Critique the above person's latest comic page

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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Rian' » August 19th, 2013, 6:09 am

Hi :)

Overall, the action is clear to the reader, the art is okay, there's a few perspective backgrounds and special effects which add a nice touch to it all!
I have a few suggestions about the pannelling:
- Leave more bleeding area especially on the right hand side because there's not only the black line of the border but also the one of pannel 4 which stuck together makes the whole thing rather nasty to look out.
- Maybe try to make the frame of the pannels a bit thiner? I think it spoils a bit the pictures/colours inside which is a shame because the rest is good.
- You did a very good thing with the "flash" letting it go a bit out of the frame, some of the 'geckie' are rather close to the border of the panel without actually crossing it wich makes it look a bit uncomfortable, either let it a bit out or keep it clearly inside.
- A small thing, and maybe it's just me, I just find it a bit weird that the guy on the back's reaction doesn't change from pannel 1 to pannel 2? I mean either you don't show his face so there's no need to worry about changing the 'background' either you show it but then use it to emphasize the action on your second pannel.
- The same goes for the bubble speech, in pannel 4 you have enough space to make a bigger bubble so that the lettering doesn't go so near of the speech bubble's border.
- Last pannel: where is the focus of the action? On the right of the explosion or the left? By putting the sound indication 'pupoom' right on the middle of the pannel it makes is sort of confusing. Onomatopeias should be part of the composition of a picture, except for a very few cases, it should be in the middle of the picture especially in such big lettering unless you want it to appear more important than the actual drawn indication (which you seem to have put a lot of effort in).

These are a few things which would let your page 'breathe' some more and make it therefore nicer to look at but as I said, it's not that bad as we still understand the action quite clearly :)
I hope this will help!
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby stkbayfield » August 24th, 2013, 9:51 pm

Rian. Because you were so thorough with your post, I feel I owe you the same in return

Firstly and foremost, Nickster has a beautiful art style in every update. Everything from the characters to the borders and speech bubble are heavily stylized and require me to go out of my way to compliment. You've got me as a signed up fan from here on out.

Character designs are also fantastic.

The final two panels, without any speech bubbles at all say more than the first four put together.

I apologize if you needed constructive criticism, but all you have from me is envy and respect. Your comic is beautiful, well composed and worthy of nothing short of adoration.

---

My latest page is an animated movie and I am kind of excited to see what good and bad things people have to say about it:

http://morphe.thewebcomic.com/comics/17 ... et-dreams/

I blushingly admit, there's a part of me that's hoping that the update will prove we're worthy of attention from tabletop circles or get Smackjeeves Spotlight.

But that's just my dreamings.
ImageImage


Half visual novel, half webcomic. All new and updated 3 times a week.

Current update showcase: Chapter 4: Page 1 - Infiltrator (Interactive elements/Music)
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Hugo Stiglitz » September 10th, 2013, 11:43 pm

I animation itself is pretty good! Though I do think you could use more chiaroscuro lighting, and the logo on the ,who I assume is the killer, his shirt should match the overall style more in my opinion. I am trying to not spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. Heck if you wanted to go more for the psychotic route, have some traditionally happy music playing in the background, like ode to joy, to add to the psychotic feel. But that is another video. Keep up the good work!

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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Guest » September 13th, 2013, 12:14 am

...Okay, so I needed context for your latest page. Which is fair, you are in chapter 14 after all. But, uh, I honestly can't tell what's happening. I looked through the comic and saw that you have these small panels on squiggles for a few pages, so going back as far as the chapter before didn't help me at all. I can't really tell what's happening.

If anyone else would like to take a shot at this, please do. I'm thinking it went right over my head (your description says these are like Jackson Pollock inspired, but all I know is that he's very abstract and some of his techniques, not much about how this is being applied), but I also can't help but feel that your technique may be making your comic a little intimidating for a new reader. Also, on a side note, you may want to resize your pages, as they are a little big.

Umm...here's my page:
Spoiler! :
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby cebap » September 13th, 2013, 12:58 am

First off, the amount of work put into this is astounding. Each background looks like a lot of effort was put into it, and with color added on that I think that your comic is flipping awesome!
I think your art could really make some improvements with more line variation in both the characters and backgrounds. Thicken up the lines around where shadows will fall, and that creates lots of visual interest into your line work. I think it's easy to fall into just using straight lines to describe what's going on in the background as well, but our world is way more organic than that. There are marks, bumps, textures and imperfections in everything, and adding those details can really make your art stand out. I would also say that I feel your panels might need a little bit of breathing room from each other, they feel a bit crowded with the small black lines delineating them. Keep up the good work!

