Critique the above person's latest comic page

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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby blackmoongirl2424 » October 31st, 2014, 5:01 pm

No problem at all, glad you found it helpful.

-The best ways to guide a reader's eye to the intended flow is: the panel layout (tends to be the weakest if not really straight forward), word balloons, or direction characters are looking/pointing to. Because we're reading left-to-right-top-to-bottom, it's natural for me to read the bubbles left to right then top to down just because once I'm done with the first word balloon in panel 1, the balloon in panel 3 has already snagged my eye.
So I would've had your "..." low on the panel, more to the left
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Even him looking down would've helped with the direction that this was supposed to be read.

-Arrows tend to work better in a comedy setting, and I've seen them best utilized as more of a build up to a bigger joke than the actual joke itself. Foreshadowing to a joke, more of.

-It's not uber bad or anything, just a minor fix
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby IsaacCraveFries » November 7th, 2014, 9:27 pm

I like the character look. also i like the use of white space, It was hard for me to know what he was doing at first look. i saw the last panel and felt like i had to go back because i didn't understand what he was doing and how it all connected.

and then i realized he was making a patting down motion. that wasn't apparent when i first saw it for some reason. here it looked like he brushed off his pants very fast and just once. if that made sense.
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Black Collar » November 9th, 2014, 1:46 am

Okay, well, I like how clean this page is for one thing. It looks to me like the inking was digital. I really like your use of backgrounds too. A lot of people don't use them because they are lazy, bugs me. :D The textures you did with the ink are really cool too, and give the page a realistic feel. Your stile is also very unique, which I love.

I agree that the way this is read is a bit confusing. Not bad though. What my main problem is, would be the bed railing in the top right panel. The two ends don't line up properly with each other or the wall. You could fix that by using a good old one point perspective to draw the background. Very useful. And for all the work you are putting into the inking, definitely worth it. I agree with what you said about not using the arrows too. Definitely takes the readers attention away from the flow of the page. Especially because as much as us artists hate to admit it, when someone reads a comic they look at the words first, not the art. So make sure to make the text a main focus. My only other concern would be how you put the word stretch as an Onamonapia. It's best to stay away from actual descriptive words like that in comics, because it's like admitting your art isn't speaking for itself. I would suggest maybe putting 'crack' or something, to indicate his neck cracking as he stretches. Of course, you can always break the rules, and sometimes you have to use actual words to describe things. I have done it too, but try to stay away from it if you can.

Spoiler! :
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby blackmoongirl2424 » November 14th, 2014, 9:08 pm

IsaacCraveFries wrote:I like the character look. also i like the use of white space, It was hard for me to know what he was doing at first look. i saw the last panel and felt like i had to go back because i didn't understand what he was doing and how it all connected.

and then i realized he was making a patting down motion. that wasn't apparent when i first saw it for some reason. here it looked like he brushed off his pants very fast and just once. if that made sense.

Spoiler! :
Sorry for taking forever for replying. @w@;;


Yeah out of context it doesn't make much sense (which I doubt most of these one page critiques would haha). I debated with keeping the inner monologue but I thought it could go without it since he's just inspecting himself and it would seem redundant. I get where you're coming from though, even though the text may have been repeating what was going on, it'd cement what was going on instead of just trying to figure out the context clues (if that wording makes sense).
----

Other than the "From" I don't see any real mistakes with the writing. You have a good idea of panel layout and composition with backgrounds being a plus. I think where the page suffers most is on it's human characters. The people are obviously the weakest part of this page,, the anatomy issues stick out the most on the last panel where the legs look as if the mysterious person is standing awkwardly, and the characters on the second panel don't fair that well either.
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Disturbed Goth » November 15th, 2014, 9:27 pm

@blackmoongirl2424

You didn't post a page, so I just went to your comic directly and looked at the latest. I hope that it okay.

I really like the use of lines and stippling in your page. It seems quite humorous, even though I don't know what's going on. Your overall anatomy and pose(s) look good. They are simple, but your style (at least from what I gathered from this page) is not super detailed. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Your style seems in balance with itself if that makes any sense. Kudos on the car. Cars are difficult for me, so I like what you did with it. The stippling does look a little messy, but I get what you are achieving. It doesn't have the same texture as the wavy lines and the action lines, which makes it stand out a bit. Were those done by hand? There is lack of background, but I think it fits this page. He's surfing through his thoughts, so a setting is not entirely needed. :)

Here's my latest!!! It's kind of a big file...

Spoiler! :
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Supahsnail » November 18th, 2014, 3:10 pm

Disturbed Goth wrote:@blackmoongirl2424

You didn't post a page, so I just went to your comic directly and looked at the latest. I hope that it okay.

