Critique the above person's latest comic page

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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby alohinun » December 25th, 2013, 5:40 pm

Because Dafli's comic, G.O.D. is only two pages, I'm going to take a look at both of them. I hope this is okay! Before I jump into critique, I'm going to say that even though the comic is only two pages long, I'm still quite intrigued!

1) Anatomy & Character design (Figural stuff)
It seems like you have a rough, basic understanding of anatomy, and are drawing heavily from manga and anime-esque visual influences. I don't see a full body shot within either of the pages, and the perspectives of the figures are very limited (front or side view, for the most part). Even though you seem to have a definite style you're going after, I would still encourage some careful studies from life or from photos. Simplification and stylization works only after following a strong technical foundation. While your figures are legible, they don't feel as if they have weight or volume. This translates into the clothing as well, where most of the folds seem to be tolerably arbitrary. On CH1,Pg1, the figures all seem to have "trunks" rather than definite torsos. On both pages and with all characters, there is a curious thing going on with the necks, too. They seem to have less form than the rest of the figure, and their shape is inaccurate.

All of the characters presented thus far seem to have a very similar (near-identical, really) facial structure. While this can work well for situations in the second page where a strong uniformity and lack of individual identity seems implied, this can cause characters who are meant to be visually and expressively different to blur together. Thus far, it seems like you're relying on accessorizing and stylization rather than physical differences in order to convey distinct characters. I strongly encourage studying different body types, and within that, doing some detailed and specific anatomy studies. This can help with some of the issues you're having with anatomy on a basic level, and, once you're more secure with your anatomy, creating and defining physical differences between characters will come easier.


2) Coloring & Shading
For the implied setting of the story, I'm actually enjoying the relative cleanness of the shading and coloring. On both pages, there is a good range of values, and they read as fairly balanced. However, I encourage a stronger awareness of light source. In the first page, while the darker tones seem to be fairly suitable for the fire-y setting, there is a lack of brighter tones and reflected light that help to create volume for the figure. On the second page (CH1,Pg1), I'm not sure where the light source is originating from. One thing that you might consider, too, is varying your mark-making in coloring. Right now, all of your shading and inking follow a very singular language. The linework is clean and the coloring is soft and clean. Having areas that operate differently can create contrast or provide texture/volume (ex. areas of flat color, areas of harsher/blockier markmaking, etc.) Working on your light sources and coloring can help, as well, to solve some of the issues noted with your figures above, and some of the issues I will note below in backgrounds.


3) Backgrounds & Perspective
So far, there's only one definite "setting" or background that seems fully rendered. In the first panel, we're exposed to a fairly barren/clean looking room with a far wall composed of computer (?) -projected images/etc. Originally, however, due to the perspective being off, I wasn't sure if I was looking at a computer screen or a wall. The base of the wall (floor) should be placed lower, and the table should be placed higher. While the perspective lines match up, they don't account for the space that objects/people are taking up in the room in a 3-dimensional sense. Nonetheless, I appreciate that you're going through and showing us a definite setting. This is something that a lot of people tend to take for granted on the site, and it is appreciated that you're definitely putting in the time in trying for this!


4) Text / Script
I typically strongly suggest against using text that is tilted or skewed, particularly in a situation that seems to imply as very "rigid". The tilting of the text in the most recent page (Ch1.pg1) acts as a distraction. Additionally, the text is too big within the speech bubbles. The text within the bubbles reads as cramped. Try making the text smaller and/or making the speech bubbles larger. Something to be careful of, as well, is the last speech bubble on the second page. The edges are touching the panel borders on two sides. This, too, can make a speech bubble feel cramped or pasted on, and can distract the reading of a page. Because this speech bubble is also a rectangle with rounded corners, it just re-emphasizes that it doesn't quite fit in that space.

I hope the above critique is helpful and doesn't come across as too harsh! I'm curious about what kind of narrative you're setting up, and I'm interested to read more!


