:Chopping down a tree for firewood!

1. SECURE AUDITORY STIMULUS
2. FOLLOWING SPEED OF THE STIMULUS, EXTEND AND RETRACT EXTERNAL HARDWARE ATTRIBUTES
3. MIND OTHER OPERATORS TO AVOID INJURY AND DAMAGE

Running with an iPod? Master_72's is tying shoes!

5. IN SOME WAYS THIS IS CLOSER BUT IN SOME WAYS IT IS NOT
6. KEEP TRYING

1) Open main containment unit of chosen mood-improving formula.
2) Put desired amount of frozen hydrogen-oxygen compound in a small containment unit.
3) Pour four fingers worth of mood-improving formula into smaller containment unit.
4) Consume. Repeat steps 1-3 as necessary.

drankin whiskey on the rocks 8-)

WARNING: TASK IS DECEPTIVELY INTRICATE. EXPECT IT TO TAKE AT LEAST 2 HOURS TO COMPLETE
1. OPEN COMMUNICATION APPARATUS
2. ENTER CODE TO ACCESS SURVEILLANCE SITE
3. ENTER DESIRED CASE FILE DESCRIPTION
4. SEARCH THROUGH AVAILABLE DATA REELS
WARNING: IT IS EASY TO GO OFF-TASK IN THIS ASSIGNMENT. IRRELEVANT DATA REELS MAY PROVE DISTRACTING. ACCESSING THESE IRRELEVANT REELS WILL LEAD TO THE DISCOVERY OF FURTHER IRRELEVANT REELS- FREQUENTLY FEATURING HOUSEHOLD LIVESTOCK. PERUSE AT OWN RISK
WARNING: OTHER OPERATORS MAY DESCRIBE THEIR EXPERIENCES IN A TEXT FIELD ATTACHED TO EACH DATA REEL. AVOID GIVING THESE EVEN A CURSORY GLANCE. THIS IS A WASTE OF YOUR VALUABLE TIME AS A DATA REEL OPERATOR.

(damn Mitchell's killing me at my own game :shock:)

Correct! To be more specific, it was how to pour a proper double, but you're close enough.

Hmmm....I'm guessing the second one is browsing the internet, specifically either Facebook or YouTube. The first one...doing Zumba, perhaps?

1) Place two pieces of spongy grain slices on eating surface.
2) Using flat spreading apparatus, spread allergenic food compound onto one slice of spongy grain.
3) Using flat spreading apparatus, spread liquidized berry compound on other slice of spongy grain.
4) Place the two pieces of spongy grain together, compound filling in between them.
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Re: Badly Written Instructions

Postby robybang » January 10th, 2015, 11:52 pm

mitchellbravo wrote:making tea??

Yes

The_Hankerchief wrote:1) Place two pieces of spongy grain slices on eating surface.
2) Using flat spreading apparatus, spread allergenic food compound onto one slice of spongy grain.
3) Using flat spreading apparatus, spread liquidized berry compound on other slice of spongy grain.
4) Place the two pieces of spongy grain together, compound filling in between them.


Making a PB&J

  1. Place excess keratin growth between blades
  2. Depress lever to initiate paring sequence
  3. Dispose of extracted material in waste disposal unit
  4. Repeat 9-19 times until all unwanted growth has been removed; further shaping may be necessary
three wrote:
The_Hankerchief wrote:AHNOLD TSUNDERENEGGER

"AHL BE BAHCK... BUT NAHT BECAUSE I LIEK YOU OR ANYTHING."
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Re: Badly Written Instructions

Postby mitchellbravo » January 10th, 2015, 11:59 pm

The_Hankerchief wrote:Correct! To be more specific, it was how to pour a proper double, but you're close enough.
Nice!

Hmmm....I'm guessing the second one is browsing the internet, specifically either Facebook or YouTube. The first one...doing Zumba, perhaps?
Youtube is correct! Household livestock was meant to refer to pet videos. I'm probably trying too hard to obscure my clues, lol.

And I'll count Zumba as a win, I really was just envisioning "dancing" :P

And I believe I know roby's new one but want to give someone else a chance at success.
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Re: Badly Written Instructions

Postby pixieface » January 11th, 2015, 12:45 am

robybang wrote:
  1. Place excess keratin growth between blades
  2. Depress lever to initiate paring sequence
  3. Dispose of extracted material in waste disposal unit
  4. Repeat 9-19 times until all unwanted growth has been removed; further shaping may be necessary


Clipping finger and toenails. :3

  1. Insert rod A into loop 1 housed on rod B from front to back
  2. Wrap loose end of multi-plied ruminant filaments around rod A, anti-clockwise
  3. Use tip of rod A to pull multi-plied ruminant filaments through loop 1, creating loop 1a
  4. Discard loop 1 from rod B
  5. Repeat as necessary
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Re: Badly Written Instructions

Postby robybang » January 11th, 2015, 12:55 am

pixieface wrote:Clipping finger and toenails. :3

  1. Insert rod A into loop 1 housed on rod B from front to back
  2. Wrap loose end of multi-plied ruminant filaments around rod A, anti-clockwise
  3. Use tip of rod A to pull multi-plied ruminant filaments through loop 1, creating loop 1a
  4. Discard loop 1 from rod B
  5. Repeat as necessary


Yes. And knitting or crocheting?
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"AHL BE BAHCK... BUT NAHT BECAUSE I LIEK YOU OR ANYTHING."
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Re: Badly Written Instructions

Postby pixieface » January 11th, 2015, 1:02 am

Yup. Crocheting only involves a single crochet hook. Knitting requires at least two needles. So knitting... well, specifically how to perform the basic knit stitch. Or, in basic knitting shorthand:

*k1
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