I really like the use of lines and stippling in your page. It seems quite humorous, even though I don't know what's going on. Your overall anatomy and pose(s) look good. They are simple, but your style (at least from what I gathered from this page) is not super detailed. I'm not saying it's a bad thing. Your style seems in balance with itself if that makes any sense. Kudos on the car. Cars are difficult for me, so I like what you did with it. The stippling does look a little messy, but I get what you are achieving. It doesn't have the same texture as the wavy lines and the action lines, which makes it stand out a bit. Were those done by hand? There is lack of background, but I think it fits this page. He's surfing through his thoughts, so a setting is not entirely needed. :)

Here's my latest!!! It's kind of a big file...

Spoiler! :
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- The characters eyes in the first panel aren't symmetrical. The left eye seems to be bigger and it has a wider pupil. I don't know if this is on purpose, but if it isn't it's really noticeable.

- The girl's face in the second panel doesn't end. Her left cheek stretches to the end of the frame and it looks like she's deformed.

- The red and yellow colors in the third panel look unshaded and solid. I'm not sure if this was done purposefully for artistic reasons, but it doesn't work in my opinion. Although it pops, It also looks awkward.

- I really like the lighting and the shading on the hair.

- Panel three was just awesome in general. The shape of his body is ghoulishly cool.
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Guest » November 24th, 2014, 5:29 pm

You didn't post a page here, so I went to your site for the most recent page:

I'm a fan of comics created on a grid. I think it's a straightforward way to tell a story, prosaic without requiring the reader to do mental gymnastics to follow the plot. Of course, they can be short on emotional impact, but in this case that's a plus. The 4-panel setup to the punchline in panel 5 benefits from the staid pacing much in the same way a Steven Wright joke benefits from his deadpan delivery. I don't know anything about this comic beyond what I read on this page, but all the interactions between the characters tell me much that I need to know. 4 characters, 3 "camera angles", a little delaying technique in panel 2 for the setup punchline in panel 5, and then the anticlimax in panel 6 that leads the reader to follow onto the next page (gag). This is obviously a light-hearted and pleasant comic. I think I'll have to add it to my favorites.

Here's my current page; feel free to tear it apart:
Spoiler! :
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby walkin_talkin_apocolyps » December 17th, 2014, 4:34 pm

yur comic has a lot of detail! really snazzy. i think the panels all flow into eachother really good. i especially like what ya did on the top row of panels. i always like that effect where its 1 picture cut up into different panels. i think its a better way to get the reader to actually pay attention to the room insteada just skimmin past it. and its good since theres a lot of detail in the room so it splits it up spiffily

BUT there might also be TOO MUCH detail. its really impressive how much linework ya got going on but its also a lot for the eyes to deal with. mostly the hatching. it kinda looks a little too much like a static tv screen and makes it hard to focus. i think if you didn't use hatchin on EVERYTHING it might be better. or if you didn't fill the whole area with hatching. on places like the floor or the wall if you just used it in corners and shadowy places i think it would get the idea down. like the way the pillar is in panel 7 i think is really good. panels 4 and 7 actually look the best to me cuz they're balanced really good

also another thing i think would really help is if ya used a more handwritten lookin font or hand write it yourself. it just looks kinda out of place next to everythin else

Spoiler! :
ok heres my page! do the thing!
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby JoKeR » December 18th, 2014, 7:42 pm

@ walkin_talkin_apocolyps

Ok ... The Law of Similarity is very prominent in your current comic page everything important is centered in every panel.
This may be good to set focus on certain things but it's also involves the danger of monotony, if used too often.
Even the panels are centered and balanced out... there is nothing interesting to see. You have nothing what catches the attention of the reader ...what's a pity, because I can see you put much effort into the details in this scene.
You should work more with the golden ratio to create interesting content in a panel.

And what adds to the monotone feeling is the use of dull colours ...everything has a touch of purple. Not only the purple parts but green and brown and grey as well. everything is muddy and similar (only the yellow numbers and effect of the clock are different) with nearly no contrast. Same goes for the hair and skin colour of the character they are identical.
Try to avoid those purple-heavy colours and vary the colour contrast a little bit more.

Spoiler! :
I have a similar problem ...my colours tend to be black-heavy and everything went down to a dark moody colour theme.


The perspective of the scenes are great ...I can see considerable improvements here.