My page is pretty similar to the one I posted previously (haha...). But I'm a little less confident about this one! Any critique is greatly appreciated.
Spoiler! :
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby cebap » March 2nd, 2014, 6:42 pm

Resurrecting this thread because I love it and it's good to keep comic feedback flowing in these forums. :)
alohinun wrote:



Some things that I really love about this comic page:

-The brush-pen quality linework.
-The background work adds to the narrative.
-The flowing shapes that the dragon's body creates on the page
-contrast between the black and white dragon and greyscale backgrounds.

Some things that can be improved on:
-The placement of the text is pretty good, but doesn't exactly follow where my eye wants to go with the dragon artwork. ('in the cold winters of gabi, we were warmed by the sun' seems a little bit off)
-I would have liked to see the dragon's body be a bit more separated visually from the page, perhaps with a thicker outer linewidth or cast shadow?
-I am really interested in more of the background scenes, since things ARE happening there. I think seeing 25% more of the backgrounds would have helped a but.
-I like that the text boxes are a bit rough and have the same fluidity as the lines underneath. I however, dislike when they end in a rounded, blunt mark. I would stay with the sharp lines.


Hope that helps? I know this is probably an older page, but it never hurts to get feedback ^_^;;

Aaaand here's mine:
Spoiler! :
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby stkbayfield » March 2nd, 2014, 11:56 pm

Page layout and composition of the panels is pretty freaking amazing. Loving the thick line-art and the coloring. Word balloons are interesting and spaced in a way that doesn't intrude on the art.

I suppose if I needed to pick any critique it'd be that the transition from panels 3 to 4 does not convey very well.

But really, it's a damn fine page and very professionally put together. Massively impressive!

Click here for my latest page (requires Flash)
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Half visual novel, half webcomic. All new and updated 3 times a week.

Current update showcase: Chapter 4: Page 1 - Infiltrator (Interactive elements/Music)
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Guest » March 3rd, 2014, 12:26 am

The artwork is good, though I would say that the girl could be darkened to match the setting. It would also give a better reason to not show her eyes. At first I thought her eyes were intentionally missing, as though she didn't have them at all. The text is very nice, and the voice acting was well done. The animation on the girl's mouth could be smoother, but I feel like that could be nitpicking. I really liked the animation. I think that it would be to better effect if the arms and chains around them were done from a worm's eye view instead of straight on, like how the feet are done from a bird's eye. This looks like it must have taken a ton of work, and it looks good. :D Also the music was good and eerie.

Here's mine (EDIT I finished the new page and have so replaced it with current) :
Spoiler! :
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby DAFLI » March 9th, 2014, 11:10 pm

Your artwork is solid, and really enjoy your scenery art. My main complaint is your eye spacing. The character with the green eyes aren't equally spaced like they should be. I went back to see if maybe that was just how you wanted him, but there is also other characters with that same problem. But other than that, your detail is nice and from the scenery panel can see that you have a nice understanding of perspective from a distance.
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Rian' » July 11th, 2014, 3:36 pm

I like how you tried to add some dynamism in the latest page layout, the idea of taking the action step by step is nice too (like the sudden stop in pannel 4) but it could all be improved as everything still feels a bit stiff especially the characters' poses, the anatomy could be improved too but hopefully this comes with time and practice and it's good that it doesn't stop you from trying different angles and things!

Maybe you could try adding 'direction lines' to emphasive the characters movement so that when it changes, it will visually have more impact. Be careful with how some lines touches:
for example the border of the "what the fuck" speech bubble should either completely overlap the second row's pannel or stay inside the first row, also regarding speech bubble try as much as you can to make its tail point at the speaker's mouth otherwise.

I hope this helps, haven't written any critique in a long time I feel a bit rusty sorry :"
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Guest » October 16th, 2014, 2:42 pm

3 panels of something I dunno is happening.
Some celebration or date or something.
Good art style through.
Althrough I can't really go into long review cause I don't know the full story.
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Guest » October 16th, 2014, 5:12 pm

Spoiler! :
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You have two panels where something at least starts to happen, and because it's just a few seconds apart (I assume given the little movement), I can't say much else. The colors look nice, but you should probably tweak the comic font. It's spaced out quite a bit between lines and being left justified makes it a little awkward. And if I could say, breaking the fourth wall is a tricky thing, especially so early in the comic. I can't say whether you know what you're doing just yet (as the comic is very early), but it's a little worrying.