I hope that helps!

Here's mine!
Spoiler! :
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby MannyKat8x » September 13th, 2013, 11:14 am

Oh my goodness your colors are AMAZING, you certainly have a lot of skill with color theory! And nice job with the cell shading, that's always tricky to pull off :D

Your panels do seem to go over the page edge a bit, and while that's not a big deal with digital work, printing it might be tricky with it (although that might be me used to having panels the cover all 4 sides, I honestly couldn't find anything seriously wrong with it)

Okay, here's my most recent page, it might be a little clunky from rushing it a bit but it does sort of work out of context
Spoiler! :
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Image <-- My main webcomic
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Image <-- And my new one
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby alohinun » September 29th, 2013, 6:29 pm

I actually read through your full comic, and I'm impressed by the level of writing that you're keeping up! It's usually difficult to critique writing based off of one page, so a lot of my critique for this is going to be pretty technical.

1) Figures
It's clear that you aren't working with the intention for the comic to be realistic, which I can actually appreciate! You convey your story and your characters without relying on them to be visually realistic, yet they do feel like fairly realistic people because your writing is strong. However, many of your figures still need some clarification of their forms, or further stylization and/or simplification. A lot of cartoonists will still do semi-realistic figure studies in order to better understand the human form, even if they plan on simplifying them later. If you understand a form completely, it's easier to know where emphasis should be placed on the form and where details can be omitted when stylizing it. In your figures, there isn't a whole lot of volume given to them formally. They tend to lack a skeletal foundation or muscular definition. I'm sure you're already familiar with his work, but Bill Watterson is a good person to look at as far as understanding some ways in which anatomy can be simplified while still conveying the basic structure.

Something that you might want to consider, additionally, is varying the size of the figures within their panels. Don't be afraid to mix in some long distance or close up shots. Overall, many of the figures within your panels are of a similar size, which reduces drama.

2) Linework
A lot of your lines look very shaky, and there isn't much line variation between forms or even within forms. I would strongly suggest playing with line weights in order to create greater volume for forms. More intentional use of line weight can, as well, direct emphasis for the reader. While you do a bit of this in panel five between the orange ghost's (dave's?) face and Max's figure, a more intentional use of this throughout the comic and page could help the visuals greatly.

3) Color & Background
Overall, your palette for this page is pretty good. None of the colors look distinctly out of place, and I do have a definite sense due to the coloration that the scene is taking place at night. However, while your choice of colors are good, your coloring overall could use more specificity. You begin to do this with the fence in the background, but establishing overall shapes and volume of the background elements would benefit your page. Additionally, there are some issues with regards to perspective in this page. I don't have a definite sense of the layout of the space, or of the scale of elements in the background (trees, fence, etc) versus the figures.

5) Panels & Speech bubbles
All of your speech bubbles are of a similar size and feel. While this can work great for some of your talking scenes and dialogue, for a situation that's emotionally loaded (such as this page), it can make decent dialogue fall flat. Don't be afraid to vary how you draw speech bubbles. Think of how a speech bubble saying "woah!" versus one saying "...dude?" might feel. Expression can do a lot to convey emotions, but speech bubbles can push them farther than just expressions alone can.

I know this was several weeks after you initially posted your request for critique, but I hope this helps! If you have any questions, please let me know! Despite some of the issues I talked about, I am enjoying reading your comic and am keeping my eye on it. : )

Here's my page!
Spoiler! :
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby xoxomochi » November 10th, 2013, 10:37 pm

wow this page looks beautiful!!! escpecially the first and third panels. they really balance out the page since the other two dont hav as many details. the only rhing im confused about is the first panel (lol the one i really like) the character's face doesnt look the same in the first and second panels and neither does the hair... it took me a while to see the rest of the hair in the first panel. its like blending in or something XP if its not even the same person just ignore me XP
lol i tried to read the comic but i have no clue which one it is XD........ but i read silk road and it was good :)


heres my nasty page........ (i dont know how to put an image spoiler so theres a link. sorry.)
Spoiler! :
http://sugardeath.smackjeeves.com/comics/
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby xox1melly1xox » November 11th, 2013, 3:58 am

The colors are quite pleasant and the characters are quite cute. Their expressions work well too.

You might want to make the outlines of the characters and the text bubbles a bit more darker. It's sort of a bit too merged with everything else in the panel. Depending on people's monitor brightness, it might be difficult to read the text or see the characters.