My latest page:
http://katran.smackjeeves.com/comics/20 ... atran-177/
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby blackmoongirl2424 » January 15th, 2015, 2:56 am

Even though there's no context to the page (even when taking the previous page a look), I can see what you're going for and like the layout overall. It's clear to the reader that the panels are distant enough to show that each panel is a window to how several particular view points are affected by the same explosion (at the very least that's what I've gathered haha). Unfortunately panels 1 and 4 are completely lost with me, I have no clue what's going on within those panels, I've even gone so far to look all the way back to page 167. So as far as I know, those panels could been better spent using different view points than the ones presented.

http://whendidyoufall.smackjeeves.com/c ... 5/page-41/ (Welp, here's my page haha)
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby walkin_talkin_apocolyps » February 11th, 2015, 11:53 am

AAALRIGHTY. when did you fall.
i kinda cheated a went back a few pages to figure out what they were talkin about. i think the dialog all works pretty good and sounds like how real people talk. its not choppy and doesnt sound like yur awkwardly trying to force-explain somethin thru dialog. also it looks like ya thought ahead with your word bubbles to make sure they fit and aren't covering important stuff. so thats way better than i usually do haha. they also fill up the panels pretty good so that there isnt weird blank space
i like all the different line thicknesses in your art too. and that you had the backround in the first panel to set the scene for the page. thats pretty important. i DO think the backround looks a little flat tho. the perspective is mostly straight lines so it looks a little more like a wall than a side-walk. and the grass looks too blank. in the page before this one you put in some grass blades and i think that looks a lot better :) but the trees/bushes behind him look really nice.
something else that kind of confused me was demandos mouth in the 2nd panel. yur style mostly has the broken line mouth look. and a lot of the time it makes sense but i couldnt figure out what it was doing here. i think the lines hafta connect more to make sense.
also that girl who might or might not be sailor moon seems like she comes out of nowhere since she's only in the last panel and not in the last page at all. maybe if she was sorta hinted at a little more in other panels
anyway... yup! thats about it! :)

heres my page!
http://robohole.smackjeeves.com/comics/2088288/page-17/
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby IsaacCraveFries » February 16th, 2015, 8:04 pm

I like the dialogue. i think its fun. they are playing i spy. i like the game i spy :) . i like how they almost got into a accident and they say that wouldve been embarrassing :lol: im like embarrassing? try dead :lol: lol. they look young though so it fits. nice colors too.
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby JoKeR » February 20th, 2015, 9:07 pm

You didn't link your latest page ...I took this http://img2.smackjeeves.com/images/uplo ... c5rVc8.jpg ...OK?

So... I can see that your line art improved, but it still needs more consistence. For example the fire on the last panel has much thicker lines then the remaining scene ...why does it have so much importance in this panel?
Some lines are wobbly or somehow impossible to read... The Girl in the second panel has two left hands as it seems.

Your anatomic proportion is also suboptimal. Look at the girl in the second panel again, whose hands are this?
Those can't be hers, because her shoulders are straight down and the hands coming straight up with an impossible angle.
Try to scribble limps completely when they go out of the screen and back ...this way do you have more control of the right angle and proportion. Afterwards can you erase the parts outside the panel frames.

And the last point of criticism ...too many blunt face shots or straight forward character shots. There is nothing interesting to see ...try to spice the scene up with interesting angles or details, like hand closeup shots or detail shots of the surrounding props. This is utterly important for dialog scenes where the amount of action is reduced to hand gestures.

Even so I criticized the last panel is this my favorite of the page ...an interesting point of view, the lighting is good and the speed-lines do their job right.
Keep it up and never become discouraged by harsh critics ;)



Here is my newest page:
http://katran.smackjeeves.com/comics/20 ... atran-179/
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Chris chris » February 20th, 2015, 11:48 pm

I'll bite.

JoKeRcologne, the last page has some pretty damn good art. I personally have no critic with the art itself. Your lines are solid with different yet appropriate weight. I do have to say the camera directions is a little off putting. I had to go back to the previous page to understand what was happening. I think the switching camera scenes is jarring to telling of action. You know like in movies when they keeping going from character to character to thing to such. Its hard to follow the flow of action. Even with minimal panels, perhaps it'd've been best to stick with one or two camera angles for this page.

Here's current page of MP!
http://monkeypot.smackjeeves.com/comics/2082477/462/
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Zrcalo » February 23rd, 2015, 1:49 am

@chrischris

this is a very nicely laid out comic page. The words flow very well and it's very easy to understand what's happening. overall a++ work!

The only things I see that may need some attention is the first two panels look lackluster compared to the rest of the page. I think particularly the black on his hair doesnt blend well, and there doesnt look to be any shadows on it. The only other critique I have is some of your words are touching the outside of the bubble. Otherwise, very good job! easy reading, nice flow, and great layout! The expressions on the characters are very nice too. :)

(edit: I think you updated after I submitted this. 462 was the page I was rating. XD)
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