If no one minds, I wanted to give Rian' 's a look too, mainly because of some color things I saw:
Spoiler! :
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The first shot is good for establishing what's happening and where they are - a restaurant/diner. The second and third panels are good for showing their reactions, which coupled with the last page gives me a look at how these two interact. I really like your art style, but I would suggest giving that back wall a less saturated or warm color. It's kind of overpowering the rest of the colors (at least on my screen), and something just isn't hitting it right with the brown of the seat next to it. Also in that last panel, that pink drink looks really nice, but I think the straw is missing a part of it on the second panel. The page looks really nice. ^_^

Here's mine:
Spoiler! :
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby IsaacCraveFries » October 16th, 2014, 5:46 pm

I critiqued this on here before. I remember because I really like the colors. The colors outside the house shows it is night time and its good to show that contrast. Outside the house, the colors look like colors are illuminating. real vibrant.
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Guest » October 17th, 2014, 12:42 pm

Very interesting. From what I understood in your latest page, the boy can wield energy and make a arm blade and the girl just knows about it.
I like the story of the wielding energy and I may read the comic sometime.
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Ray_Siroff » October 17th, 2014, 1:19 pm

Something that i have to say about your page is your speech balloons. I like the idea that you add the color of the character for their speech Balloon! but careful because some colors make it harder to read! The dark blue for example!!
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Supahsnail » October 20th, 2014, 10:28 am

On the art aspect I can't say much since I'm not an artist myself. The body shapes are spot on, but the manga style eyes seem to be a little wobbly like their eyes are watering up or something (again, I'm not an art critic.)

The panel layout is solid and it's easy to follow and understand what's going on. That may sound like a minor compliment, but people really mess that up a lot.

The characters are very expressive and I never had to ask myself what emotion they were expressing, though I haven't read the pages before it, so I don't know the context of the scent.

I did find two spelling/grammar errors in the bottom left panel. First, it says "rigth" when I'm assuming you meant to say "right." Secondly, you use the word 'I' without capitalizing it. It should say I not i.

Lastly, there were several places where the text touched the outside edges of the word bubbles. Text should never touch the borders of the bubble.
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Merone » October 20th, 2014, 11:54 am

K, so for Odd Bricks' latest page:

I must say it looks darn good! You have a great shot here with both characters in line, face to face. The background details are a great touch, and the lighting is good enough that you can see the positioning of everything (as in, it gives a level of depth), but there are no stark shadows that deter the characters. Great use of speech bubbles and SFX.

Narrative wise I can definitely see the comical nature of this mixed with the action ("protect me stick!"). There's a good flow through the panels, so it's easy to understand the motions through which the fighting sequence goes through. :)
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby blackmoongirl2424 » October 30th, 2014, 10:19 am

Image

Purple: How the panel show reading order
Red: How the word balloons show reading order<----More prone to doing
Orange: Just looks wonky
Blue: Is that an arrow there? Why is there an arrow there? It's not in the other panels with the window shown
Maroon: A few stray marks
Last mini notes: Try to center the text in the bubbles

Other than that, everything looks pretty good.
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Re: Critique the above person's latest comic page

Postby Merone » October 31st, 2014, 11:50 am

blackmoongirl2424 wrote:Image

Purple: How the panel show reading order
Red: How the word balloons show reading order<----More prone to doing
Orange: Just looks wonky
Blue: Is that an arrow there? Why is there an arrow there? It's not in the other panels with the window shown
Maroon: A few stray marks
Last mini notes: Try to center the text in the bubbles

Other than that, everything looks pretty good.


Thanks for the input- that was very helpful actually! :D
Hmm, I didn't realize how the panelling would be read like this. You got an idea how I could work it so that readers actually look down first?
And yeah, that arrow was supposed to be a joke to point out the obvious, but maybe it's not as funny as I thought! :lol:
I will figure out the text placement with the GIMP2 I just downloaded. Hopefully it will be more helpful with this :D

Again, thank you so much! :D
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