For the text, maybe you can try using a font. Your handwriting is legible, but it seems to be getting squished due to your attemps to conform it into the bubble. Try to be consistent with your capitalizing your letters. The name of the person is capitalized, but you seem to be inconsistent in capitalizing the first word in every sentence it.
Spoiler! :
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby mikemacdee » November 11th, 2013, 5:21 am

xox1melly1xox wrote:For the text, maybe you can try using a font. Your handwriting is legible, but it seems to be getting squished due to your attemps to conform it into the bubble.

The problem is that she draws the word balloon first, then crams the text in second. If she does it the other way 'round she can make it work without using a font -- font lettering would be an eyesore in this comic.

Melly's turn! I'm looking at Deep and Shallow, since it's the more recent of your comics. Your most recent update appears to be a "hiatus" notice, but I do have general notes for your characters throughout the comic. You clearly are making an effort to use proper anatomy and perspective, and your faces look pretty nice. However, the anatomy always strikes me as a bit stiff and dull, almost like you've studied comics but not gesture drawing (or are just beginning to study gesture drawing, in which case you'll definitely get the hang of it -- your technique definitely shows potential).

Interesting observation, though: when you draw people in an exaggerated fashion for comedic effect, they look better than your normal people. An example is the second-to-last panel on page 2, which almost looks like a completely different artist drew it! It has so much life and dynamism than the rest of the page just fades into the background. You might try giving all your characters a few cc's of exaggeration -- don't be afraid to try straying from manga style to something more cartoony.
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Supahsnail » November 11th, 2013, 10:52 am

I apologize as I am not very good at critique.

First off, I must say that after reading this (Page 80 of Daddy's Girl) I now must read the first 79. There goes my spare time. :3

I love the second panel. It's one thing to express emotion verbally, but physically is much more compelling. Also, Nancy is. I suppose I also should be pointing out something to improve, which is really hard to think of. I pay close attention to detail and I did notice that the Elevators sign looked slightly different between panel 1 and 2 (that's seriously the only thing I can think of to nitpick).

Excellent job. I shall now read the first 79 comics.

Here's my silly comic.
Spoiler! :
http://theoddbricks.smackjeeves.com/
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby mikemacdee » November 17th, 2013, 5:15 pm

Be a shame if this thread vanished, so I'll go again to bump it. People don't always have the time or patience for full comic reviews, but the occasional page review can still be useful!

The humor in The Odd Bricks tends to fall flat for me, but it's still way funnier than a typical sprite comic, so it has that going for it. "Tech Support" got a real laugh out of me, though, due to the odd nature of the gag. I was expecting something awesome or lame or really any sort of punchline to result from turning on the machine. Didn't expect "Crap, it didn't work. Nevermind!" So to that end, you did a pretty good job setting me up for something and delivering...well, nothing. Which for some weird reason was really funny.

I think the most impressive thing about the comic is the lighting: you do a really good job lighting each shot, and I'm astounded by how clear and crisp your photos are. You do a better job with the word balloons than the average webcomic author, too, 'cos you actually try to keep them inside the panel borders (though not quite always). This also seems like one case in favor of font lettering rather than hand-lettering: sleek, streamlined font matches the sleek, streamlined shape of Lego blocks and Lego people.

Also once upon a time I was writing a comic that would have toys as the actors, but it (thankfully) never came to be, so I guess I get a little surge of nostalgia reading this comic.
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby alohinun » December 24th, 2013, 12:06 pm

(reviewing Daddy's Girl 92)

I've read through your comic, and I've been impressed with the writing! I enjoy the story, character development and general handling. That said, most of this quick critique is going to be pretty art-technical heavy.

Overall, I really enjoy the choice to make this comic in black and white as opposed to color. It seems very well suited to the story, and thus a very conscious decision. I also really enjoy the way you handle text. The comic pages tend to be pretty small on the monitor, so the font choice and handling is well done. The variants of line weights in the text and the choice of what text is emphasized is clear and seem natural. In addition, it suits well within the speech bubbles as far as balance and weight goes. Cudos there!

That being said, I think that some of the successes you have with your bubbles and text don't necessarily translate to your technical drawing skills. It seems like you have a good foundation, the the figures are legible and distinctive, but there are still some areas that fall short.

1) Forms/Figures
It's clear that you understand the rough basics of how figures and forms operate, but this knowledge seems to break down when you start getting to the more complicated parts of a figure. This is most evident with joints, faces, hands/feet and clothing. Your figures tend to lack specific musculature or definition. For lack of a better description, it seems as if you understand the skeleton, so you took a skeleton and put some indistinct flesh over the figures rather than examine how different parts of flesh (muscle, fat, cartilage, etc) operate. Consequently, when you put clothes on the figures, they tend to lack the feeling of cloth or the feeling of the form underneath.
You also tend to omit or oversimplify drawing hands/feet and joints when you can. Getting specific with hands, feet and faces can really pay off; they tend to be areas that, because they are challenging, you can really see distinctions between people who know how those parts of bodies operate and people don't understand quite yet.

In page 92, this is most apparent in her back and in the two figures at the bottom of the page. I'm not sure exactly how the figure in the first panel's back is operating. In addition, her arm doesn't seem shaped quite like an arm should. The quick shading around her figure doesn't do much to describe form or musculature. But, I'll critique this a little bit more in the next section. The oversimplification in the faces doesn't bother me as much, as it seems like you've had more practice and are making conscious decisions of oversimplification rather than doing it out of lack of technical proficiency or time-saving. The same goes for hair; the simplification in the shoulders-up works well!

** Be careful of when and how you're oversimplifying, and how you handle it when you do. If you can, try to do some musculature studies or look up some reference shots when drawing!

2) Lines/Directional mark making
You have good line variation, with the exception that more transitional lines between heavy blocks of black and white could benefit more steps. However, a lot of your lines read as shaky or uneven. While this can work for background description in the air around the girl's head in the first panel, when you use the same kind of mark for describing the contour of a chair it tends to break down. I have mixed feelings, additionally, about the use of gray as a descriptor for "backgrounds". Your choice of black and white is very strong, and it doesn't seem like there are enough steps between black and white (grays) to justify a switch to gray apart from a way to hide sets of marks.
Something that you're doing a little bit in this page that is working strongly is using white-on-black rather than black-on-white as a descriptor. I encourage this more, particularly in areas that need line-based light (Ex. the fire in the last panel. The gray isn't working, but white on black could!)
Additionally, you seem to have outline variation between groups of objects, but you avoid line variation within an object or form. For figures, this is especially important. Heavier marks can denote different parts of the figure, weights, and feels. When you use the same pen(?) or line weight to describe or outline all of a body of a figure (Ex. first panel. her arms/back/etc all carry the same outline weight), it tends to flatten the image in a way that doesn't benefit style or form.


3) Backgrounds
The same issues you have with your figures tend to pop up with the backgrounds. Similar to figure/form stuff, I just suggest doing some studies and being conscious about when and how you're simplifying form.

I hope this was/is helpful! Once more, despite these technical nitpicks, I do really enjoy your comic! : )

Here is my most recent page! This is my first time doing a page in only inks without digital stuff (except for the text), so some feedback on handling that would be awesome.
Spoiler! :
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Merone » December 24th, 2013, 3:42 pm

Ok, I am looking at Silk Road by alohinun. I am not an expert, so feel free to ignore any critique that doesn't seem applicable:

the latest page looks amazing. It could be a standalone and it would be considered an art piece because of the way the panels are constructed around a center figure. There is great contrast from the focus and the back panels because of the way you shaded it, and the water color usage gives it a very earthy tone. I like the art style- it has a calligraphy feel to it because of the lines, and there is an atmosphere of the mythical lore. There is a great use of black and white that is well balanced out.

There are, however, some issues. For example, the proportion of the horse needs some improvement. The thighs of the horses are stocky in comparison to the lower legs, and the back legs are skinnier than the front ones. The archer in the top right corner seems to be angled or something, because the arm gets smaller, and that loses impact in his archer position. I'd say if the arm was stretched out straight parallel to the the edge or if the angle is more dramatic it would add more weight to his attack.

Overall though it is a great page. Great composition, and the orientation of the text boxes work well. Love the crow in the last panel as well! Keep up the good work! :D
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby DAFLI » December 25th, 2013, 12:28 am

I am looking at Final Fantasy 0 by Merone. The art style is not to bad, but feel the scenary needs much more detail (Mainly in the middle panel since that is the only one with much scenary). Saying that because since that is how that panel is drawn i'm assuming that is how most of the comic scenary is drawn. I like the way your characters are drawn but is not a big fan of the text because it looks unorthodox and doesn't keep a pattern on each panel nor does the spacing of the words. Overall not to bad IM A HUGE FF FAN so I might go back and read the story fully and see how it is.
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